poetry: prima Jessica

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

me and cousin Jessica in the 80s

compassion and hope appear in a phone call from my prima
right before I give in to my hate and anger
right before I let my rage control me and make it into a weapon
of destruction
she reminds me that this is not who I am and to choose forgiveness
and empathy for those who hurts us for they don’t know what they do
and I wonder if it was an intervention from God, the universe,
reminding me that revenge and the wrath of my anger is not the answer
and instead I should look to love and wisdom passed down from my ancestors
for the confusion and frustration turned into rage that lies within me

poetry: under siege

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

my beloved LA is under siege
the place that saw my immigrant child self grow,
and learn English
the place my parents decided to make their new home
the place with tastiest hot dogs at culver city mall

my beloved LA is under siege
and all I can do is watch the carnage be livestreamed
and I’m transported once again to the L.A riots in 1992
when I was 11 and violence and madness
was a stone’s throw away from our small apartment
while mami pretends nothing’s happening
as she cooks dinner
and we’re all glued to the TV

my beloved LA is under siege
and I couldn’t be prouder of my people standing loud
and with a firm grip of love and justice
for the most vulnerable of us
whose only crime was to come this country
in search for a better life

poetry: American idiots

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

we get up and live our daily lives, work, go to school, show up to jury duty
while the new regime is on a warpath to destroy the lives of the most vulnerable
of the marginalized, of those who are not white, cis, and male
we get and continue to live as if the American Gestapo isn’t ripping families apart
and as if city after city isn’t been torn apart and turned into a warzone

poetry: not in the mood

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

not feeling romantic lately as my community is torn apart
and cruelty is served to them by this administration with no end date
as I watch America’s Gestapo treat my people as worse than animals
but somehow I’m suppose to block this all out
and reply to your sext about all the ways I want you
to ravage me

poetry: maybe I’m the problem

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

I try to banish the clouds of doubts and insecurities in me
everytime I’m in love, I get like this
everytime I start to feel comfortable in a new sanctuary
I start to question
if i’m worthy, if i’m deserving
is it possible that really, I’m the problem
and the one who sabotages everything

poetry: soft heart

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

me in 1988

my rage comes in like a bright orange burst and it explodes in social media posts,
my notebooks, and journal
it’s my inner child scared and anxious who feels threatened
and take it upon herself to call on middle age me
to defend her, to protect her from the cruelty and abuse happening in front of her
so many families like mine torn apart
so many immigrant children like me many years ago crying for their parents
not understanding why this is happening
and I feel the heavy weight of impotence not knowing how I can help
or what to do to stop all of this needless pain and suffering happening in front of me
and all I see is a bright orange burst of rage ready to punch walls
because my empathetic and soft heart feels the cries, the whimpers, the screams
of the parents and kids whose only crime was to leave their country
in search for a better life

poetry: exhaustion

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

to inhabit and exist in my body is exhausting
it’s constantly being in fight or flight mode
constantly waiting in hypervigilance
for the next atrocity from this administration
wondering if my son will make it home today without incident
worrying if my parents or brother will be taken away by the American Gestapo
lighting candles and praying on my rosary for my family’s safety and my sanity
try my best to function as democracy is falling and continuously reminding people
yes, immigrants are human beings and deserving of respect and dignity

poetry: pink haze

I wrote this poem in June of 2025.

floating in a neon pink haze , the afterlife awaits
no more suffering, no more mental health crisis
no more dark doses of reality
this could be lovely and nice
but I’m pushed out by forces beyond my control
wake up in a fog
my soul’s purpose has not been fulfilled
I must continue telling my story

poetry: exorcism

I wrote this poem in May of 2025.

I need to exorcize you and you out of me before I step into a new chapter of love
It’s not fair to him to allow past chapters to haunt me and make me question my sanity
and maybe that’s ghosting you and sharing our story of toxic love in spanish
and while my methods may be a tad questionable
it’s the best I can do for now and for me, it’s enough

poetry: some storms

I wrote this poem in April of 2025.

some storms are worth the rainbows that come after them
like the first steps taken after an invasive and life changing surgery
like the victory dinner after the termination of a marriage
that never should have happened
like the first drive alone after beating a 15 year driving phobia
like the child graduating at the top 10 percent of his class
even though the odds were stacked against him
like the rainbow child born after enduring the nightmare
of losing one
like still being here and writing a poem about storms and rainbows
even though many times you’ve been tempted by thanatos whispers to end it
some storms are worth the rainbows that come after them
because rainbows are hope, magic, and joy that make a life worth living

poetry: Tacos de Carne Asada

I wrote this poem in April of 2025.

saliva drips from my month as a gentle desire overtakes me
tacos de carne asada with onions and cilantro in front of me
he knew exactly how to start melting the jaded and bitter bitch in me
he knew how to lure out the romantic in me who’s terrified to start anew
and while to some it may seem like a simple gesture
he knew that to me it meant everything

poetry: advice

I wrote this poem in April of 2025.

my teenager gives my dating advice,
at 13, he thinks he knows everything
after watching an unhealthy amount of romantic animes
and getting his first girlfriend
says romance should be a slow burn
don’t hold hands until the twentieth date
and don’t think about the benefits of the men I’m dating
Concentrate on what my heart is feeling
and I don’t know if I should be offended or impressed
but then again at 44, I am the one divorced
with a trail of several trainwrecks relationships left behind
maybe I should take his words of wisdom seriously