I wrote this poem in 2019 when I got into a fight with a friend because he was cruel to one of my friends. After this fight, we didn’t talk for 2 years but we ended up reconnecting in the summer of this year.
random pic of me pissed in 2019
“Control myself”, he said as I called out his misogyny his fragile ego couldn’t handle hard truths thrown at him he thinks that he has a license to offend because of the organ between his legs and the pale color of his skin- He thinks that I’m wrong for not sitting still and silent He thinks that I have no right to stand up for myself “Control myself”, he said to and “fuck off” I replied to him you won’t ever be able to control a woman like me
the sun sets and the sky turns pink and you take my hand and tell me I’m all you’ve ever wanted And I’m overwhelmed by your grand gesture of love and have the urge to walk away but instead I stay thinking maybe this time it will different
once again the united states of white supremacy throws another wrench at my community making it more of a crime to exist as we are trying to erase our culture, trying to shame us for our heritage trying to force us into assimilation by any means possible trying to target us for simply not fitting into their idea of what America should look and sound like and I stand up in defiance and say, a mi me vale madre pendejos estoy que desde 1986, sembrando raíces en California, Hawaii y Georgia y me quedaré aquí como su peor pesadilla una mujer latina, criada y educada en este país que no se dejara llevar por la marginación y racismo constante de esta administración y que luchará hasta el último respiro por quedarse aquí
look at that Goddess, very awkward, very full of herself
gratitude taste like mami’s sopa de pollo gratitude smells like my lover’s cologne gratitude feels like a warm hug from my son gratitude sounds like my sister’s car in my driveway gratitude looks like me looking at the Goddess in the mirror
I longed and longed and longed to feel whole until I planted my feet on the soil I was born on until I breathed the air my parents and ancestors inhaled until I tasted flavors from almost a lifetime ago I longed and longed and longed to feel whole until I returned to my homeland and it was the piece of the puzzle found I needed to finally complete me
Lukewarm response as I suggest coming to see you and my gut tells me something is amiss telling me you miss me but dodge an opportunity to see me Can’t say why or make plans to see me and I change my relationship status to single confused, frustrated not understanding how I got here almost begging another man for crumbs of affection for the bare minimum
the gaslighting, the love bombing, the disappearing weren’t the worst of your crimes but together they added up to a mountain of trauma It was the mt.everest of traumatic experiences constantly making me wonder about the karmic debt I was paying making me wonder why I kept you in my life allowed you to take up space in my mind and poems sometimes I think I kept you solely for the fountain of inspiration you drew out of me
I’m an expert at navigating the gray and vague trying to romanticize and make fires out of the smallest of sparks deluding myself into thinking if I stick around long enough He’ll realize I’m the one
karma bit me and now I’m paying for all of my emotional crimes now I’m met with silence and indifference and I go and examine what was the final straw which post led you over the ledge from friendship to being acquaintances once again
I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way thatthey almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow. **This poem went through heavy edits in June of 2026.
Often men want this girl…the ones that’s always down for a “good” timeBUT run away from this one….the other girl …the vulnerable one that has a realness hard to accept
Tell me I’m beautiful, tell me I’m sexy Objectify me, sleep with me breadcrumb me, ghost me, then try to come back to me And when I deny you insult me, threaten me,try your best to hurt me- Your words mean nothing to me You’re not the first but will be the last who tries to destroy me You’re not the first but will be the last who treats me like your on call whore You’re not the first but will be the last who tells me I’m not good enough and after all that, try to come back again and Tell me you miss, tell me you want me Tell me you’re sorry, tell me you LOVE ME Be persistent in your quest in trying to bed me with empty promises about how this time it will be different and how we have history so I can laugh and laugh and turn you down and watch you sulk honey, I know you watch me on social media so you should know better than to ever come back to me
I wrote this in September of 2019 after I read somewhere about some politician making fun of AOC for doing the “Latina Thing”. It annoyed the fuck out of me.
Edit: I revised this poem heavily in 2025 when I performed it in open mic. Here’s a link to that performance
what I think of the haters
make fun of our accents,make fun of our names- call us feisty, caliente, spicy. too loud, too sexy try to bully us into silence try to put us down with racist and ignorant insults try to stereotype us- try to make us feel less than try to kill us- but understand that we’re here to stay, and we’re not letting anyone get in our way don’t you know that we’re descendents of Mayan, Aztec, and Incan Kings and Queens and survival and resilience is embedded in our DNA y estamos aquí para quedarnos para siempre
My jealousy is green and monstrous- Its big and dramatic It’s almost epic and i’m like dammit I wish I wasn’t like this but maybe it’s time to accept it it’s not that I’m toxic Or that something is wrong with me I just need a lover who only has eyes for me, who doesn’t think about other options when he’s with me who’s so obsessed with me, I’m like the air he needs to breathe in order to live
I made promises to myself after your departure- I promise to be completely myself for next love candidate- No matter how crazy that may look like- I promise to show him my prose and poetry- even if it opens a door to hurtful truths he deserves to know my past if he wants to be part of my present and form a part of my future- I promise to not place him on a pedestal I’ll look for his humanity, truth, and accept him for who he is and no matter how much I love him- I won’t accommodate to him or compromise my integrity He’ll have to learn to live with and love the strong woman I am today
the shelf of my bookcase breaks, and my poetry notebooks fall every single one of my love stories scattered on the floor Failure after failure Were any of them worth the effort? Was the experience worth the suffering? Maybe it was for the inspiration behind my prose and poetry and the growth I’ve had Still, that doesn’t seem like an adequate answer
Back to black blast from my car radio as I drive aimlessly in the rain I have a boyfriend but I still feel alone It turns out that being in a relationship isn’t the cure for my loneliness after all Some people will say it’s the long distance, others will say it’s how I still keep my guard up I think it’s a mixture of both and how I have a tendency to fuck up in love
