I wrote this in 2019 when I was reflecting about the way men have often objectified in a way thatthey almost always seem to just want the fun and sexy part of me but seem to often have problems seeing the rest of me. I’ve almost always felt like I’ve been good enough to be their lover but never good enough to be introduced to their mother. Do I still feel this way? I honestly don’t know. I like the attention and validation I get from men because of my looks but sometimes it feels so hollow.
I wrote this about the great breakup of 2001. I guess part of the reason why I reacted the way I did was because my ego took a big hit. I mean, I’m already a person that has identity and self esteem issues and each breakup triggers a feeling of worthlessness inside that’s hard to get rid of.
You’ll never know How much you’ve hurt me so You’ll never see The mess you’ve made of me You’ll never hear The words “ I love you dear” You’ll never ever find out That loving you was what I was about
For I am too damn proud To admit I was a fool out loud For I have too much pride To ever let you see me cry For I have too much dignity To ever let you return to me For I have too much respect To ever let you turn me into a wreck
So I wrote this poem in July of 2018 right after meeting someone that I would have an on and off toxic affair with. He came after a string of my wild phase of hookups and I guess that the chemistry I had with him made me think that maybe it would be “different” and I was quickly infatuated.