I wrote this about Matt in 2002. He stopped contacting me after his visit in November and I was beyond pissed. So I did what I normally did after feeling rejected and abandoned, I devalued him to the point that he became dead to me.

it does

You’ve become dead to me
That day, you decided to leave
And again decided to forget
Everything you had said
That you’d try your hardest
To give us your best
That you’d love to
Be there for us on cue
That we really are special
And pain on us wouldn’t befall
But once again, I was wrong
You sing the same deadbeat song
But thankfully, this time, I was prepared
For you to once again fail
So don’t ever come back
And pretend to be sad
Because you’ve become nothing to us
When once again, you left us in the dust

2 thoughts on “Poetry: Dead to ME”

  1. There’s so many thoughts here but this is a deep poem! Let me tell you how it resonates and what I admire about it: it’s the way that you handled feeling rejection and abandonment. You made it work for you in a way that had him hold less power over your emotions. Those of us with BPD have tremendous internal conflicts with these types of scenarios and as we are so empathetic I feel that finding ways to help us cope is so important. I think that I have also subconsciously found ways to help me in this area, too but mostly in the area of building my confidence. I also enjoy the ending of his poem. It’s almost like acceptance for what things are rather than those steep spirals that tend to occur. This is just my take on it as it resonates so deeply with me in that love/relationship area of life!

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    1. Thank you so much. This situation brought out such an inner conflict for me because I wanted what was best for my son, and for a long time, I thought it was his dad being involved. Of course, I gave him many chances and he never showed so I had to accept it. It was hard, but I’m glad I used my poetry to process it. I never begged him to be involved after that. It turned out better that way for me and my son. I’m glad this poem resonated with you. ❤️❤️❤️

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