I wrote this poem in March of 2022.
Maybe I was captious in thinking you wanted sex
but you were really depressed and needed help
I was moody and tired and couldn’t be bothered
so I turned off my phone and wanted to be alone
I thought it was no big deal to not get back
on our idiot ferris wheel
and now I hope it’s not too late
and prioritizing myself wasn’t a mistake
because I couldn’t stand the thought of
you harming yourself be my fault
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
When darkness comes in and my sadness sets in
it covers me and I can’t see the point of it all
And then I hear a knock and it’s my son
And I remember, today he’s my life’s purpose
I need to get up and face another dreadful day
My child needs food and shelter
I can’t let my depression win
I’m a mother first
My darkness will have to be martyred
Remembering over and over again
on days like today my child’s presence
makes my bad days worth living
Have you ever broken the law and didn’t get caught, if so how?
Here is the link to scene 2: https://wp.me/p23LY2-1qu
Scene 3
Setting: Ron’s apartment. It is the same chaotic mess that we have seen before in scene 1. Chloe and Landon are standing outside Ron’s door. LANDON has a suit on while CHLOE has some kind of bohemian ensemble. Landon knocks strongly
Ron opens the door and answers it. Ron’s face looks angry for a minute but quickly changes when he sees LANDON.
RON: Hi son. Well it’s nice to see ya (he almost shuts the door on Chloe)
CHLOE: Um..hmm
RON: (turns to CHLOE): Oh, it’s you
CHLOE: You know, a nice hello would have been sufficient.
RON: (turns to LANDON) Have a seat son.Would you like something to drink?
Landon is kind of looking around at all of the chaotic mess of piles everywhere. He tries really hard to hide the disdainful and disgusted look on his face but can’t.
LANDON: I’m fine.
RON: Okay, to what do I owe the pleasure of you coming around. I haven’t seen you for months.
LANDON: (Clearing his throat) It seems that uh…you are in a dire situation and
RON: Oh, I see, your little sister got to you. Didn’t she? Well, I’ll tell you right now, she’s worrying you for nothing. Your old man’s alright.
LANDON: You see dad, you are about to be put out of your apartment at the end of the month.
RON: You’re crazy. That ole biddy has been threatening that—
LANDON: Dad! Listen to me, it’s all right here in the contract you signed last time you renewed your lease agreement.
(LANDON takes a contract out of the suitcase. RON snatches it, looks it over, his face goes pale with a deer in the headlights look
RON: Well,I’ll…37 years and I have never been late on paying rent. 37 years, your ma and I made this our home. I just can’t—
LANDON: Dad, um
CHLOE pats RON on the back.
CHLOE: It’s okay dad. Everything will be alright.
RON: I just don’t know what I’m gonna do.
CHLOE: That’s why we’re here. To help you with everything.
CHLOE hugs RON while LANDON looks on awkwardly.
Curtain comes down.
Here is a link to the first scene:https://wp.me/p23LY2-1qp
Scene 2:
SETTING: Landon’s apartment. The aesthetic in this apartment is minimalist There are no stray things around. There is a very expensive looking sculpture. Landon has a very simple geometric painting. There is a glass coffee table at the center and really sparse furniture. CHLOE is at the door ready to knock. LANDON is in an expensive jog suit and on his laptop writing a business negotiation.
CHLOE knocks tentatively on LANDON’s door, Landon looks through his smallish peephole, sighs deeply, plasters a forced smile on his face and opens the door.
LANDON: Chloe, hi! To what do I owe the pleasure of having my little sister come over here unannounced. Do you want a drink ?
CHLOE: (goes to sit down slowly on the expensive chair) No…uhh..I wouldn’t have come over if I didn’t think it was important.
LANDON: Well, you know, you could always send me a text or call me.
CHLOE: You never answer your phone or reply to my texts. Besides, this is really important.
LANDON: Well, you know, I’m a busy guy. You could have a little more consider-
CHLOE gets frustrated and yells.
CHLOE: It’s about dad!
LANDON: Jesus! You’re on that business again. I thought I had already made it clear to you what needs to be done.
CHLOE: No,you didn’t. You’ve skirted around the issue without resolving anything.
LANDON: What is there to resolve? He seems okay living by himself.
CHLOE: You only see him once a month at the most . He’s struggling and doesn’t want to admit it. He’s not only holding on to mom’s old stuff but is accumulating new stuff as a way to deal with his grief. And to make matters worse, the landlord is about to put him out. We need to reason with him.
LANDON: How is the landlord going to put him out ? I give the old biddy a little something extra so she doesn’t bother him.
CHLOE: You don’t understand.It’s not about money, they want him out because dad has basically made the place a hazard. We need to help dad.
LANDON: And what is your suggestion. Einstein?
CHLOE: Well, you know, he could always move in with you.
LANDON: Like hell he can. Listen, I got a better suggestion. I put up the money, you make all the arrangements and we put him in one of those assisted living places. He’ll be surrounded by –
CHLOE: Are you nuts? A nursing home because you don’t want your life inconvenience
LANDON: I don’t see what’s so bad—
CHLOE: It will kill him! He will hate it. You can’t always just throw money at every fucking problem. You are such a selfish jerk.
LANDON: And you are a mindless little idiot. Are you done now?
CHLOE: (feeling rather defeated and sighs) Will you at least come with me to reason with him. He won’t listen to me but at least he will listen to you, his favorite child.
LANDON: Sure. I need to see when I’m free. Maybe next week, I could pencil something—
CHLOE: God damnit! Don’t you understand that the situation is urgent? He could be out on the street by the end of the week.
LANDON: Must you always be such a drama queen?
CHLOE: Ugh..there no use talking to you (Chloe mutters under breath, you just don’t fucking care)
LANDON: What did you say?
CHLOE: Nothing.
LANDON: Fine, I’ll go with you this Wednesday afternoon.
CHLOE: Okay.
CHLOE slams the door and sighs deeply.
Characters: RON- age 67
CHLOE-age 24
LANDON-age 36
Scene 1
Setting
Ron’s Apartment, there are piles of stuff everywhere, picture frames hanging on the wall. Ron is sitting on the couch chewing beef jerky watching the TV. There is a knock on the door. It is his daughter Chloe . It’s about 3 PM and Ron is still in his pajamas. Ron, disgruntled, gets up to answer the door. Chloe is carrying a bunch of groceries in her hand.
RON:( opens door) Whadda ya want?
CHLOE: Oh geesh! Is that any way to greet your loving daughter ?
RON: Eh, you were interrupting me doing something important.
CHLOE: Sure, sure… now could you help me out wit one of of these bags before one of my arms falls off.
RON: (he takes one of the bags) Eh-I don’t know why you need to buy all of this stuff.
CHLOE: You mean your medicines, food, basic necessities for you to survive on. A basic ( CHLOE almost trips on a miscellaneous food wrapping) thank you would suffice. I told you to clean up some yesterday-you know the landlord—
RON: Landlord, shmanlord, She always threatens the same crap. “I will throw you out if you don’t clean. All bark, no bite. The old biddy shouldn’t care about what I do in the comfort of my own home as long as I pay her rent.
CHLOE: (starts to sit down-removing several car magazines) I wouldn’t be so sure of this. You know she has handed management over to her son. Do you really need all of these issues of Car and Ride magazines?
RON: Bug off! Will you? Nobody asks you to come over!
CHLOE: Dad (CHLOE goes to RON to put her hand on RON’s shoulder) It’s been over six months since mom died, perhaps-
RON shoos CHLOE’s hand away
RON: I don’t want to talk about it. It’s none of your damn business!
CHLOE: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…it’s just—
RON: Nothing. You are worrying about nothing.
There is an awkward moment of silence as RON has his back to CHLOE. CHLOE is trying to come up with something to say.
CHLOE: I guess I should go (CHLOE starts to get up tentatively) I have another errand to run.
RON: Good. I wouldn’t want your old man getting in the way of you doing anything important.
CHLOE: God! I just wish you wouldn’t be so…
RON: So what?
CHLOE: Nothing. I’ll leave you to your “important” tv watching.
CHLOE skips swiftly to the door
CHLOE: Bye dad.
RON goes back to sitting on the couch with a blank look on his face and stares at the TV.
I wrote this in January of 2022 when I was depressed.
I welcome death to take me away tonight-
death must be better than the anger
that has made an eternal home in me
death must feel better than this emptiness
that lies in my heart
death has to be better than this sorrow
that floods my pillow with tears continuously
death would be better than my emotions
that threaten to consume me
This was my response to prompt #23: What’s you’d really like to do tomorrow
Tomorrow I’d like to swim for the first time in my former paradise
and after lay out in the sun in my bikini
I’ve loved feel the sand everywhere instead of tolerating
another dreary and rainy day in Georgia
My mood would improve and I would write more happy poems
Instead of writing about how I hate my existence
and everyone and everything in it
This was my response to prompt #3: Three good things
Coffee, music, and books are what I need
to get through the dreariest of days
Coffee to wake me up from my somber mood
Music to feel every single feeling in my body
and maybe try to dance them all out
Books to calm down my most intrusive of thoughts
Coffee,music, and books are what I need
to make myself shiny again
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.
The sun is shining
Everything is green and bright
And yet winter feels eternal
In my heart
The blackness that is my sadness
Seems to seep and ooze everywhere
Inside of me
Is this what true loneliness feels like?
Will I ever get rid of what feels like
my forever depression?
Or do I just learn to live
with the elephant that
lives on my chest?
That I try desperate not to awake
Writing, exercise, friends, tv-
Everything to keep it calm
But no matter what
The elephant always seems
To wake up
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.
I want to write about love
But instead find myself
Writing about depression and loss
Everything feels so vague and fake
I don’t know what or who’s
Real anymore
Is it existential dread
Or a midlife crises
Or a mixture of both?
Living in a world rampant
With comparisons
With the click of a button
Tears at my soul
Thanks to the ridiculous
And never ending standards
Modern society thrusts upon us.
It’s all a constant competition
About who has the best life
Have we all become society’s
Attention whores?
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression. I guess I was just annoyed and angry by society.
Simple decency is becoming extinct
Manners and politeness is rare
rudeness and sarcasm is the norm
Being kind feels outdated
in this narcissistic society
filled with superfluous and superficial people
Who bring their harsh and shallow attitudes
everywhere
There is no escape from this epidemic
of the nothingness
that tries to appear profound
It is a society that blames the victim
“ but what was she wearing?”
or
“He was hanging out with the wrong kids”
It is a society that’s prejudiced against
anyone different
“Go back to where you came from”
“You’ll never belong here”
“People will always remember
how you made them feel”,
Maya Angelou said
Unnecessary, weak, aloof, isolated alone
Is how this world makes me feel
I’m a FAILURE trying to accommodate myself
to this world full of shallow feelings
I miss the kind and real people
in this world
It’s rare to find them now
They are almost extinct
I wrote in December of 2012 when I was amidst a great depression.
Recognizing the triggers of
My depression is one of
The hardest things I have to do
It’s when I’m silent
Wishing all the bad things
Would go away
It’s when I stop listening
To music
It’s when I struggle
To open my eyes
And face another dreadful day
I wrote this in 2009 when I was feeling contemplative about life.
Horizon
The horizon stretches out before me
In a limitless manner
I see a future but am unsure
Of which path to walk towards
Everything is a blank slate to me
Undefined by my indecision
The moment I choose
Is the moment I’ll become
Something, anything
Than the nothingness
That I am
The horizon stretches out before me
Offering everything and nothing
Offering this or that
Offering a wasted life
Or a meaningful one
The horizon stretches out before me
And I need to stop
My hesitation
And become a person of actions
And do something, anything
So the horizon is not wasted
I wrote this poem in late 2007 when I was depressed about my life. Again, instead of going to therapy, I just wrote a poem about it. Lol.
Tainted dreams
of life is what
I have left.
A career of abstract
nothingness lies
before me.
Chaotic and sensitive off springs
I must put before me.
Frigidity and
senility in my
marital bed lie
next to me.
Is this it? Is this
what is left
of my
foolish childhood dreams.
Scattered dreams
in my past
become failures
of my present.
Will my soul
ever recuperate
from the cost?
Will I ever be that
hopeful again?
Life on the BPD 