Poem: The Objectification of Eliza

I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way that they almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow.

Often men want this girl…the ones that’s always down for a “good” time
BUT run away from this one….the other girl …the vulnerable one that has a realness hard to accept

Tell me I’m pretty, tell me I’m sexy

Tell me I’m beautiful

Objectify me, fuck me, 

Forget about me

And then

Try to come back to me

And when I deny

your lust filled request,

Put me down, threaten me

Try to hurt me-

Your words mean nothing to me

You’re not the first 

But will be the last

Who tries to destroy me

You’re not the first 

But will be the last 

Who treats me like a doll

to fuck at your convenience

You’re not the first

But will be the last

That tells me I’m not good enough

Tell me you miss, tell me you want me

Tell me you’re sorry

Be persistent in your quest

In trying to get me in your bed

with empty promises

about how this time it will be different

Sorry to my past, my present, and

future lovers-

I am pass being the girl

that’s just used for fun-

I am pass being the lover

you never introduce to your mother

I’d rather live in a world 

of solitude and calm

than to once again fall

into the objectification trap 

Poetry: Pride

I wrote this about the great breakup of 2001. I guess part of the reason why I reacted the way I did was because my ego took a big hit. I mean, I’m already a person that has identity and self esteem issues and each breakup triggers a feeling of worthlessness inside that’s hard to get rid of.

So true

You’ll never know
How much you’ve hurt me so
You’ll never see
The mess you’ve made of me
You’ll never hear
The words “ I love you dear”
You’ll never ever find out
That loving you was what I was about

For I am too damn proud
To admit I was a fool out loud
For I have too much pride
To ever let you see me cry
For I have too much dignity
To ever let you return to me
For I have too much respect
To ever let you turn me into a wreck

Poetry: Mr. Temporary

Me on a hot summer night
June of 2018, the night I met Mr. Toxic

Whether it’s on tinder

Or at a bar

He shows up 

Eager to do

All the things

Your last man wouldn’t do

Eager to please you

In unimaginable ways

He makes you believe

That this time it feels “different”

That this feels almost

Normal

But then…

Without fail

Once he gets what he wants

He races out of your life

Leaving you in a 

Chaos of feelings

So I wrote this poem in July of 2018 right after meeting someone that I would have an on and off toxic affair with. He came after a string of my wild phase of hookups and I guess that the chemistry I had with him made me think that maybe it would be “different” and I was quickly infatuated.