I wrote this in 2003 about Damon who I was seeing again.
Your strange ways confuse me One moment you hold me in your arms The next moment you want someone else in your arms Do you want to break our amorous ties? Was the love you professed another one of your lies?
Rising from a deep sleep That had become our marital bed Passion woke up In a sudden caress Of your rough hands On my soft bare back Your eyes shone on me again With that long lost stare Desire Our long lost friend Is back To reclaim us From our endlessly deep and dreamless sleep
I wrote this poem in fall of 2005 when I was feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities of being a mother, a girlfriend, a student and a worker. As usual at that time, I took on too much and was trying to be everything to everyone. One trait of BPD that I’ve carried throughout the years is over extending myself sometimes to my detriment in order to make other people happy.
I wrote this in March of 2020 as I was reflecting on my suicide attempt in December of 2016. I don’t remember writing this poem but that could be because it was a crazy time for me since I was an essential worker during COVID.
Appearances were kept well for 15 years the husband, the salaried job, the 3 off springs I pretended like everything was fine And yet there were ominous signs I never felt like my authentic self and always felt false I tried on this so called suburban bliss and mediocre routines but knew it just wasn’t me So I ended up in profound misery And one day I wanted to forever sleep To forget my mediocre reality I took 15 numb feeling pills one for every pseudo happy year I wanted to slip into a forever dream to never wake up to my false stability
I wrote this in the year 2001 after really good sex with my ex Paul. He was 29 and I was 19 at the time. It may have been the first or second time I think. He said to me right afterwards, “Don’t fall in love with me.” Man, I sure know how to pick them. Lol.
He was beautiful He made love to me with his eyes He made me melt with the simplest caress He made me feel like a woman With his beautiful words and loving touch We melted together as one And finally as we reached the end We knew that as we exploded in the ecstasy that our lovemaking brought We are one for the other And we will be forever
Pensaba que yo era la única que ocupaba un sitio en tu corazón nunca pense que llegaria el momento que me dirias “ya no te amo” nunca cruzó en mi mento que había otra mujer Pensaba que teniamos mas tiempo ahora estas en mi estante de imbéciles