Excitement over our new computer I can’t wait to get into those yahoo and aol chatrooms I’ll bet I’ll meet someone and maybe even fall in love maybe I’ll have better luck find a man online than I have in real life maybe the man I find will stay and become my soulmate
burning house, no way out Stuck in bed as I call out for help no one comes, as the flame gets closer and closer to me and there is no way out, is this the end of me am I about to meet God or Satan or worse end up in purgatory
Mason like the jar was his name being a fuckboy was his game He tried to act wise beyond his 23 years But he was still wet behind his ears He thought he could deceive me and lies and lies and lies he told me told me he lived with a roommate when it was really his soul mate He wanted his ice cream and cake but I saw through his con game And right away I stopped our lust filled affair My respect I needed to firmly declare
don’t ever crash out on me via email, I’ll make it into blog content years later
I no longer believe in forevers or happily ever afters too many times I’ve been let down by love too many times love has run through my hands like water
Mi soledad me enferma por quererte mas y mas aunque tu ya no me amas aunque ya no me tocas aunque me niegas tus caricias Y tus palabras de amor no tienen calor
Mi soledad me mata Y quiero gritar Por que te fuistes de mi vida Y que fuistes mi siempre, y no un quizás Y ahora eres un a jamás
Mi soledad me dice Fuiste otra lección que aprender En este estúpido juego de amor Llena de nuevo con una sabor amargo
nunca será la mujer de tu vida y me toca aceptar esta realidad que alguien como tu siempre me mirara como alguien común y nunca pensarás que quizás soy algo más que una mujer bella nunca notaras que soy el fuego de inspiración que puede ser tu musa
once upon a time I wrote a lovely poem about us and called it by starlight it told the story of our first night but now you’re gone and all I’m left with are memories of who we once were and while I miss you I know it’s better this way we both needed a clean slate from our baggage to start anew with someone else we both needed to have a brand new start with someone who fits into the new versions of who we are now
My former lover prays for me because I won’t fuck him Is this how it feels like to change my story from on call whore to an I’m healing and deserve better “Woman Is this how it feels like to to go from fun girl to healthy woman I use to measure my worth by who loved me or who wanted to fuck me but those days of impulsivity and “hey, this will be fun” are long gone Now are the days of painful transformations,therapy worksheets, self reflection and most importantly self love So I put away my sexy vixen persona And I put on my ” “I’m authentic without apologies persona” I’ve stopped living to please others and now live to please myself
I’m disappointed once again -being here with you You represent everything I thought I wanted But- You don’t compare to him You make my body sing with pleasure but don’t sweep up the mess that I am You are there to help me escape but never to rescue me SO I choose him Who chooses to be there for me When I chase death in a bathtub or a bottle Because while sex and lust feels good when it’s happening It doesn’t compare to the love and support he’s provided in keeping me alive So I say goodbye to a life Full of lust filled fantasies and accept the one and only who truly cares for me
this poem has to be one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever written
My past called to me and I made the mistake of answering it and looked for the former main characters in my life Stalked them on google and social media and most of them didn’t want to be found perhaps they did the right thing in wanting to live their lives in peace without their ghosts haunting them but two of the ones who had the great impact on me both of them are happily married one of them has a son my youngest son’s age I’m glad he grew out of his peter pan syndrome and the other is about to finally become a dad at 43 his lifelong dream come true after waiting for so long I’m trying to be happy for him and with all that I’m ready to really close that chapter On my past because while I was distracted from my grief And highly entertained by my theatrics and my shitty choices in men when I was in my twenties Its time to stop this business of reminiscing of what was and what could have been Its time to accept what is and what could be and focus on making my own lifelong dreams come true And be open to my invisible string out there somewhere waiting for me
I wrote this in January of 2022 when I was depressed.
honestly
I welcome death to take me away tonight- death must be better than the anger that has made an eternal home in me death must feel better than this emptiness that lies in my heart death has to be better than this sorrow that floods my pillow with tears continuously death would be better than my emotions that threaten to consume me