I wrote this poem in November of 2019.
Loving you is like being in a fog
of continued self destruction
It destroys my inner being
It destroys my soul
And yet I continually do this
to myself
Love someone
that continues to discard me
Over and over and over and over
again
Love someone
who doesn’t even love himself
Waiting for the fog
to clear is the worst part
Because my heart doesn’t know
how to listen to my head
my heart continually refuses
to let go of my self destruction
that is being devoted to you
But I must, I have to, I need to
allow the fog to clear
To make room in my heart and mind
for someone that truly wants to love me
Life on the BPD 
Seems like it takes a lot of mishaps – love that doesn’t work out to know what we deserve and if we get really lucky and a lifelong partner happens, or better yet partners, well, everything becomes much more tolerable and there’s a chance to be happy.
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That’s true. Except in my case, it will have to be A partner who’s as crazy and as obsessive as I am. I don’t have the temperament to deal with more than one and I hate to share.
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You’re going for the most in love. I admire and respect that and sometimes wish I had that kind of courage. In the few relationships I’ve been in, I’m crazy and obsessive in the beginning, but then slip into a predictable, but pleasant monogamy. As far as more than one lover, not for me either, but I do enjoy one lover with platonic connections on the side.
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