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Poetry: Overturning Roe vs Wade

I wrote this in May of 2022.

facts

Overturning my right to choose feels like a slap to my face
it is my american dream of liberty turned into a nightmare
of reproductive imprisonment
because of my 3 unplanned pregnancies, because of my 4 IUDs
birth control pills and a patch
because I am a woman scared for my niece, for my future granddaughters
scared for the generations of women who come after me
and I sit here at a complete loss for words and understanding
at a loss for how this could happen
a fundamental right ripped from right before our eyes
while we were distracted with the modernity of society
a fundamental right ripped from us that will take us back to the 1950’s

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Poetry: My Bad Luck

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

People say I shouldn’t give up on love
and it’s really just my bad luck
But how do I explain
How love makes me insane
It’s not the men I pick
It’s really me, me, me
I’ll become the version they want me to be
thinking they’ll stay with me-
behave, swallow my words, hide my anger,
implode on myself in the privacy of my journal
but keep my mask of sweet princess on-
but this never last for long
something always happens
it’s just a matter of when
when will I get tired of hiding who I am
and start being erratic and crazy
When will they get tired of my bullshit
and decided to leave
and almost always, this ends up
as an emotional catastrophe for me
so I’ve come up with a solution
I’m going to make my newfound solitude
a haven, a sanctuary to fall into
give myself as much time as I need
to enjoy the gift on my own company
understanding that this isn’t an ending
but rather a brand new beginning for me
to write and edit my own unconventional love story

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Poetry: Earth to Eliza

I wrote this poem in May 2022.

I’d rather live in music, daydreams, and fantasies
than face the monotony and routine of real life
who wants to deal with spreadsheets
when I can get lost in dreams about finding the one
who wants to answer to karen’s idiotic questions
when I got taylor swift on repeat
who wants to open and read another email
about another stupid workplace policy
when I can fantasize about the best sex
I had the a few nights ago
real life is too boring for me
when I have music, daydreams, and fantasies
waiting to inspire the writer in me

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Poesia: Adrenalina

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/31/poetry-newfound-emptiness/

busco la adrenalina de amor en los brazos de otro
pero no siento nada cuando el me toca, cuando el me hace el amor
y finjo sentir algo para que el acabe
y me pueda levantar y irme a mi casa
donde lloro y lloro lágrimas inútiles
mientras escucho a Alejandro Sanz
y escribo poemas acerca de la soledad infernal
que vivo cada día que trato de superar

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Poetry: Golden Light

Happy Asian American and Pacific Islander Month! I wrote this poem inspired by my favorite Asian American, my oldest son.

me and my oldest in 1999

I was young and so stupid
a kid having another kid
but with you I grew up
and learned the meaning of love
you’re everything a mother could want
a wonderful and amazing son
and while I’ll feel some grief
the day you’ll your spread wings
I’ll feel a special kind of pride
as I watch you shine your golden light

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Poetry: Where is my Dinero?

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

for real

I wonder where all of my money goes
but then I go home to the bottomless pits
that are my kids
and then I go upstairs to my bedroom
where my closet is exploding with clothes
and then I look under bed full of shoes
and then I go downstairs to my record player
and looks at my various vinyls
and we won’t even talk about my newly
acquired furniture from Amazon
now I understand
my money goes to my busy life
and my BPD spending impulsivity

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Poetry: Left Behind

Aqui esta la version en Espanol de este poema:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/02/02/poesia-la-mujer-de-hoy/

your wretched goodbye brought a radical change within me
left behind was the naive girl who fell in love with you
left behind was the stupid bitch who made a home in you
left behind was the insecure woman who made you her world
the woman who stands before you made a 360 turn
the woman who stands before lives life according to her own terms
without apologizing, without accommodation, without toning herself down
the woman you left behind no longer exists
she turned into ashes and out of the ashes turned into a brave and powerful queen
who learned that her love is the rarest type of jewel that she reserves
only for those who love her and accept her exactly as she is

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Poesia: Incapacidad

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/02/15/poetry-your-little-game/

el resentimiento que siento por ti no me deja dormir
tus acciones me hicieron un mundo de daño y me trastornaron
y siempre me preguntare,
¿Por qué fuiste un cobarde y no pudiste dar la cara al desmadre que tu creaste ?
¿Por que somos nosotros que tuvimos que sufrir por tu incapacidad
de ser un hombre de verdad y asumir tu responsabilidad?

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 Poesia: La chica de tus sueños

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/22/so-much/

el miedo de compartir todo demasiado pronto corre por mi
entonces me hago la chica de tus sueños
la que se viste sexy y se ríe de todas tus bromas
la que da su cuerpo fácilmente sin preguntas o demandas
la que no exige respeto por miedo
de vivir el cuento de mujer dejada de nuevo

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Poesia: El Disco

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/28/poetry-my-past/

el disco de mi trauma toca en el tocadisco de mi vida
en un ciclo infinito de los errores cometidos
en un ciclo infinito de lo que pudo ser
y trato y trato de escaparme
hallar brazos nuevos que me abracen y olvidarme de él
emborracharme hasta quedarme dormida esperando
la nostalgia de él no me visite en mis sueños
y rezar por una cura, un remedio
para borrarlo de mi mente para siempre
para poder empezar de nuevo con alguien que sepa valorarme
Sin el fantasma de el constante persiguiendome

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Poetry: Banished

I wrote this poem on Valentine’s Day of 2022.

Your false love swallowed me into an ocean of oblivion
and I almost drowned
You consumed my mind with anxious thoughts
of whether or not I mattered to you
And thoughts of death visited me when you ignored me
Feelings of worthlessness and emptiness
threatened my wretched existence over and over again
because of your inconsistent love
But one day, I was enough by myself
I didn’t need your pseudo love
So I’m banishing you to the land of past lovers
who never deserved the magic
of my love

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Poesia: Indiferencia

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/26/poetry-indifference/

vivimos en un mundo de indiferencia
pero continuamos fingiendo que nos amamos
cuando en realidad todavía no me olvidado de él
y tu todavia piensas en ella
pero los dos tenemos miedo a la soledad
por eso seguimos juntos en una existencia de falsedad

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Poesia: Me Alejo de Ti

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/23/poetry-youre-a-mess/

Me alejo de ti porque esto ya no funciona
Me alejo de ti porque no puedo seguir en tu aura
de desmadre y caos que eres
Me alejo de ti por el bien de los dos
para que tu encuentras tu calma
para que yo no pierda mi cordura

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Poetry: Fearful

Aquí está la versión en Español:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/05/poesia-cobardia/

you burned our novel of love
because your courage ran out
because you couldn’t fight for us-
even when you told me over and over again
how being with me made you feel alive
how I was different from anyone you ever met
none of that mattered because you chose your wife
because she brings you security
because she’s your peace
because she’s comfortable
because you preferred a static and predictable life with her
Instead of living a life full of excitement and challenges with me