poetry: when

I wrote this poem in August of 2025.

The last tarot card I pull said everything is working in my favor
and yet here I am knee deep in my depression as my world is full of so many changes
it’s hard for me to keep up with
and I feel like I’m playing emotional parkour at double time. not fully processing one
transition before facing the next
and I don’t remember when’s the last time I’ve been to the gym
it’s to suffice to say, I’ve stopped caring about how much weight I’ve gained
but I should considering I don’t have money for new clothes since I’m as broke
as a college student who buys ramen by the bulk for sustenance on most days
but here my tarot say there are better days to come
and lately I’m impatient and shake my fists at the sky yelling β€œwhen”

The Science Behind Mood Swings in Borderline Personality Disorder

The Science Behind Mood Swings in Borderline Personality Disorder by Sara from Mind Align Psychiatry

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) requires a transition away from outdated misconceptions and toward a sophisticated appreciation of the biological and psychological mechanisms that orchestrate the human experience. At the epicenter of this disorder lies affective instability, a phenomenon commonly categorized as mood swings. It is vital to recognize that these fluctuations are not mere expressions of a temperamental disposition or manifestations of willful behavior. Rather, they are the profound result of intricate, cascading interactions within the brain, specifically involving the neural circuits responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control. By conducting a deep analysis of the neurobiology and the psychological frameworks that govern these rapid shifts, we can attain a much clearer, more compassionate perspective on why they manifest and the specific ways in which they can be mitigated through evidence-based practice.

The Neurobiological Architecture of Emotional Dysregulation

To fully grasp the intense nature of mood swings in the context of BPD, one must first examine the specific neurological structures that govern emotional processing. The limbic system, frequently described as the emotional command center of the human brain, occupies a primary role in this dynamic. In individuals living with BPD, this system often demonstrates a state of profound and persistent hyper-reactivity.

At the center of this reactivity is the amygdala, a small, almond-shaped structure tasked with functioning as the brain’s primary alarm system. Its evolutionarily ancient role is to detect environmental threats and initiate the physiological fight-or-flight response. Scientific research consistently indicates that the amygdala in those with BPD is exceptionally sensitive. This signifies that even neutral stimuli or mildly stressful interpersonal exchanges can be perceived by the brain as significant existential threats. This misinterpretation triggers an immediate, overwhelming, and highly intense emotional reaction before the higher-order brain centers have the opportunity to analyze the situation objectively.

Simultaneously, the prefrontal cortexβ€”situated at the very front of the brainβ€”is responsible for executive functions, including complex reasoning, long-term planning, and the regulation of volatile emotions. Under optimal conditions, the prefrontal cortex exerts top-down control over the amygdala, allowing an individual to perform a reality check before responding. However, in BPD, the neurological communication pathway between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala is frequently compromised. The regulating brake of the prefrontal cortex often lacks the necessary strength to successfully dampen the rapid, surging accelerator of the amygdala. Consequently, emotions spike with extreme velocity and remain elevated for significantly longer durations than they would in neurotypical individuals. This systemic disconnect is a foundational biological pillar that drives the frequency and severity of BPD-related mood swings.

Psychological Catalysts and Rigid Cognitive Patterns

While the biological infrastructure provides the underlying capacity for emotional volatility, ingrained cognitive patterns and specific environmental triggers serve as the immediate catalysts for these shifts. A central psychological concept in the study of BPD is the mechanism of splitting, often referred to as black-and-white thinking. This cognitive bias forces the individual to process the world, other people, and their own sense of self into rigid, mutually exclusive categories of either “all good” or “all bad.”

When an individual experiences a perceived sign of rejection, failure, or criticism, this black-and-white lens intensifies the resulting emotional impact exponentially. If someone living with BPD interprets a delayed text message or a slightly blunt tone of voice as a definitive sign of abandonment, the amygdala initiates a fight-or-flight response, and the thought process pivots instantly toward the “all bad” extreme. Because there is no nuanced middle ground within this cognitive framework, the transition from feeling secure and attached to feeling entirely devastated occurs in a matter of seconds.

These shifts are further exacerbated by an extreme sensitivity to subtle social cues. Research suggests that the BPD brain is uniquely attuned to the minutiae of human interaction. Minor changes in facial expressions, shifts in body language, or variations in vocal tone are often magnified, leading to a state of heightened hypervigilance. The brain essentially works overtime to scan the environment for evidence of impending abandonment, which unfortunately creates a self-fulfilling cycle. In this state, the desperate attempt to avoid pain ends up triggering the very emotional instability that threatens the stability of important relationships. This level of sensitivity is not a deficit of character; it is a neurological state of constant high alert that makes the process of emotional regulation a monumental, exhausting endeavor.

The Intersection of Developmental Stress and Invalidation

It is impossible to conduct a thorough analysis of the science of BPD without acknowledging the crucial intersection of biological predisposition and environmental history. The prevailing scientific consensus is established through the biosocial model, which posits that BPD emerges from a complex interaction between a child’s innate biological vulnerability and a long-term invalidating environment.

Biological vulnerability refers to a natural temperament characterized by heightened emotional sensitivity, extreme emotional intensity, and a notably slow return to an emotional baseline after being triggered. When a child possessing this specific temperament is raised in an environment that consistently invalidates, dismisses, or punishes their internal emotional experiences, they often fail to acquire the foundational skills necessary to label, manage, or self-soothe their emotions effectively.

Invalidation manifests when a person’s authentic internal experiences are disregarded or trivialized as being “dramatic” or “unfounded.” Over time, the child internalizes the message that their internal signals are incorrect or unacceptable. As they progress into adulthood, this historical lack of self-validation makes it profoundly difficult to regulate mood swings independently. The brain effectively remains stuck in a developmental state where emotions are experienced as external, uncontrollable, and dangerous forces rather than manageable, internal occurrences. This history of chronic invalidation reinforces the brain’s inability to calm itself, as the neural pathways required for effective self-soothing were never given the chance to develop or strengthen during critical developmental years.

Pathways to Neuroplasticity and Stability

The science behind BPD is not a permanent sentence of unavoidable suffering. The concept of neuroplasticityβ€”the brain’s inherent ability to reorganize its structure by forming new, healthier neural connectionsβ€”provides a scientifically supported path toward increased stability. Modern therapeutic interventions are explicitly designed to physically alter how the brain processes, interprets, and reacts to emotional stimuli.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) serves as the gold standard for clinical treatment in BPD. It focuses on teaching concrete, actionable skills across four primary modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Through the consistent and repeated application of these skills, patients help strengthen the prefrontal cortex’s functional ability to exert influence over the amygdala. In a sense, the consistent application of DBT acts as a form of neuro-physical therapy, training the brain to shift from impulsive bottom-up reactivity to measured, top-down regulation.

Beyond traditional clinical settings, some individuals find supplemental support through digital resources or the guidance of a virtual psychiatrist to facilitate consistent access to cognitive behavioral exercises. While personalized, face-to-face professional guidance remains the most potent tool, the core of long-term recovery resides in the diligent, consistent internal work of recognizing, labeling, and mitigating emotional surges as they arise. By maintaining consistency in therapy and prioritizing lifestyle habits like structured sleep hygiene and active stress management, the nervous system can eventually transition from a state of exhausting hypervigilance to one of sustainable calm.

Conclusion and Call to Action

The emotional fluctuations associated with Borderline Personality Disorder are deeply embedded within the complex architecture of the brain and the nuanced interplay of an individual’s life history. By viewing these behavioral challenges through a rigorous scientific lens, we have the opportunity to replace the weight of stigma with the light of empathy, and the confusion of uncertainty with the clarity of clinical understanding. The hyper-reactivity of the limbic system, the rigid cognitive distortions of black-and-white thinking, and the cumulative impact of chronic environmental invalidation all converge to produce the intense emotional shifts that define this experience.

It is critical to understand that recovery is not only possible but is a demonstrated reality for countless individuals who commit to the process. This journey begins with the fundamental acknowledgement that emotional regulation is not an innate talent, but rather a functional skill that can be developed and refined over time. As scientific research continues to advance our knowledge of the neurobiology of personality, our capacity to provide targeted, effective, and compassionate support will only continue to grow.

poetry: warzone

I wrote this poem in June of 2022.

you can go your own way-fleetwood mac

I’ve walked through the warzone of my love life long enough to know
when a bomb is about to explode (when I fall of some guy’s dream girl altar)
It’s a minefield full of suppressed feelings
consequences of accommodating to a man’s ego
And I’ll tread ever so carefully
I don’t want to be alone, I just want to be loved,
I’ll bend and bend until you call me Gumby
Except I’m not and then I’ll snap and another bomb will go off
β€œYou’re crazy,” you’re dangerous” β€œ I don’t recognize you”
all for expressing my feelings and wanting respect and dignity

Mastering the Business Side of Creativity Without Losing Your Passion

Image by Pexels

Mastering the Business Side of Creativity Without Losing Your Passion by Ian Garza

For small creative business owners, designers, writers, makers, and photographers, the work itself often feels electric, and everything around it can feel like a drag. Business management challenges stack up fast: money conversations, client expectations, messy timelines, and the constant fear that structure will smother artistic passion. Many creative entrepreneurs end up balancing creativity and business by pushing the admin tasks to late nights, then wondering why the spark starts to dim. With a few steady foundations, the business can support the art instead of competing with it.

Quick Summary: Creative Business Basics

  • Set pricing with confidence by choosing a simple strategy you can explain and stand behind.
  • Use basic contracts and clear invoices to protect your work and get paid smoothly.
  • Build a lightweight workflow that keeps projects moving without draining your creative energy.
  • Market authentically by showing your work and values in a way that feels like you.
  • Organize finances with simple systems so you always know what is coming in and going out.

Set Up Your Creative Business in One Clean Pass

Here’s one way to walk through this.

This process helps you put simple business foundations in place without smothering your creative energy. For general readers, it matters because a few clear defaults reduce stress, speed up payment, and prevent awkward client or contractor situations.

  1. Pick a basic legal structure you can live with
    Start with the simplest option that fits your reality today, not an imaginary future version of your career. If you are solo and testing demand, many people begin as a sole proprietor, then switch later if taxes, liability, or growth make it worthwhile. If you are weighing an LLC, use a clear state-by-state breakdown like Zippy LLCs to compare filing requirements and formation-service options without overthinking it. Write down what you are optimizing for this year: simplicity, protection, or scalability.
  2. Compare setup paths and choose your β€œtoday plan”
    Create a side-by-side list with three columns: β€œDo it myself,” β€œUse a formation service,” and β€œHire a pro.” Compare them by cost, time, and how confident you will feel filing and tracking basics. Choose the path that you will actually complete this week, because finish beats perfect.
  3. Set pricing with a minimum floor and a simple menu
    Pick a baseline rate that covers your time, tools, and admin work, then build a small menu of 2 to 4 common offers with clear deliverables. A quick way to keep your spark is to price for outcomes and boundaries, not endless revisions. Add one sentence to each offer that defines what β€œdone” means.
  4. Use an independent-contractor contract and stay consistent
    Use a straightforward contract template for every project, even with friends, so expectations stay calm and professional. If you ever hire help, start with a contractor vs employee classification assessment so you do not accidentally treat a contractor like staff. Watch for red flags like company-provided training that can blur the relationship.
  5. Invoice from a template and lock in a repeatable workflow
    Create one invoice template with your pay terms, late fee language if you use it, and a short description of what the client is paying for. Then build a tiny workflow you reuse: inquiry, scope, contract, first invoice, work, final delivery, final invoice, archive. Put it in a checklist so your admin takes minutes, not mental space.

You are building a container that protects your art, not a cage that limits it.

Streamline Admin with One Hub for Setup, Compliance, and Routines

Once your foundation is in place, the next win is making the day-to-day admin feel lighter instead of louder.

A comprehensive business platform can pull your scattered tasks, contracts, invoices, expense tracking, branding, and compliance, into one place, so you’re not rebuilding the wheel every time a new project lands. That kind of β€œsingle hub” setup reduces decision fatigue: fewer logins, fewer tabs, fewer half-finished systems competing for your attention. Whether you’re forming an LLC, keeping up with compliance requirements, creating a website, or handling finances, a platform like ZenBusiness can pair comprehensive services with expert support, helping you keep the back office moving without it stealing your creative energy. The result isn’t a more complicated business, it’s a simpler, more reliable one, where your tools and routines protect your time, keep your work organized, and make steady growth feel doable.

With that steadiness under you, marketing can shift from β€œugh, I should” to a repeatable, low-pressure way to be found by the right people.

Market Yourself Without Feeling Salesy: A Simple Playbook

Marketing gets a lot easier when it stops feeling like a separate personality you have to put on. The goal is an authentic marketing rhythm you can repeat, even on busy weeks, without draining your creative spark.

  1. Build a β€œsmall but sharp” portfolio: Pick 6–10 pieces that show the work you want more of, not everything you can do. Give each piece a 1–2 sentence caption: the problem, your approach, and the outcome (even if the outcome is qualitative, like β€œapproved on first round”). Put it all in one link you can drop into emails, proposals, and invoices so your admin β€œhub” supports your marketing instead of creating extra steps.
  2. Choose three brand anchors and reuse them everywhere: Consistent personal branding doesn’t mean a perfect aesthetic, it means people recognize you quickly. Decide on (a) one sentence for what you do, (b) three words for your vibe (e.g., β€œplayful, precise, calm”), and (c) two proof points (e.g., turnaround time, process, niche). A useful reminder is that a personal brand isn’t about performance, it’s about purpose, so keep your anchors tied to what you value, not what you think will β€œsell.”
  3. Write two case studies using a repeatable template: You don’t need a long blog, two solid β€œbefore/after” stories do a lot of heavy lifting. Use this structure: Context β†’ Constraints β†’ Your process β†’ Result β†’ What you’d do again. Keep each one to 200–300 words and add one image or screenshot. This gives you ready-made material for your website, pitch emails, and even a proposal section.
  4. Collect social proof like it’s part of the project: Add a 2-minute β€œwrap” step to your workflow: request a testimonial the day you deliver, while the win is fresh. Offer prompts so it’s easy: β€œWhat were you struggling with before?” β€œWhat changed?” β€œWhat would you tell a friend about working together?” The most common types of social proof include reviews, testimonials, user-generated content, and case studies, pick two formats and standardize them.
  5. Use low-pressure outreach that sounds like you: Save three short messages and personalize them in under five minutes: a β€œsaw your work” compliment, a β€œquick idea” relevant to their project, and a clear ask (a 15-minute call or permission to send a one-page scope). This works because it’s human; 45% of respondents say incessant advertising made them lose confidence in a brand, so lead with relevance and respect, not volume.
  6. Set a sustainable weekly marketing block (and track it like admin): Put one 30–45 minute block on your calendar for β€œvisibility”: update one portfolio caption, request one testimonial, send two outreach notes, or post one process photo. Keep a simple log in the same place you track invoices and deadlines so you can see what effort leads to inquiries. That clarity also makes it easier to set confident policies around deposits, boundaries, and what happens when the scope shifts.

Business Boundaries FAQs for Busy Creatives

Q: How do I set boundaries with clients without sounding β€œdifficult”?
A: Frame boundaries as a process that protects the work, not a rule that punishes people. Use simple lines like, β€œHere’s what I can deliver by Friday,” and β€œHere’s what needs a change request.” Put response hours and revision limits in writing before you start.

Q: What should a deposit policy actually say?
A: Keep it plain: the deposit amount or percentage, when it’s due, and that work begins after payment clears. Add one sentence on refunds, such as β€œDeposits are non-refundable once scheduling and prep begin.” Include the remaining payment timing tied to milestones or delivery.

Q: How do I stop scope creep when clients keep adding β€œtiny” requests?
A: Understand scope creep to name the issue, then offer two options: swap something out, or approve a paid add-on. This matters because uncontrolled requirement changes can derail projects, even when everyone has good intentions.

Q: When should I use a change order versus just being flexible?
A: Use a change order when the request affects time, deliverables, or number of revisions. If it’s truly minor, confirm it in one sentence in email so both of you agree on what changed. The goal is clarity, not bureaucracy.

Q: Can financial tracking be simple enough for tax time?
A: Yes: track income, expenses, and receipts in one place, and schedule a 15-minute weekly update. A practical starting point is pulling last year’s tax return so you know which forms and categories you’ll likely need again.

Small policies create big calm, and calm is where your best work shows up.

Simplify Your Systems So Your Creativity Stays Centered

When you’re trying to protect your creative spark, business tasks can feel like a constant tug-of-war with your time and energy. The steadier path is a simple, repeatable approach: start small, keep it consistent, and let confidence in business systems build through practice rather than pressure. With clear boundaries, basic tracking, and a few foundational business tools, finances and workflows stay tidy enough that decisions get easier instead of louder. A simple system you use beats a perfect system you avoid. Pick three tools, then schedule a 30-minute monthly business review to keep things honest and manageable as you begin scaling your creative business. That steady rhythm is what turns talent into resilience, stability, and room to grow.

poetry: 2012

I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

in total darkness I fell for a while
for a year I didn’t listen to music
For a year I don’t remember being a mom
and while I still function and went to work
Several years later
I realize how I had forgotten all about
the darkness I had fallen in a while ago
my mind blocked it in an attempt to move on
in an attempt to heal

poetry: demon

I wrote this poem in November of 2024.

that poet was Conan Gray

I found God as a poet sang on stage sang
β€œDon’t be scared little child, you’re no demon”
it was a moment of triumph acknowledging
that all of this time, I had been lying to myself
I was never a demon, or the monster larger than life
I had made myself out to be
I was just a flawed and imperfect child of God

poetry: waltz

I wrote this poem in November of 2022.

me and my future bae

breathing out the past, inhaling the future
I fall into emotional stability and it’s uncomfortable
I didn’t understand or know how to live a life without chaos
because for most of my life
I danced in the fire of chaos-wildly swinging everywhere
Discordant and without direction
And now I found rhythm along with direction

poetry: finding myself in Autumn

I wrote this poem in October of 2021.

hope in my eyes
me in Autumn of 2021

The rain falls steadily in Autumn
and I remember the 9 days in the summer
When the tears wouldn’t quit raining from my eyes
The eternal emotional pain wouldn’t stop
the lonely nights I couldn’t sleep
the infinite anger and sadness that I felt
the emptiness that wouldn’t
go away
the food I couldn’t eat.
And yet I still woke up
every day with a determination to live
live for my kids
live for my friends
live for myself
even at my worst,
even at my most vulnerable
Somehow, I managed
managed to find strength
managed to find inspiration
and somehow managed to
find my way back to myself
Summer was the season
I died when I was
rejected by the one who
claimed to love me
Autumn is the season I was reborn
and I fell back in love
with myself, forgot him
and fell into the magic
that is me

poetry: under

I wrote this poem in September of 2022.

me with one of my voices of reason

I feel left out by my friends and I cry and whine
β€œthey hate me, I’m not good enough for them”
my voice of reason tells me
β€œit will be okay, you don’t need them”
it’s my sister

I break down in the middle of the sidewalk
and cry and scream
β€œI’m unworthy of love, I’ll be alone forever”
my voice of reason tells,
β€œthat’s not true, you just need to focus on you boo”
It’s my son

my voice of reason has comforted me and loved me unconditionally
my voice of reason keeps me from going under

poetry: model

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

my son wants to be a model and I worry about what this means for him
in my eyes I think he’s perfect the way he is
in one year he went from my cherub angel to a handsome lanky stranger
but he thinks he still needs a lot of work
so he goes on nightly runs until he’s breathless
lifts weights he borrows from his older brother
applies all kinds of lotions to try to get rid of little blemishes
He tells me, β€œI already have the perfect personality,
now I just need the perfect body and I nod in grief,
β€œalready at 13, he feels that heaviness of the unrealistic standards
of beauty placed on him

poetry: bomb

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

so annoying

the bomb of my insanity explodes and I try my best
to do damage control
tell my paranoid inner child not everyone’s out to get me
but it’s too late and I fall once again under the spell of depression
I try every single coping mechanism and it’s futile
I just need to sit and acknowledge my inner critic
and the dark and intrusive thoughts that come up
Understand and accept that shit is temporary
there will be better times ahead
for now it’s just annoying

poetry: miracle

I wrote this poem in July of 2024.

got on my lover girl earrings

I’m going to paint the sky with all of the colors of your love
red, green, yellow, dark gray, midnight blue, and black
every single color you’ve brought to my life
it’s will be the most epic mural who beauty will rival
the taj mahal
a mural decided to my own miracle of your love

poetry: intruder

the intruder within me won’t quit
she remembers every wrong done to her
and every mistake she’s made
and starts the game of how much self loathing
i can take
And I used to try to quell her with affirmations
but lately I tell her-tell me more-
And I listen and write out her words
about every insecurity that still plagues me
and she stops because it’s no longer fun
so she leaves once she’s acknowledged
and once again I return to my inner peace

poetry: new dark ages

I wrote this poem in July of 2024.

in a major depressive episode

these must be the new dark age of my life
where I can’t find my life’s purpose,
where I cry because I don’t think
I’ll ever be loved
where the sleeping pills in my drawers
are tempting me to end my misery

poetry: charity

I wrote this poem in July of 2024.

feeling some kind of way

their used knicknacks, their used clothes
their used whatever is taking up too much space
in their closet or garage
all of this is given to their browner and poorer
counterparts
act like ever act of charity will bring them
one step closer to heaven
when at times their recipients feel
like it’s a act of condescension, arrogance
a way to remind them where they belong
a way to remind them of their working
class status
the haves need the have nots to have someone
to feel superior to
while the have nots cannot escape
the cycle of poverty
due to the greed of the haves