I wonder who you are- Will you magically appear one day? Or are you already in my atmosphere? somewhere hidden, someone I hadn’t thought of someone I never would have looked at- do you stalk me on social media? do I blow you away or scare you with my poetry? do you think twice about sliding into my DMs? do you fantasize about me before you go to sleep? or maybe you don’t exist and this is one of my fantasies I just want a hint whether or not you’ll be part my near future
tucked behind twinkling lights is the magic of a child’s eyes so full of joy and excitement for the holiday season at 4, nothing bad has happened to taint his view of life at 4, he dreams of Santa Claus, hot chocolate, and polar express at 4, he still holds a heart full of wonder and awe of the world at 4, he’s still innocent
when no one is watching I manifest a new lover- I’m tired of solitude, I’m tired of crying from loneliness so I dream about him, I write about him and I pray that he appears and while I tell myself it’s ok if he doesn’t exist and it’s just one of my many silly dreams secretly I want him to become a reality I just want to know what it’s like for once to be loved and accepted for the complicated Woman that I am
until we meet again, Peru i’ll hold you in my heart and dream about the warmth of my tia and remember the taste of ceviche and carapulcra and the smell of the busy city streets with too much traffic America can never compare to your rich history or the warmth of your people
my roots are locked in a this land that calls me an other, a forever foreigner a land where I’ve never felt welcomed and yet this is what I call home this is where I went to school this is where my children were born and raised this is the only other place I’ve called home
I wrote this poem in October of 2022 with the help of Quora.
honestly though…
what do most people not understand about borderline personality disorder? what are borderline psychopaths? can you trust someone with borderline personality disorder? can someone who has bpd have empathy and feel bad for what they have done? does a borderline individual ever had a hard time getting over someone or can they easily forget? what is borderline personality rage? what hurts a person with BPD? why is borderline personality so contradictory? do people with BPD act normal to everyone except the person they’re splitting on? are people with BPD childlike ? can unconditional love treat borderline disorder? does a person with bpd make their partners go crazy? how do borderlines show they love you? do borderlines ever find happiness, hope or a genuine connection? what does a bpd episode look like? should someone with BPD ever disclose that to a potential mate? when do relationships with PwBpd start to fall apart? are borderline psychotic? can borderline disorder be cured?
cautiously I try to paint you into my future and see how you fit into my vision of forever hoping you’ll be the one who’ll prove me wrong and I’ll stop standing on the hill named “I’m too fucked up to be loved”
the breeze kissed my face in Lima as we drove past the ocean and I was enchanted I was in love with the place I was born in with the place of my ancestors my Peru is beautiful and magnificent with a rich history of a people who have been conquered, of a people who have endured – of a proud people who carry their patriotism in their hearts and bones and the best part-I get to call this place home
All of the ingredients for a long term love and I fawn I don’t think I’ve ever here before you you shower me with consistency, desire, attention and respect you actually care about how I’ve slept you know how to reassure me repeatedly I’m worthy enough to be loved and all of my past romantic tragic comedies were a all practice and experience for you a real sanctuary to lay me love in
in the dark shadows of the earth lies the outliers and outcasts the ones we many times ignore or only talk about in quiet whispers we pity them, we’re afraid of them, we avoid them we don’t want to catch their disease of poverty or insanity we don’t know how to see their humanity and honestly it makes us, and not them, the real monsters
for a brief moment, everything felt perfect your hand on the steering wheel another hand on my thigh, a taylor swift song blasting from the radio it felt like anything was possible and this was my moment of ultimate redemption
in Lima, I never had to tone down my theatrics everyone was just like me not filtering what was on their mind they left no thoughts behind loud and emotional is seen as normal passionate is the standard i never had to reign myself in I could just be without thinking without doing any explaining
