storytelling – Page 112 – Life on the BPD

Posted on November 21, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

Poetry: Love and Hate

So I had forgotten to post this poem from the great breakup of 2001.

I guess it was fate
For you to cross that thin line
Between love and hate
You were really a waste of time
Now you’ll never know
How good you and me could’ve been
Or how much I really loved you so
But your love was only a smoke screen
I even thought we had forever
because I wanted to believe you were true
but I guess you were another whatever
and I was another one you’d screw
Now there’s nothing left to say
and it’s time to forget everything

Posted on November 20, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Extinction

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression. I guess I was just annoyed and angry by society.

me in 2017 around the time I wrote this poem

Simple decency is becoming extinct
Manners and politeness is rare
rudeness and sarcasm is the norm
Being kind feels outdated
in this narcissistic society
filled with superfluous and superficial people
Who bring their harsh and shallow attitudes
everywhere
There is no escape from this epidemic
of the nothingness
that tries to appear profound
It is a society that blames the victim
“ but what was she wearing?”
or
“He was hanging out with the wrong kids”
It is a society that’s prejudiced against
anyone different
“Go back to where you came from”
“You’ll never belong here”
“People will always remember
how you made them feel”,
Maya Angelou said
Unnecessary, weak, aloof, isolated alone
Is how this world makes me feel
I’m a FAILURE trying to accommodate myself
to this world full of shallow feelings
I miss the kind and real people
in this world
It’s rare to find them now
They are almost extinct

Posted on November 19, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Gracias

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/28/poetry-thank-you/

Gracias por hacerme saber
que estaba con una desgraciado infeliz
Gracias por quitar la venda de mis ojos que yo tenía
pensando que él era solo mio
Gracias por decirme que mi amorcito
me llenaba de mentiras
Y por ultimo gracias por quitarmelo de encima
el nunca mereció alguien tan buena como yo

Posted on November 18, 2022November 18, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: The Modern Southern Woman

I wrote this in 2016.

Faulkner wrote about her ancestors
She stood like a pillar of strength between her mother and daughter
She stood strong as both of them held her arms that were their life jackets
as they drowned in endless sorrows
Tears silently fell from her face as her father laid in his closed home
And the reverend went on about him being in a better place
And her strength did not falter,
She let her loved ones hold on tight while she tried to blink away tears ,
She swallowed her pain and absorbed the pain from those around her
She wasn’t just strong for her mother and daughter,
but she was a goddess of strength among the mere mortals
around her that wept

Posted on November 16, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poem: They Said

I wrote this about my oldest son after a very proud mom moment. I thought about everything he went through and processed it through this poem.

me and my oldest son around the time I wrote this poem

I didn’t think this day

Would come so soon

I wasn’t prepared for the

Emotions I would feel

“You were doomed to

Be another “statistic”

They said

And autism on top of that!

Good luck

Becoming a productive

Member of society

They said

“No way, will you succeed

brown autistic boy,

Son of a teenage mom”

They said

Yet here you are –

Proving the naysayers wrong

Here is where you belong

Not yet graduated from

High school but starting

Your first college classes

Tonight

Here is where you belong

Despite the obstacles,

The haters, society

Trying to fuck you over

Here is where you belong

-on the start of a journey to success

And here I am

Beaming with pride

And love for you

My beautiful brown boy

Defying everything and

Everyone that ever

Stood in your way.

Posted on November 11, 2022November 11, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Mi Deseo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/

Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa

Posted on November 9, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: A Lo Mejor

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/08/poetry-maybe/

he caído en un abismo de tristeza
descubriendo que tu eras otro infeliz
que me usastes para tu placer carnal
fui ciega al pensar que me querías de verdad
fui una inútil enamorandome de ti
es mejor que ya pare
jugando este juego de amor

Posted on November 7, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Porque?

For the English version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/15/poetry-why-did-you/

Porque me demore tanto tiempo
en descubrir que tu eras
otra cancion estupida
Porque tuvistes que ser una basura
y dejarme con un sabor amargo en mi boca
Porque me creí en tu actuación de hombre bueno
Porque causastes una herida tan severa en mi corazón
Estoy harta de este infierno de tristeza
Porque te apareciste en mi vida
solo para arruinarmela

Posted on November 6, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Shadows

I wrote this poem sometime around 2014 or 2015. I was feeling nostalgic about a former flame I had been obsessed with. This tends to happen a lot with me. Letting go of my past is hard at times.

me in 2015 around the time I wrote this poem

Shadows of my past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go

Time has passed

I am older

Harsh experiences

Have made my cynical

And embrace

My mediocrity

But still

Shadows of the past

Envelop my future

Everywhere i go

I’m happy that you found

Your idyllic happiness

With someone else

And living the life

You always wanted

But shadows of our past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go

I love my children

I love my spouse

But for one more moment

Of us

I would leave them

And everything else behind

Shadows of our past

Envelops my future

Everywhere I go

Posted on November 5, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Mandado del Infierno

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/09/poetry-hell-sent/

Debi seguido mi intuición
cuando sentí que me mentías
Cuando me decías que estabas trabajando
En realidad, estabas follando
Debí irme de tu vida
la primera vez que me mentiste
pero quería creer en tu cuento de hadas
ahora siento un alivio profundo desde que terminamos
porque tu fuistes mandado del infierno

Posted on November 4, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Silence

I wrote this 2013 about my husband.

Silence, awkward silence is what was left after everything they needed to say was said

It was the same fight over and over again.

Old wounds were brought to the surface and reopened.

She blamed him for derailing her ambitions

and he blamed her for derailing the productive and selfish life he once led.

They both couldn’t see that they were both at fault

for not continuing to push each other to flourish

but instead they fell into a complacent spell

And a pattern of a comfortable

and the fruitless routine of suburban life.

And the years went on and they had nothing to show for it

except debt and wrinkles they both inflicted upon themselves.

And the years went on and all that was left

was regret for her for the things that she didn’t get to experien

Posted on November 3, 2022November 3, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Otro Mas

For the English Version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/19/poetry-i-thought/

Fuistes otro amor falso
otro lleno de perfidio
pretendiendo tener buenas intenciones
me causaste una desconfianza profunda

Espinas de odio crecieron en mi
aprendiendo que era otra falda más
fue una verdad difícil de tragar
Ahora gritaré todo mi miseria y rencor

Posted on November 2, 2022October 26, 2022 by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Her Last, His First

I wrote this poem in 2006 about my Mother In Law and my second son. We lived with her for a year and she was enamored by him.

Almost frozen in her familiarity
Trapped by her body’s slow betrayal
Boredom and solitude embrace her tightly
Her unheard cries drown her
Forgotten, forgotten she was
Her world had come to an almost silent
Pause
Until
She saw him
With beady eyes as blue as hers
And skin rumpled as lover’s sheets
He was a heinous sight
But to her
He was splendid to her dying eyes
He became her last burst of joy,
Her last adoration
And her last breath of life
She was ending with his fresh scent of purity
And he was starting with her aged scent of experience