Poetry: My Secret

I wrote this in March of 2022 for World Bipolar Day.

I wear the stigma of a bipolar diagnosis and hide this big secret
This secret has been a part of me since my teens
This secret explains my sometimes uncontrollable insanity
This secret at times robs me of my sleep
This secret has taken me on many fun and lustful adventures
This secret makes me write, write, write
so I don’t want to die, die, die
I keep this secret and take medication for it
But one day, I’ll scream out loud my mental health truth
I’m bipolar 2
I’m not enough to ruin your life but just enough to fuck it up
a little at a time

Poesia: Suficiente

Here is the English version of this poem:


me acuesto en mi cama en una vida
llena de mentiras
fingiendo que estoy bien
mientras guardo una miseria profunda
dentro de mi misma
esperando que un hombre me salve
Esperando que mi destino se transforme
espero, espero, espero
que algo cambie en mi vida
para que pare de obsessionar
por que nunca soy suficiente

Poetry: The Answer

I wrote this in December of 2021.


Thanks to learning about my BPD
I’m finally free to be me
There is a reason for my numbness
and for why I’m such an emotional mess
Genetics and trauma played a part
for me constantly falling apart
There is a reason for my impulsivity
and for why I distort reality
There is a reason for men running away from me
when I go from being sweet to being crazy
And now that I know I have BPD
I can conquer the world of DBT
I hope that after I’m more calm
And stop going off like a bomb
Hopefully I have more control over my emotions
And there will no longer be hysterical explosions

Poesia: Maga

Here is the English Version of this poem:


quisiera ser una maga
para que te olvides de mi
para que nunca hubiese existido en tu vida
porque me odio por haberte causado
un mundo de dolor
pero no vivimos en un cuento de hadas

Vivimos en una realidad dura
donde soy incapaz de decirte algo
para que tu dolor sea más fácil para superar
lo único que puedo hacer es rezar por ti,
desearte lo mejor, y esperar que algun dia
encuentres el valor para empezar denuevo
con alguien que te sepa amar

Poetry: My Kind of Love

I wrote this in March of 2022.

I never needed anyone to teach me how to love
what I needed was understanding and acceptance
while my love is kind and sweet most of the time
my love also cannot be tamed at times
when it gets wild and out of control
it’s better to just ride the big wave of it
until it is tamed and soft again
it wasn’t that I didn’t know how to love
It’s just that most don’t know how to handle it
my kind of overwhelming love is a crazy kind of love
it will hurt you, challenge you and bring conflict
it will make you want to slap the shit out of me
because yes it’s that intense
but my kind of of love is always worthy

Poesia: Mi Razón

Here is the English Version of this poem:


maldito sea por pensar que era una santa
y colocarme en un pedestal
la mujer de cual te enamoraste
fue un mito de cuatro meses
todo estaba bien con nosotros
mientras me callaba
no soportaba tus gritos
que yo era una estúpida, una loca
que siempre estaba equivocada
Entonces aprendí a ser lo que querías
una princesa sin una opinión
pero no podía seguir con esta farsa
me estaba matando adentro
guardar todo que era importante en mi
tuve que escoger entre tu y yo
y me escogi a mi
no te estoy pidiendo perdón o comprensión
no mas te estoy dando la razón
por terminar nuestro cuento de amor

Poetry: Cruel Existence

I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

me at my second job hustling at my second job

I’m tired of the bustle and hustle
that comes with my social status
and the color of my skin
Why wasn’t I raised with privilege
and wealth instead of being raised
with poverty and trauma?
And I try and I try and I try
to find a way out of this cruel existence
but it’s futile
I take pride in my never ending hustling
but at times it feels so exhausting
There seems to no end in sight
for this fruitless fight

Poesia: Un Adios en Limbo

Here is the English version of this poem:


ojala que algun dia tu entiendas
que nunca quise causarte daño
pero tenía que rompernos
no podíamos seguir viviendo
con un adiós en limbo
y empezar a odiarnos
ya nos tocaba parar esta farsa
donde fingimos amarnos
donde fingimos toleranos
donde perdíamos el tiempo
en algo que ya no funciona

Poesía: Escándalo!

Escribí este poema en marzo de 2022.

Que Escandalo!

Soy el escándalo de mi generación
marcho a mi ritmo propio desordenado
sin pensar qué es lo correcto o moral
soy una mujer cachonda y alegre
que le gusta una variedad de amantes
porque la vida es demasiado corta
para seguir siendo una niña buena
soy una mujer caótica siempre actuando
sin pensamientos a las consecuencias
soy una mujer que ahora se arriesga
a vivir su vida con ganas y autenticidad

Poesia: Cobarde

Here is the English Version of this poem:


lo siento por ser una cobarde al evitarte
debes de haberte dado cuenta
que no soy la santa que colocaste en un altar
que no soy la chica de tus sueños
que nunca seré la madre de tus hijos
estoy llena con remordimientos por esperar
tanto tiempo en cortar nuestros lazos de amor
ojala que tu no cuestiones tu valor
porque no supe valorar tu amor
ojala que encuentres a una mujer madura
que te aprecie y no te quiere cambiar

Poetry Review: Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature

C.E Hoffman’s chapbook collection Blood, Booze and Other Things in Nature is definitely a must read if you like your poetry vulnerable and thought provoking . This collection is raw and in your face and doesn’t shy away from telling you the harsh truth about the world but the poet does in a way that’s witty and full of  dark humor. The poet addresses complex issues of mental health, love, sex, parenthood, and poverty. They address the inequalities that hit you in the gut and make you question the status quo.. I’ve never read a poetry collection like this before. I’ll talk about 4 poems from the book that I really liked. Their poetry feels like thoughts I’ve had that I have been too afraid to write down; much less share with the world.

The first poem is “Bloom (Blow Job) “and I really liked how this poem transitioned from giving a blowjob to other things in the poet’s life.  I interpreted as things to talk about or are talked about after a blowjob. The line in this poem that really resonated with me was  “you wipe spit from your cheek when/your lover says it was the hardest they came in their life, and/you believe them “(Hoffman). I’ve had this said to me quite a few times and my friend has as well. It’s a common line that men say to their partners/flings. Yes, MEN, we do talk about these things.

Another poem that resonated with me was “Magnificent Shits” in which the poet talks about how they imagine their unborn child to be like  and how much they already love them . I resonated with this poem because as a parent myself, I’ve had similar thoughts. I resonated with the lines, “But no matter where you go/forever drives your soul/YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE that shits and smiles and needs and creates and kisses/explores and speeds “(Hoffman). These capture that feeling of loving your child and acknowledging their humanness. 

Another poem I really liked from this collection is “Prenatal Yoga aka Relearning Breath”. It deals with complex issues of “passing” and even deals with the poet dealing with privilege. The line that I really liked from this poem was,And I know it’s strange to find peace in a space of appropriation/’cause 8 outta 9 of our faces are white/ so when it comes to “passing”/ I really can’t talk, can I? “(Hoffman) As a woman of color who’s spent most of her time in predominantly white spaces, I understand this sentiment of feeling like an “other” or “out of place”. Often at times, I try to blend in and 9 out of 10 times, I am able to without incident. However, there is that 10 % where I feel uncomfortable because something unintentionally prejudiced is said or a wrong assumption is made about me. 

New Moon in Cancer (Radical Honesty 101) was my favorite poem in this book. I interpreted this poem as the anxiety of the poet written in verse. I loved how honest Hoffman is in addressing everything that goes through their mind openly talking about their mental health, relationships, and what it’s like to be a writer in today’s environment of instagram, twitter, etc. One of my favorite lines from this poem was, “I don’t believe in The One./I’ve initiated most of my break-ups, cheated on basically/even in open relationships-/Shit. Maybe I just suck at this.” )Hoffman. I feel like Hoffman basically describes almost all of my romantic relationships and the thoughts I have about that part of my life. Examining and deconstructing my relationships this past year, I’ve often thought, “man, maybe I just suck at this, let me quit while I haven’t slashed anyone’s tires yet”(haha). The other line that I really liked from this poem was “Honestly I’m sick of wanting to get better, dying to be better, trying to do better than whatever I am or can” (Hoffman). Being in this recovery journey from my BPD feels like that sometimes. I have a strict routine I adhere to, read so many books about BPD, monitor my moods and honestly, it gets tiresome at times. Like Hoffman, I get sick of trying to “be better” and I often wonder when I can stop being so vigilant and rigid in everything I do. When can I say I’m finally better and can stop doing so much?

Blood, Booze, and other things in Nature is definitely the poetry collection for you if you’ve ever felt like a pariah, like an outcast, like an outsider in this world that tries to tone you down for being too crazy, too loud, and  too bizarre for it. Reading this poetry collection is the medicine you need for that beautiful and chaotic soul of yours that refuses to conform to the norms and expectations of normalcy in this patriarchal society.

Below is a link to the book:

Don’t believe me? Here are other testimonials about the book and the author:

Praise for Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature: 

This book resonates with anyone who’s ever called a crisis line and had them respond, “Oh wow that’s a lot.” This chapbook isn’t a cocktail. It’s a shot. 

-Kit Stitches 

This is no nipple-slip, no wardrobe malfunction. This is deliberate, personal exposure, revealing heart, head, and the wounds of living. The battle songs, the laments, and the healing gather here. 

-Neil S Reddy 

This collection is a dirty meditation, a longing for escape, an ecstatic fuck you to the traps and ties of societal expectation. A delightful, messy romp through the entrails of the heart. 

-Nicole Morning 

This is the kind of writing that inspires fandom.

-Alexandine Ogundimu, Filth Magazine

Praise for C E Hoffman: 

C E Hoffman is a fearless writer.

-Jack Wang, author of We Two Alone and winner of the Danuta Gleed Literary Award 

The human spirit remains fresh-voiced, optimistic and youthful in Hoffman’s imaginative writing.

-Martin Millar, author of Lonely Werewolf Girl and winner of the World Fantasy Award 

Hoffman’s writing style reminds one of Burroughs at his most straightforward or Irvine Welsh at his strangest, but with a presentation dominated primarily by women and queer characters- a refreshing change in this particular milieu.…Hoffman is definitely a writer to watch for, and I look forward to what they give us next.

-Justin Bookworm, Razorcake Issue #123

Sex and the City meets Black Mirror.

-Alana M Kelley, Maudlin House Magazine 

Poetry Review: Loving Her

Loving Her by Timothy Robare

So here is a short anecdote before I start my review and how I ended up buying “Loving Her”. In late February, my bank was merging with another bank and the bank had issued me a new debit card but I was confused as to when it would be active. I was still using my old debit card and wanted to check if it was still working and of course decided to buy something off Amazon to do it. I already had “Loving Her” on my Wishlist and in true BPD impulsivity I bought it within a few minutes. I didn’t read the reviews or much about it. I just knew it was a poetry book about love and that seemed like a good reason to buy it. And after reading it, I can say that this is one of those times my BPD impulsivity really worked for me because I really enjoyed this book.

Timothy Robare’s Poetry collection “ Loving Her” really resonated with me in various ways . When I first started reading this book, I thought wow, the next guy I get serious about is getting a copy of this book to understand how a woman wants to be loved. Dudes ,take my advice, if you want to understand women, pick up this book and read it. . What I loved about this book is how Robare offers a unique and raw openness by sharing his experiences with love in this book. He reveals a complicated story of the turmoil and miracle that love can be and feel like. Reading this felt like reading a journal filled with Robare’s most private and intimate thoughts about love. This book is divided into 6 sections which are: “How I Want to Love Her”, “How I Do Love Her”, “How I Cannot Love Her”, “How I Did Love Her”, “How I Learned to Love Her”, and “Elizabeth”. I will talk about a poem or 2 poems from each section that really impacted me.

The first section “How I Want to Love Her” is exactly what the title of the section implies. Reading the poetry from this section made me think, “Hmm, I want to be loved like that.” One poem that really spoke to me was Curves and Crashes because of how Robare expresses his feelings for his partner in a way that made my jaded black heart almost melt. This is presented in the lines “She is not perfect, I never wanted perfect/I only want all that she is” (Robare) really shocked me because I thought “Damn, that there are men in this day and age who can express their feelings for their partners in such a beautiful way”.

In the second section, “How I Do Love Her”, Robare covers poetry about conflicting feelings about love. A poem that resonated with me was Carver-Robare speaks with passion about the juxtaposition of feelings love can bring. This is shown with the first few lines “She cuts smiles into my face/Carves sorrow into my heart/ Love is death” (Robare). I relate to the anxiety I have felt when my partner brought me love along with pain. It’s a complicated and uneasy emotion to deal with but Robare presents this feeling in an accurate way. Another poem I related to in this section is Jealous . This poem talks about the powerful and intense feelings that jealousy can bring. This is presented in the lines- “He looks at her/I want to vaporize him” (Robare). Oh man, I’ve felt that many times in relationships. It could be an unhealthy way to be possessive over someone but it’s just how it is or has been for some of us.

In the third section “How I Cannot Love Her” deals with anxiety and conflict felt during a relationship. The poem that I related to was Lightning Crashes. It that talks about how chemistry can come into play when resolving a conflict. This is shown in the lines, “Tears fell down like lightning/ Apologies constantly following thunder/Lips struck like matches/ catching my heart on fire/every time” (Robare). This reminded me of being with one particular partner who I would constantly fight with. I would get so mad at him that I wanted to punch him but then he would kiss me and well the fight would stop. With him, it was like one touch on my hand or a kiss and I was breathless with desire. Robare did an outstanding job presenting this sentiment. Another poem I liked from this section was Run. It’s a poem about the anxiety you have when you don’t feel good enough for your partner. This is presented in the lines “I need to run/ So I don’t hurt her, Don’t let her down/That’s what I’m good at after all” (Robare). There have been so many times I’ve had this feeling in relationships and I asked myself questions or had thoughts like “What does he see in me?”, “ I don’t deserve someone as good as him” and “How long will it be before he leaves me?” It’s a dark and scary place to be and Robare expresses this in a very honest and vulnerable way.

The fourth section “How I did love her” talks more of the complexities of love. I love the poem Whole Eyes because it shows how spell binding falling in love can feel like. The lines “Her damn mesmerizing eyes/For once I felt home/ the home I’ve always craved” (Robare). When I fall in love, that’s how it feels like for me, that person feels like a home I want to forever reside in. It’s a lovely feeling to feel like you have someone to call home. The other poem from this section that I liked was Broken Bones because of the raw and intense way Robare explained the pain of a breakup with the lines “She reached in me/Somewhere I can’t explain/ pull something out/ with a catastrophic pain” (Robare) It’s a feeling I know too well. A breakup to me feels like a pain so terrible , it’s a catastrophe in my world. I admire Robare for not shying away from talking about the intensity of grief that is felt because of a breakup.

The fifth section, “How she taught me to love” presents the positive side of love. I like the poem Unwavering because it talks about a “secure kind of love”. The lines “She began to build me up/Higher than I had ever risen”. It’s incredible how the right partner can build you in a way that ‘s empowering. Another poem I loved from this section was Extinction which presents how wonderful love can be. The lines “I know we aren’t perfect, not even close/ But it is a small glimpse of perfection” (Robare) Being with a good partner can feel like that. The world falls away while you’re consumed by making this perfect memory of love with them. It’s an invigorating and powerful feeling of euphoria.

The sixth section “Elizabeth” is dedicated to his latest breakup and wow this chapter really resonated with me. I could write about how I related to each poem but I won’t do that to y ’all. Instead I’ll write about the two poems that really spoke to me. The poem Late Nights really resonated with me, especially the lines “I wonder how it was so easy, how you did it so quickly/I am in a million pieces, which ones first, how do I pick” (Robare) When I go through the grief on a breakup, I think I’m the only one that feels pain and hurt and assume that for them, it was easy to break things off and walk away unscathed. And I’m left shattered and I’m angry. I remember thinking at one time that I was over dramatic saying one ex left me shattered in a million pieces but now I think it was an accurate description to how I felt at the time. Another poem I liked was Best. The poem is about wanting to always be there for your ex. I give Robare a lot of credit for having the maturity do this. The lines , “ I am always here, if you ever needed anything because forever is what I meant” (Robare) . It’s admirable that he can do this because I honestly can’t. It would be nice if I could but I lack the emotional maturity to do so. This is also a beautiful poem because of how Elizabeth’s humanity is conveyed in a way that respects her. I also want to add that reading this section added an element of healing to my life. It shifted my perspective a bit on some past trauma from past romantic relationships.

What I also found refreshing about this book is that while there were lots of raw emotions to be felt I really didn’t find him blaming any of his exes. In fact, I hold Robare in high esteem with how he expressed his accountability for his actions and how he really respected the humanity of his past partners throughout the book even when he was talking about something really painful. There is hardly any saltiness to be found anywhere in this book, for that you can just read my blog. Lol. Seriously, reading Robare’s poetry inspired me to change my direction a bit in how I write about love. I’m not going to drastically change how I write but I could do better in shifting my perspective a bit and instead of constantly writing about how love is shit, I could write more about how love can be a good thing. I also think Robare is very talented for putting into words what many of us are too scared to express. He’s brave for that. I also want to thank Tim Robare for writing this book and publishing it because it almost felt like serendipity for me to buy it and read it at the time that I did. And of course, I highly recommend this book if you like poetry that speaks to your heart. Below is the link for Loving Her:

Loving Her by Timothy Robare

Poetry Review: Love Pangs

My copy of Love Pangs is a little banged up because I keep rereading it

Melia Cogan has done it again with her second poetry collection. She paints a picture of the beauty of love and the euphoria it brings to one’s life. This book will make you weak at your knees and perhaps even want to get you on a dating app to look for that special someone to experience the magic of love. Cogan explores the mosaic of emotions that come with love. Through Cogan’s verse, I was transported to the alluring and sometimes tumultuous journey of love. 

 I’ll talk about my 2 favorite poems from the poetry collection. 

One of the poems that really resonated with me was “Should I Allow Myself”. I liked how profound this poem is-it speaks about allowing yourself to fall in love recklessly while risking your vulnerability. It’s risking everything to be in the moment of that special memory of love. This is presented in the lines  “Together/the possibilities/reach for me in the night/and primarily/I wish they were you (Cogan)”. It’s a desire for longing to be with that special someone. 

The other poem that I really related to was “I’m Hiding from Love”because that’s kind of where I’m at right now.  This is captured in the lines “Well. I enjoy my boat not toppling over in the sea/and my house not catching on fire (Cogan). Cogan is perceptive of what heartbreak feels like and how some of us are so burned by it,we’ll avoid it at all costs. The metaphors of the boat and fire feel like a truth I’ve encountered many times.  It’s how anger and sorrow makes me feel like I’m either drowning or burning inside when it comes to heartbreak. Cogan captures these strong emotions in an intelligent and creative way that I’m sure resonates with mine and others’ experiences with the agony and torment that grief from heartbreak can bring. 

 I would recommend this poetry collection if you like to explore the depths of love and the complex emotions that come with it.  

Here is the link to the book:

Poetry Review: You Might Feel This

You Might Feel This by William Thomas Brumley

William Thomas Brumley’s debut poetry collection “You Might Feel This” is aptly named because every single poem made me feel some kind of emotion. As a person who has anxiety and depression the poetry in this book really resonated with me. The poet captures what anxiety and depression feels like with imagery that paints the numbness and darkness of it. Another theme that Brumley tackles is the complexity of romantic relationships . He shows the intensity of emotions that is felt during conflict or a breakup. I also want to mention that aside from the content, what I really loved about this book was the format. You can tell that the author put a lot of thought into making sure it was well put together because of how professional and flawless it looks. He even includes a page after each poem asking your thoughts about it or you’re also given the freedom to write your own poem. As someone who is always looking for inspiration to write poetry, this was a nice surprise for me. I’ve picked three poems that impacted me from this collection to talk about.

The first poem “Familiar Friend” I have interpreted as a poem about when anxiety comes to visit you. Anxiety for me feels like an annoying friend that visits at the most inconvenient times and the poet captures that when he states, “Fear is an old familiar friend of whom I’ve fallen out of touch with/Why does this shape haunt me? Can they not find another for torment?” (Brumley, 7-9) The way Brumley questions why anxiety haunts him brings a raw intensity in this poem about anxiety that’s not talked about. It indeed does feel like torment and torture at times.

Another poem that impacted me was “Stormy Nights”. I interpreted this poem about how your romantic partner distances themselves away from you because they’re on the verge of breaking up with you. I know many people including myself that have been in this situation and it’s awful; especially if you’re not ready to let go of your partner. When Brumley states, “Please, please, don’t leave thee here/I can feel your presence is near/ One more climb, one more calm/ Upon the ruckus sea” ( Brumley, 12-14),these lines draw up an image of someone pleading to their partner to not leave and to give them one more chance. Brumley did an incredible job capturing the sorrow and desperation someone in this situation would feel like.

“Trepidation” is another poem that impacted me. I have interpreted this poem as the calm you feel after anxiety leaves and questioning how long it will last. This is stated when the poet states, “May I keep this sealed up tight in a bottle?” (Brumley,9) As a person who had suffered from chronic anxiety and depression, if I had a string of good days filled with hope, I would question how long it would last. What’s also interesting to me about this poem is that Brumley addresses people who suffer from anxiety in wishing that they too get a reprieve from anxiety when he states “I wish this ship could sail/Sail far across the sea of tranquility/For it shall reach others who have been trapped under the forceful thumb of anxiety” (Brumbley,10-12) Brumley shows humanity in acknowledging other sufferers of anxiety.

Mr.Brumley presents an honest depiction of the many complex emotions felt during periods of anxiety, depression and conflict with an insightful awareness. I would highly recommend this poetry collection that will not only make you feel something but will also make you think. I’m excited to read and review his next poetry book Finish Your Thoughts. Below is a link for both You Might Feel This and Finish Your Thoughts: