as the leaves turn crisp, I find myself reminiscent of the many women Iβve been excited for the version of me thatβs to come understanding I was always right to continue on and trust the process understanding this heroineβs journey of mine was indeed worth it
sepia memories of my great grandmother captured her mysterious smile months before she met her untimely demise in a fire was she smiling about her newborn child or because that was coquettish nature
I dig and dig from the skeletal remains of my familyβs lore to make art out of it to pay tribute to my ancestors and my family hates me for it because no one is sanctified or worshipped in my stories everyone is shown as who theyβve been flawed individuals with mistakes made with self induced tragedies, with victims and generational curses left and passed down to us
pumpkin patches, fairy costumes, scary movies- leaves falling, trees dying- october is here another damn season of my life is here another transformation Iβm not ready for
when itβs good, I float on clouds but lately, I feel trapped like a bird in a cage doing everything I can to survive enslaved in some script I follow in order to not be alone
the sunflower longs for the warmth of summer where it feels loved and comfort- but summer has to end every year and fall comes in to kill her and she dies every autumn waiting for almost a year to be reborn
the happiest week of my life happened a year ago when I broke my two year celibacy vow and landed in my situationshipβs bed and felt stupidly hopeful we could have a new beginning where a toxic love story could be redeemed where I saw my favorite singer performed all the songs that had been the soundtrack to my healing that week everything seemed possible and that love could rise from the ashes of past crashed and setting into something full of promise and potential for fairytale ending
in the land of exhaustion, I silently pray for a burst of energy to get me through the last 4 hours of the work day to make me fake perky and be productive at my job
I wrote this poem in 2019 when I got into a fight with a friend because he was cruel to one of my friends. After this fight, we didn’t talk for 2 years but we ended up reconnecting in the summer of this year.
random pic of me pissed in 2019
βControl myselfβ, he said as I called out his misogyny his fragile ego couldnβt handle hard truths thrown at him he thinks that he has a license to offend because of the organ between his legs and the pale color of his skin- He thinks that Iβm wrong for not sitting still and silent He thinks that I have no right to stand up for myself βControl myselfβ, he said to and βfuck offβ I replied to him you wonβt ever be able to control a woman like me
compasses, faded maps, stereos, VCRS, corded phones all relics of another era when we werenβt one click away from seeking validation from our peers or the news trying to break us with each headline simpler times when we could ignore what was happening around us
the sun sets and the sky turns pink and you take my hand and tell me Iβm all youβve ever wanted And Iβm overwhelmed by your grand gesture of love and have the urge to walk away but instead I stay thinking maybe this time it will different