Happy Halloween! What’s scarier than a regular bitch?
Poesia: No Quiero Quejarme
For the English version of the poem, click on the link below:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/08/04/poetry-i-hate-to-whine/
No quiero quejarme
pero desperdiciaste mi tiempo
no pensé que fueras otro canalla
o que me dejarías con un hueco tan profundo
Es un dolor constante y tremendo
tu cara manipuladora está grabada en mi mente
No quiero quejarme
pero estaba buscando una señal
que tu eras mi alma gemela
Y no otra persona que me llenaría con odio
Que tu eras el hombre de mis sueños
No otro hombre que rompería mi cordura
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Poetry: Rejection
I wrote this in 2009 about Brad.
Rejection
Is an interruption
Of the infatuation
I felt towards you
Rejection
Is a profound sadness
With a river of tears
That flows down my cheeks
Rejection
Is a broken promise
You made
That breaks my heart
Along with the rest of me
Rejection
Is the start of learning
Who you are
Behind the facade
Of infatuation
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Poesia: Orgullo
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/30/poetry-pride/
Nunca sabrás del dolor
Que sentí por tu abandono
nunca veras
las lagrimas que llore por ti
nunca descubrirás
como me llenaste con agonía
Porque soy demasiado orgullosa
para admitir que fui una babosa
Por que tengo demasiada dignidad
para estar llena de miseria por tu culpa
Por tengo demasiado respeto
Para convertirme en un desastre
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Poetry: August 2009
August 2009
In anticipation of the night
I was excited to see you
But then we met
And the look you gave me
said it all
without saying anything
at all
I had warned you
I had changed
But you refused to believe it
and held onto
an idealistic image of me
in your head
Worthless small talk ensued
Even though there was
nothing left to say
Your body language screamed:
“Get the fuck away from me”
But a small trickle of hope
cemented my feet to the ground
next to you
And then a sorry excuse
trickled from your lips
And you left me stranded
that night
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Poesia: Esperandote
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/10/02/eliza-conquers-heartbreak-poetry-edition-2/
Espero, espero, y espero por tu llamada
para oír que mi soledad fue una pesadilla
Espero, espero, y espero que aparezcas en mi puerta
para decirme que todavía me deseas
Espero por tu carta por correo
diciéndome que me echas de menos
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Poem: Depression
I wrote in December of 2012 when I was amidst a great depression.
Recognizing the triggers of
My depression is one of
The hardest things I have to do
It’s when I’m silent
Wishing all the bad things
Would go away
It’s when I stop listening
To music
It’s when I struggle
To open my eyes
And face another dreadful day
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Poesia: Lo Siento Por Ti
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/23/poetry-so-you/
Lo siento por ti
piensas que has ganado
pero serás otra mujer usada
crees que te ama
pero es una de sus mentiras
piensas que el es tu príncipe azul
pero tu dignidad parara en el suelo
tienes un canalla y mentiroso a tu lado
que te dejará con un mal sabor en tu boca
no digo esto porque te tengo envidia
es una advertencia
para que no acabes como mi
otra de sus muchas mujeres
que el trate como una muñeca de trapo
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Poetry: Horizon
I wrote this in 2009 when I was feeling contemplative about life.
Horizon
The horizon stretches out before me
In a limitless manner
I see a future but am unsure
Of which path to walk towards
Everything is a blank slate to me
Undefined by my indecision
The moment I choose
Is the moment I’ll become
Something, anything
Than the nothingness
That I am
The horizon stretches out before me
Offering everything and nothing
Offering this or that
Offering a wasted life
Or a meaningful one
The horizon stretches out before me
And I need to stop
My hesitation
And become a person of actions
And do something, anything
So the horizon is not wasted
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Poesia: Otra Canción Melancólico
Here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/13/poetry-same-old-ugly-song/
Pensaba que tu amor era como sueño celestial
me sentía bendecida
pero te volviste en una pesadilla infernal
y aprendí de nuevo
que tu eras otra canción melancólico
otro inútil más
mi amor se volvió en un mar de odio
me di cuenta muy tarde
Que estaba ciega
a que me estabas usando
y me lleno con un fuego de furia
Me hundí en una arena movediza de amargura
Desafortunadamente todavía me acuerdo
de nuestro amor y tu ternura
pero tú arruinaste eso cuando te fuiste con ella
Ojalá que te quedes con ella
porque ahora soy un nunca en tu vida
Quiero olvidarme de todo los que fuimos
porque estoy mejor sola que mal acompañada
tengo que aceptar la mentira que tu fuistes
tengo que aceptar que tu fuistes
otra canción melancólica
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Poetry: The Wound
I wrote this in 2008.
The Wound
It’s a wound that never closes
No matter how many years
are spent trying to close it
To taste the pure heaven that is you
and have it swept
from under me in a sudden swoop
made the everlasting wound
I looked everywhere
for somebody to help me close it
But no matter how hard
they tried, the wound
wouldn’t come close to closing
I finally met someone who lessened the pain
of the wound
with his gentle and understanding nature
But even after 6 years as his patient
the wound remains open
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Poetry: Nachos and Cheese
I wrote this poem in 2005 for my creative writing classes. Idk what I was thinking saying they were better than tacos. BLASPHEMY!
Nachos and cheese
Puts my tummy at ease
that salty taste
is never a waste
It becomes addicting
Once you start eating
Cheese over nachos
Better than tacos
Nothing comes close
to the many ohs
that this tasty treat brings
that stops my mouth cravings
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Poetry: Restless Spirits
I wrote this in 2010 when I got my first salaried job after college. I thought I was losing a part of my carefree identity. One of the BPD traits I have is this constant confusion and change in my identity. This is apparent in this poem.
Restless spirits of the past
bother my feelings of the future
I’m slowly becoming the cliche
I never wanted to become
The right amount of kids
Mr.Right and now the salaried job
The carefree single girl
is forever almost gone
and became the adult woman
But still a tiny part of her
Holds on to a string
Of hope, carefree hope
That her former self
Is not completely killed
By the new woman
In the conservative clothes
and family
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Poesia: Otro Niño Confundido
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=1792
Eras un sorpresa lleno
de atención y afección
hasta me dejastes rosas en mi tablero
Pensé, por fin, llegó mi príncipe azul
Pero después de un tiempo
Sentí la distancia entre los dos
ya no tenías tiempo para mi
pronto me darás alguna excusa estúpida
porque me tienes que abandonar
y mi corazón quedará en pedazos
no habrá nada más que decir
me dare cuenta
que tu fuiste el mismo cuento
de otro niño confundido
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Poetry: Restless
I wrote this poem in 2008. One the BPD traits is feeling restless and oh my, I feel this a lot. Sometimes it’s for a few hours, sometimes it’s for a few days and I write about it.
Restlessness lies in
my mind at
night and does
not go away
easily. It invades
my thoughts and
questions me.
Will it ever go
away or will I
become insane?
Life on the BPD 