To the one who stay to love me Thank you, thank you, thank you I know I’m not always easy to deal with I know my brand of crazy doesn’t always bring out the best of me I know that my anger makes me a monster sometimes But you’ve stayed and dealt with it the best way you could Either calling me out when I’m dramatic or expressing your concern when I’m salty or impulsive The sense of community you’ve given me feels like my life’s remedy You’ve never asked me to change and really love and accept me
ahora recién reconoces tu error y me pides disculpas ahora recién decides enfrentar el dolor que generaste al negar la existencia de nuestro hijo ahora recién quieres desempeñar tu papel de padre después de tu desgraciada ausencia de tres años esperando que te perdone como si nada paso lo siento, pero vete de aquí– el no necesita a un infeliz en su vida que nunca pudo dar la cara por el que prefiero esconderlo y olvidarlo por tres años que quiere usarlo para limpiar su conciencia para sentirse mejor
I’m finally free from the chains of love I felt truly a slave to it Thinking I needed it, thinking I wanted it But the truth is the only person I ever needed was me I never needed anyone else to care for me, to love me it’s always temporary until they leave Today marks my independence day from love’s heavy and terrible weight Because I am worth more than another fickle soul Who I always become too much for Because I deserve a sense of emotional stability After so many emotional scars caused by love
The princess and the queen live within me And they each serve a purpose the princess cares about the men in her life She’s soft and submissive, kind and generous She’ll do anything for love, she’s loyal But sometimes the princess get taken advantage of And the queen steps in The queen is determined, she is strong and opinionated And ambitchous and bossy She’ll do anything to protect herself and her kids and gives zero fucks about anyone else And lately I’m trying to find a perfect balance of embracing these two beings who live within me
Some days I can’t deal with the boredom and restless It all leads to chronic feelings of emptiness And I asked myself Is it time for another depression spell? And I’m annoyed by me, by everything I attend to whatever I think my brain and my soul needs Sometimes it’s music, sometimes it’s sunshine Sometimes it’s writing Sometimes nothing appeases the Gods of BPD And I just to deal with my emotional instability I wish for at least a week of tranquility within Instead of a pendulum of ever changing mood swings When will I finally get calm and peace?
Overturning my right to choose feels like a slap to my face it is my american dream of liberty turned into a nightmare of reproductive imprisonment because of my 3 unplanned pregnancies, because of my 4 IUDs birth control pills and a patch because I am a woman scared for my niece, for my future granddaughters scared for the generations of women who come after me and I sit here at a complete loss for words and understanding at a loss for how this could happen a fundamental right ripped from right before our eyes while we were distracted with the modernity of society a fundamental right ripped from us that will take us back to the 1950’s
People say I shouldn’t give up on love and it’s really just my bad luck But how do I explain How love makes me insane It’s not the men I pick It’s really me, me, me I’ll become the version they want me to be thinking they’ll stay with me- behave, swallow my words, hide my anger, implode on myself in the privacy of my journal but keep my mask of sweet princess on- but this never last for long something always happens it’s just a matter of when when will I get tired of hiding who I am and start being erratic and crazy When will they get tired of my bullshit and decided to leave and almost always, this ends up as an emotional catastrophe for me so I’ve come up with a solution I’m going to make my newfound solitude a haven, a sanctuary to fall into give myself as much time as I need to enjoy the gift on my own company understanding that this isn’t an ending but rather a brand new beginning for me to write and edit my own unconventional love story
In therapy I’m supposed to write about the last thing that cause me grief and I think it’s funny considering the tons of poetry and journal entries I’ve written about it I’m tired of writing about it, I’m tired of talking about it I’m tired of thinking about it and I want to tell my therapist I don’t have homework for this week but this is part of therapy this is what I need to address the unhealed trauma within so I’ll write for the 1000th time about the last thing that caused trauma and grief hoping my therapist will provide valuable insight on how to let go of it
I wrote this poem in May of 2022 inspired by this “woke” white woman. Lol.
you’re nothing but a selfish and narcissistic attention whore constantly craving the limelight by posting long and stupid ridden Facebook statuses about the “truth” of the injustice you see injecting yourself as the voice of minorities it all unveils your world of deep seated insecurities and the irony of all of this is should you know better since you’re a therapist but apparently you’re still dumb as fuck It doesn’t matter how many degrees you have-you still reek of ignorance
I’d rather live in music, daydreams, and fantasies than face the monotony and routine of real life who wants to deal with spreadsheets when I can get lost in dreams about finding the one who wants to answer to karen’s idiotic questions when I got taylor swift on repeat who wants to open and read another email about another stupid workplace policy when I can fantasize about the best sex I had the a few nights ago real life is too boring for me when I have music, daydreams, and fantasies waiting to inspire the writer in me
I believe in second and third chances because more often than not I’m the one who’s written off because more often than I’m left after the first time I fuck up because more often than I’m expected to be almost perfect and this weighs on me heavily but it’s my cruel reality so I’ll give a second, a third, even a 4th chance because I believe people can change because I accept people for the humans they are because even if my benevolence burns me at times at least I don’t commit an emotional crime cause judgment without compassion makes one an inhumane and callous robot
Fuck you, fuck me, fuck everyone Is my mood stabilizer working yet? and fuck, fuck, fuck my brain chemistry it makes me so angry and crazy Sometimes I’d rather feel nothing than constantly feeling everything Between my anxiety, depression, bipolar And bpd I can’t trust my brain to tell me the difference between right and wrong I can’t trust my heart if my feelings are valid or if it’s inner critic preying on my insecurities on day likes this I’d rather disappear because being me gets so exhausting
My heart blooms like a flower in the spring taking in the beauty of everything I’m no longer so angry and feel a freedom to just be I take things in stride and no longer feel the need to fight Is this what healing looks like?