I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

try to keep my romantic spirit alive
with a swenting of a man who doesnβt exist
Yet
a man I will call my boyfriends y el amor de mi vida
I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

we lie to ourselves continuously about our needs
to save face, to avoid conquering our fears
to not feel insecure
weβll tell ourselves we are better off alone and independent
when in reality as humans
we are meant to be social
we are meant to share ourselves with others
but itβs cooler to say, βIβm good with my solitude,
Iβm my own best friendβ
because deep down inside we donβt want to get hurt again
I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

subtitles jump from my phone screen violently
one of the few films from 1950βs mexico
that address domestic violence
one of the few films to portray the man
as the crazy one
but instead of him going to prison
for his many crimes against his wife
he ends up locked up in a monastery
I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

before I was diagnosed with BPD, I was very sick
I wished and wished to be anyone else but me
I really wanted to be a middle class white woman
the kind who grew up with 2 parents in a 2 story house the kind who never had to assimilate to fit it
the kind who never had to to fill out a FAFSA application the kind who was never neglected
and whose feelings were always validated
the kind who writes stories or poems about her favorite horse instead of stories or poems about constantly feeling like a stranger in your adopted homeland
the kind who is mostly respected by men
and not fetichized or called exotic
the kind whoβs never had 2 jobs to survive
in this capitalistic society
before I was diagnosed with BPD,I was very sick
I wished and wished to be anyone else but me
but three years into recovery
Iβve healed and wouldnβt want to be anyone else
because while itβs true that many people donβt struggle as much me everyone (even middle class white women)
still have their own set of insecurities and trauma
I know nothing about
Iβve learned I need to focus on myself,
feel gratitude for everything I have
as I reach my goals and chase my dreams
and most importantly
I now love and embrace who Iβve been,
who I am, who I will be
I no longer play a game of envy
and view myself as a broken mess
of who Iβve been or whatβs happened to me
I was never those things
Iβm a beautiful mosaic of everything
Iβve endured, experienced and lived
I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

Check your privilege at the door
every single white person who comes
asking for my opinion
I canβt be your agreeable POC anymore
Check your privilege at the door
Iβm not the voice for my community
with you, certain topics I canβt explore
donβt use me as another learning opportunity
I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

one day in bed and my son acts like its the end of the world
demands I get up and act like an adult
like the mother heβs used to seeing
but in defiance, I stay in bed
reading poetry and allow the muse to come and allow me
to pour out of me and land on paper
for once I wonβt allow the patriarchy define how I should act,
who I should be
for once I allow the poet me to be my first priority
I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

her warmth keeps me safe and loved
it protects me from the harshness of this world
I call her Mami
her strength inspires me to stand up for myself
it makes me want to become a better version of myself
I call her my sister
Her ability to be there for me keeps me from dying
It keeps from falling into a dark abyss
I call her my friend
I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

I shouldnβt wish death upon anyone
but I wish death upon you
the minute your child posted about your open heart surgery
and immediately , it makes sense,
a man with a weak mind has an even weaker heart
I shouldnβt wish death upon anyone
but I wish death upon you
couldnβt you die on the operating table?
you never deserved your life with your beautiful children
you-who made me carry the burden of shame and guilt
for years and years
I shouldnβt wish death upon anyone but I wish death upon you
you-who desecrated my morality and ethics through
your domestic authority
I shouldnβt wish death upon anyone but I wish death upon you
because someone like doesnβt deserve to breathe
the same breath of real human beings