I wrote this in early June of 2002 about my ex Ron. If you’ve been following the whole Lucas and Me storyline, Ron was the boyfriend I was cheating on with Lucas. The right thing would have been to break up with him since I was in love with someone else and knew that me and Ron were in no way compatible. Instead, I allowed the relationship to drag on and avoided Ron for a bit. Eventually I reached out to Ron to break up with him -via email. Looking back now that was really shitty of me to do. I mean we had only be dating 4 months but I still should have called him to break up. I guess at the time I was trying to do the best I could and was scared of his reaction because he had a horrible temper. What followed where super angry emails from him about how I was this awful person. Since he responded in an angry way to my email, I replied in a defensive way. I don’t remember what I said but it must have been bad. Also, looking at other emails, apparently we went back and forth for a bit fighting. I guess I must have also been asking for an engagement ring and I’m like WTF. This is how I look like at my worst: needy, angry, cruel and impulsive. And many years later, karma would come back to bite me and I understood why Ron was so angry.

this was me at the time

You ask me why
I had to say goodbye
And walk away from your life
In such a nonchalant way
All I can say
is I could no longer stay
In something so fake
Everything was fine
As long as I never spoke my mind
I had to hold back everything
that was important to me
Damn you for thinking the world of me
For that was never the real me
The woman was you fell in love with
was a fake and submissive miss

6 thoughts on “Poetry: Something So Fake

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