I wrote this in March of 2020 as I was reflecting on my suicide attempt in December of 2016. I don’t remember writing this poem but that could be because it was a crazy time for me since I was an essential worker during COVID.

me in March of 2020 when I wrote this poem

Appearances were kept well for 15 years
the husband, the salaried job, the 3 off springs
I pretended like everything was fine
And yet there were ominous signs
I never felt like my authentic self
and always felt false
I tried on this so called suburban bliss
and mediocre routines
but knew it just wasn’t me
So I ended up in profound misery
And one day I wanted to forever sleep
To forget my mediocre reality
I took 15 numb feeling pills
one for every pseudo happy year
I wanted to slip into a forever dream
to never wake up to my false stability

2 thoughts on “Poetry: False Stability *trigger warning*

  1. First of all I want to commend you for taking the time to share your vulnerable moment the world. I am so glad that you’re still here. Secondly I want you to know that you’re valued and loved. I am sending you love and I pray for your continued healing. I didn’t just want to like this post and leave. I understand that it must have taken a lot to share this. I’ll be following your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words and for following my blog. Honestly, it was a really hard post to write but I felt like it was important to share it since I know that there are so many people that struggle with depression and SI. I want those people to not feel so alone.

      Liked by 1 person

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