the shelf of my bookcase breaks, and my poetry notebooks fall every single one of my love stories scattered on the floor Failure after failure Were any of them worth the effort? Was the experience worth the suffering? Maybe it was for the inspiration behind my prose and poetry and the growth Iβve had Still, that doesnβt seem like an adequate answer
I’d love to have dinner with Isabel Allende. I’m absolutely fascinated with her and love all of her books I’ve read so far. I’d like to pick her brain about her creative process and get writing advice from her. I have watched many of her interviews and a couple of Ted talks from her but I think being to talk to her in person would be so much better. Then again, I might fangirl too hard and go mute. π³πͺ
My bra is the milkshake that brings men to my playground It gives me the cleavage that makes them feel like theyβre in love Theyβll claim it’s my words or my eyes they’re in love with , but letβs not kid ourselves Itβs really my majestic breasts that pop out with their own personalities they fuel their many exotic and erotic fantasies
Eventually I had to come up for air from my bubble and live in the real world where bills are piling up, people continue to crash out on my social media feed, and I face a constant existential dread constantly wondering if I am doing enough
womenβs empowerment is sold and neatly packaged with sabrina carpenterβs new album always the heroine for this consumerist society even if the intentions feel a bit icky, feel a bit 1950s, with a man pulling her hair like a bitch giving off sub energy that feeds into the handmaiden narrative of America is trying to write for women and with the shitstorm of the past 2 weeks, I donβt feel sane enough to form an opinion yet, except that this feels like a weirdly perverse distraction from the rise of fascism taking place in our country
Iβve walked through the warzone of my love life long enough to know when a bomb is about to explode (when I fall of some guyβs dream girl altar) It’s a minefield full of suppressed feelings consequences of accommodating to a manβs ego And Iβll tread ever so carefully I donβt want to be alone, I just want to be loved, Iβll bend and bend until you call me Gumby Except Iβm not and then Iβll snap and another bomb will go off βYouβre crazy,β youβre dangerousβ β I donβt recognize youβ all for expressing my feelings and wanting respect and dignity
some storms are worth the rainbows that come after them like the first steps taken after an invasive and life changing surgery like the victory dinner after the termination of a marriage that never should have happened like the first drive alone after beating a 15 year driving phobia like the child graduating at the top 10 percent of his class even though the odds were stacked against him like the rainbow child born after enduring the nightmare of losing one like still being here and writing a poem about storms and rainbows even though many times youβve been tempted by thanatos whispers to end it some storms are worth the rainbows that come after them because rainbows are hope, magic, and joy that make a life worth living
the nuns and mami started into obedience and I reverted into a world of silence And everyone praised mami about what a good little girl I was and no one thought much about this until my parents demanded answers for the rebellious streak in my teens couldnβt understand the numerous absences, the subpar performance in school, why I sulked in my bedroom for hours on ended, the disrespect from my mouth as I stood up for myself, they wondered where their sweet and quiet princess went all the while they should have looked back 6 or 7 years ago when they indoctrinated me to hold it all in or else they wouldnβt love me should have known one day Iβd rebel and explode as I was finding my spirit, my voice once again after it had been buried under layers of good behavior
I manifest a new boyfriend he’s a poem in the making heβs someone Iβll meet unexpectedly Heβll come when the marigolds sprout and spring is here Heβll be brave enough to try me on after I trauma dump heβll be my new spring waiting to bloom with me
Listening to my writing playlist while high a lot of songs about men begging the women to come back Interesting It is a hidden fetish, fantasy I had a man continuously
suffering for me regretting the day they fumbled me
what if the colonizer in me took over and I declared manifest destiny on every man I fancied, even if he was taken what if I didnβt care about the other woman and was a completely selfish bitch and become an expert homewrecker
Check your privilege at the door every single white person who comes asking for my opinion I canβt be your agreeable POC anymore
Check your privilege at the door Iβm not the voice for my community with you, certain topics I canβt explore donβt use me as another learning opportunity
longing to escape responsibility of my suburban life I became 21 again and did drugs and fucked stranger men I never meant any harm, I just wanted to know what it was like to not be looked at as someoneβs mother, someoneβs wife
not much of choice, get married or become a whore at 19, she was trapped between a sword and another sword either way sheβs trapped and kept away from the life she really wanted to live either way, her fate would be sealed with her ink of shame