I wrote this poem in 2019 when I got into a fight with a friend because he was cruel to one of my friends. After this fight, we didn’t talk for 2 years but we ended up reconnecting in the summer of this year.
random pic of me pissed in 2019
“Control myself”, he said as I called out his misogyny his fragile ego couldn’t handle hard truths thrown at him he thinks that he has a license to offend because of the organ between his legs and the pale color of his skin- He thinks that I’m wrong for not sitting still and silent He thinks that I have no right to stand up for myself “Control myself”, he said to and “fuck off” I replied to him you won’t ever be able to control a woman like me
los susurros de mi alma me dicen que por fin me acepto como soy que por fin me entiendo completamente que por fin siento un agradecimiento por una vida llena de dos lenguajes dos culturas y dos hogares soy la hija de nacimiento de Perú y la hija adoptiva de América soy la sangre de los Incas con la mentalidad de Washington
my heart sings a bilingual song in imperfect castellano and a fluent English entre carcajadas y calor de mi comunidad de Athens between my few childhood memories of Lima entre las risas de mis hijos between my parents many sacrifices entre Wham y Slyvia Plath between Bad Bunny and Gustavo Becquer llevo América en mi corazón I carry Peru in my veins canto esta cancion con amor y dolor I sing this song with love and pain
once again the united states of white supremacy throws another wrench at my community making it more of a crime to exist as we are trying to erase our culture, trying to shame us for our heritage trying to force us into assimilation by any means possible trying to target us for simply not fitting into their idea of what America should look and sound like and I stand up in defiance and say, a mi me vale madre pendejos estoy que desde 1986, sembrando raíces en California, Hawaii y Georgia y me quedaré aquí como su peor pesadilla una mujer latina, criada y educada en este país que no se dejara llevar por la marginación y racismo constante de esta administración y que luchará hasta el último respiro por quedarse aquí
as summer wanes, and the days gets shorter and cool air welcomes me in the morning I feel a magnitude of gratitude and grief for this summer gratitude for all of the time spent with friends, for the poetry written, for all the growth that happened and grief for the vacation not taken, for the depression that paused me at various points, for the things not accomplished and as the leaves turn, I wonder about I could have if only I hadn’t struggled with mental illness
we’re not promised tomorrow, so we must make the best of our todays- creating community with our friends, reconnecting with our roots loving our children with a loud fervor we’re not promised tomorrow, so we must appreciate everything we have the legs that take us on walks and runs the creativity that flows from our minds the laughter shared with loved ones
one day I’ll go on tour promoting my poetry book and the crowd will stand up for me and applaud and the crowd will say they’ve never been anyone like me and I’ll be celebrated for the great storyteller that I am
the plane slowly takes off and I take flight with it I leave behind past troubles,past trauma and go on an adventure to find healing and the best version of myself
and the roses never wilted, they just transformed into flowers never seen before for a while it looked like they were dying as they slowly turned gray and then black but then they bloomed into something different, a unique kind of beautiful
look at that Goddess, very awkward, very full of herself
gratitude taste like mami’s sopa de pollo gratitude smells like my lover’s cologne gratitude feels like a warm hug from my son gratitude sounds like my sister’s car in my driveway gratitude looks like me looking at the Goddess in the mirror
sometimes I feel like I invade places I’m not meant to be in I feel too immigrant, too loud, too intense, too othered but then I remember, I’m not doing this just for me I’m doing this for all of the version before me who couldn’t have ever imagined taking up spaces in places that felt foreign to her
I longed and longed and longed to feel whole until I planted my feet on the soil I was born on until I breathed the air my parents and ancestors inhaled until I tasted flavors from almost a lifetime ago I longed and longed and longed to feel whole until I returned to my homeland and it was the piece of the puzzle found I needed to finally complete me
I long to run free in a world free from prejudice and pride I long to run free in a world free from judgment and ignorance I long to run free in a world that accepts people like me I long to run free in a world where I’m not hypervigilant about toning myself down
I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way thatthey almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow. **This poem went through heavy edits in June of 2026.
Often men want this girl…the ones that’s always down for a “good” timeBUT run away from this one….the other girl …the vulnerable one that has a realness hard to accept
Tell me I’m beautiful, tell me I’m sexy Objectify me, sleep with me breadcrumb me, ghost me, then try to come back to me And when I deny you insult me, threaten me,try your best to hurt me- Your words mean nothing to me You’re not the first but will be the last who tries to destroy me You’re not the first but will be the last who treats me like your on call whore You’re not the first but will be the last who tells me I’m not good enough and after all that, try to come back again and Tell me you miss, tell me you want me Tell me you’re sorry, tell me you LOVE ME Be persistent in your quest in trying to bed me with empty promises about how this time it will be different and how we have history so I can laugh and laugh and turn you down and watch you sulk honey, I know you watch me on social media so you should know better than to ever come back to me
We danced and danced until we fell into each other and consummated our desire and you told me you loved me for the first time it was then and there I knew we’d be together the rest of our lives
