I wrote this in 1997 about my ex James. I was pissed and super salty as you can tell. This poem is me fantasizing Karma got back to him one day. This poem is full of that great anger I feel when men are jerks to me.
You were such a cad and that makes me so sad You give women so much crap Just to get them in the sack You give them so much pressure Just so they can give you pleasure You never know how they feel After you made your kill You didn’t care And thought it was fair To use them to satisfy your primal thirst Never thinking one of them would make a big fuss Now you spend your life in bed Having to be fed How ironic it is Just cause you had to add one more to your list
This poem was about “M” and I wrote it in 2000. I had convinced my parents to take me to see him at his University which was about an hour and 15 minutes away and I went to his dorm room and we had sex and then he tells me, “I’m not serious about you, I just want to be your friend” I was pissed and upset. I don’t know how but I guess I kept in contact with him and it I remember how awful it was. Ugh. And this is why I can’t be friends with exes.
I still remember the hurtful words You said to me After making love “I’m not serious about you. I just want to be your friend” That’s when my whole world came to an end I drowned in an ocean of my own tears you had awaken my biggest fear That you wanted my body And not all of me It’s too bad That to you I was just a passing fad
I wrote this in 2000 about this guy I had met off the internet that we’ll call “M”. I wrote this after the first time I met him and felt this crazy chemistry with him and of course my idealistic 19 year old self thought that it was love at first sight. Haha. That wouldn’t be true.
I guess it must have been fate that brought me someone so great Someone who could be both my lover and my friend Whose delicious kiss I will never forget Someone who is wonderful and not full of bull Someone who makes me smile and can get me real wild These and many other reasons are why I’m so happy to call you my special guy
I wrote this in 1997 about my ex James. He was awful. He was a couple of years older than me and always tried to pressure me to go further than I wanted to. In September of that year, I succumb to that pressure and I was awful. I hope he got better at sex after that. LMAO. Anyways, he ghosted me after that and I got angry right after I went on a few sexy adventures with men I would meet from AOL Chatrooms. Of course, one this men ended up being my oldest son’s dad (but that’s another blog post)
Oh Jimmy Boy, Jimmy Boy Why do act like such a little boy By being such a little fucker And making a girl feel like a sucker By thinking only of yourself And not giving a damn about anyone else
Oh Jimmy Boy, Jimmy Boy To you, girls are just toys By thinking you’re a big stud And making a girl feel worse than mud By playing that stupid game And acting so damn lame
I wrote this in November of 2001 after the “great Breakup” of that year. I lost count of how many poems I wrote about the breakup but it’s crazy to me since that relationship only lasted a month. Lol. I am however grateful for a creative spell I had afterwards.
I’m sorry for the boy that you are And the man that you’ll never be
I’m sorry for falling in love with you And learning that your “I love you’s” were not true
I’m sorry for every girl that ever fell under your trap and not seeing past your Mr.Nice Guy act
I’m sorry for making love to an illusion And not seeing past the delusion
I’m sorry you’ll never be able to feel my despair And that you’ll never care
I’m sorry for all of the tears I had to cry After learning you were nothing more than a lie
But most of all I’m sorry for the day you walked into my life And for being nothing more than a waste of time
I wrote this in 1997 about my oldest son’s bio dad after he ghosted me. I was quite salty about it. Lol. You can tell that I had that black and white thinking down pat at this point.
I believed you when you told me you love me How wrong could I have been? What a fool I have been? To believe on all of the promises and all of those wonderful words you told me How could you have so cruel as to use our lovemaking to use me for other interests But most of all, how could you make me fall in love with you? And now it hurts to know you never really loved me You were just playing with my heart and mind the whole time I guess your heart must be made of ice and you must be numb You were never that good in bed anyways
I wrote this in November of 2001 after “the great breakup” of that year. To say I was pissed is an understatement. I don’t even know if angry is a strong enough word to accurately describe what I was feeling after that breakup. LOL.
7 O’clock came and you were there To pick me up from from work My feet hurt So you carried me to the car You drove me to your home And took me to your room Your friends were there we waited until they left you put on some music And we danced And as our bodies swayed to the music Your hands played with my body like an instrument you had learned on master on the first try They knew how to touch all of the right places That sent wild shivers throughout my whole body Clothes started to become undone And were on the floor in a matter of minutes we danced with our heated bodies as they longed to become whole
So I wrote this poem in 2000 when ex my boyfriend Mike said something super racist about immigrants knowing I was an immigrant myself. Talk about cognitive dissonance. Lol. He also had a super nice red sports car….and yes he was making up for something. Haha. Looking back, the dating pool in the hick town I was living in was super limited. I honestly can’t say that this had to anything to do with me over reacting because of BPD…this dude was just an ignorant asshole.
My new boyfriend What you said really hurt I never thought you were a racist jerk I don’t know if I can get past your words Staying with you would only make it worst With time I could become like you And to tell you the truth That scares me to death So now I wish we never met And that I didn’t have to tell you this I hope I won’t be missed I wish you a good life I hope one day you become wise
This was one of the first poems I wrote in 1996 so I was 15. I didn’t realize then that I would always use writing as a way to process my many, many feelings after breakups. I also want to mention that this breakup of 1996 is the one that I mention in my other blog post :
I sometimes wonder what went wrong Was it you not telling me “I love you” just that one time Or was it me and my wanting to have you all the time Sometimes I get pissed Wondering why I did that or this Or maybe I couldn’t understand If only you gave a damn And even though it’s been a long time And even though we’ve gone our separate ways My love for you still hasn’t fade away It still grows with each passing day And even though it can never go back to how it use to be You’ll always hold that special key
I wrote this in 1999 about ex. I’m not sure which ex this was about to be honest. Lol. I guess I was just feeling both nostalgic and super salty at the time.
I still love you I don’t know why I guess you were one of the few I was proud to call my special guy Or maybe you were the first one I was with To give me that special gift By loving me the way you did You never made me feel like a little kid But then she came And to you I became A thing of the past That came and went by fast But still I wish You wouldn’t have met that bitch Because I know You wouldn’t have let me go