The princess and the queen live within me And they each serve a purpose the princess cares about the men in her life She’s soft and submissive, kind and generous She’ll do anything for love, she’s loyal But sometimes the princess get taken advantage of And the queen steps in The queen is determined, she is strong and opinionated And ambitchous and bossy She’ll do anything to protect herself and her kids and gives zero fucks about anyone else And lately I’m trying to find a perfect balance of embracing these two beings who live within me
your wretched goodbye brought a radical change within me left behind was the naive girl who fell in love with you left behind was the stupid bitch who made a home in you left behind was the insecure woman who made you her world the woman who stands before you made a 360 turn the woman who stands before lives life according to her own terms without apologizing, without accommodation, without toning herself down the woman you left behind no longer exists she turned into ashes and out of the ashes turned into a brave and powerful queen who learned that her love is the rarest type of jewel that she reserves only for those who love her and accept her exactly as she is
My heart blooms like a flower in the spring taking in the beauty of everything I’m no longer so angry and feel a freedom to just be I take things in stride and no longer feel the need to fight Is this what healing looks like?
Hope lies in the next minute, the next hour, the next day,the next week Hope makes us believe there is something to look forward to even in our darkest hour Hope gives us the strength to continue on when we don’t want to
I hide the craziest parts of myself The parts that get sad, The parts that get obsessed The parts that lose hope I hide the worst parts of myself the parts that feel empty The parts that feel numb The parts that want to die I hide the craziest and worst parts of myself so no one else will leave
I never needed anyone to teach me how to love what I needed was understanding and acceptance while my love is kind and sweet most of the time my love also cannot be tamed at times when it gets wild and out of control it’s better to just ride the big wave of it until it is tamed and soft again it wasn’t that I didn’t know how to love It’s just that most don’t know how to handle it my kind of overwhelming love is a crazy kind of love it will hurt you, challenge you and bring conflict it will make you want to slap the shit out of me because yes it’s that intense but my kind of of love is always worthy
I want to be soft again and fall in love without thinking that feels like a special kind of freedom to share the burdens with someone to share the laughter with someone to share a unique kind of love with someone but my heart is locked under a fortress and I refuse to let anyone in because in all honesty I don’t think I could stand the pain again when another lover leave suddenly and I’m left again with the shards of my heart to put them back together and carry on
the world wide web has been an important part of my life story without it, there wouldn’t have been AOL chat rooms without AOL chat rooms, I wouldn’t have met the man who would drastically change my life path at 16 to become a mom at 17
I’m constantly shunned from men who profess their love when I show up feral and without a filter They’ll call me their princess until I show them my wild They always love me beautiful and submissive and they leave when I get assertive and subversive They feel deceived when they fall for a polite princess And somehow end up with an amazon Queen Maybe it’s the Incan in me who can’t reign it in They say, “you’re too much, you’re too crazy” Is there a man out there who can handle my duality?
Day 23 of doing a 31-day poetry prompt challenge. Today’s prompt was “From the Ashes of the Phoenix” . The artwork is “Mama Quilla” by artist Rodrigo Elgueta in 2001.
I wrote this poem in 2019 while going through a deep depression and reflecting on my crazy year of 2018. I put myself in a place where I was constantly objectified by men and even my friends. It felt good since at that time I felt the high of unhealthy validation for a while but then it got tiring.
I wrote this in January of 2003 about John. Guess I was still mad at the rejection I felt when he ghosted me.
It’s like that sometimes
If I was nothing more Than another girl Why couldn’t you have been straight Instead of acting in an enamored way And made me really believe You truly care for me but I should have known all along that you’d be the same jerk song Hopefully one day I’ll learn to stop taking all you crooked turns
I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way thatthey almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow.
Often men want this girl…the ones that’s always down for a “good” timeBUT run away from this one….the other girl …the vulnerable one that has a realness hard to accept
I wrote this poem on February 22, 2021. I wrote this while I still in a relationship with my most recent ex. I really thought he would be the one to stay but it wasn’t meant to be and that’s okay. I look at year 39 that in spite of facing constant depression and craziness because of COVID, I still had something important in life and that was love even if at the end it didn’t work out. It was a year full of magical moments that I will never regret.
February 22, 2021
Last day of thirty nine and I look back on this decade with love and no regrets The decade started with my third miracle of life and ended with the miracle of love The decade started with a once stable and normal suburban life and ended with a chaotically busy and poly life The decade started with a half loved marriage and ended with an almost separation Toxicity ruled 2 and a half years of the decade but he left Now I’m left with a new determination to fulfill my potential and let no one or nothing stop me
Life on the BPD 