Our relationship slowly wilted Too many broken promises Too many sacrifices on my part I gave you my youth and you two children and you couldnβt give me an ounce of affection I tried to melt your icy cold wall and you denied my warmth And I tried over and over again to save us! But how do you save something that continues to die? Date nights, long conversations,accommodating to your needs continuously, and marriage counseling but all of it was useless and completely pointless So I gave up and let our marriage fall into a coffin along with your broken promises to change I even kept the coffin open with a slight hope we could fix us But one day I got tired of waiting, waiting and waiting and I decided to close the coffin and nail it shut- It was time to bury our lackluster love
The cure for a broken soul is finding love and validation within yourself Itβs finding beauty in the ordinary Itβs finding joy in the mundane moments of life The cure for a broken soul is finding faith and hope in the most trying of times and accepting the darkness within you is temporary and not everything deserves your energy The cure for a broken soul is acceptance and love from the universe, the source and God
Spring, I hope you bring creativity and love I hope you bring a brand new season of a healthy and calm me I hope you bring to the forefront my beauty within I hope you bring a happiness unknown to me I hope you bring a new sense of serenity
Iβm finally free from the chains of love I felt truly a slave to it Thinking I needed it, thinking I wanted it But the truth is the only person I ever needed was me I never needed anyone else to care for me, to love me itβs always temporary until they leave Today marks my independence day from loveβs heavy and terrible weight Because I am worth more than another fickle soul Who I always become too much for Because I deserve a sense of emotional stability After so many emotional scars caused by love
he watches her as she sleeps and the emotions she stirs up in him this was supposed to be a casual agreement where only each otherβs primal needs got met sheβs not easy or convenient she has way too many issues and yet here he is starting to love her
People say I shouldnβt give up on love and itβs really just my bad luck But how do I explain How love makes me insane Itβs not the men I pick Itβs really me, me, me Iβll become the version they want me to be thinking theyβll stay with me- behave, swallow my words, hide my anger, implode on myself in the privacy of my journal but keep my mask of sweet princess on- but this never last for long something always happens itβs just a matter of when when will I get tired of hiding who I am and start being erratic and crazy When will they get tired of my bullshit and decided to leave and almost always, this ends up as an emotional catastrophe for me so Iβve come up with a solution Iβm going to make my newfound solitude a haven, a sanctuary to fall into give myself as much time as I need to enjoy the gift on my own company understanding that this isnβt an ending but rather a brand new beginning for me to write and edit my own unconventional love story
I wonder where all of my money goes but then I go home to the bottomless pits that are my kids and then I go upstairs to my bedroom where my closet is exploding with clothes and then I look under bed full of shoes and then I go downstairs to my record player and looks at my various vinyls and we wonβt even talk about my newly acquired furniture from Amazon now I understand my money goes to my busy life and my BPD spending impulsivity
Your false love swallowed me into an ocean of oblivion and I almost drowned You consumed my mind with anxious thoughts of whether or not I mattered to you And thoughts of death visited me when you ignored me Feelings of worthlessness and emptiness threatened my wretched existence over and over again because of your inconsistent love But one day, I was enough by myself I didnβt need your pseudo love So I’m banishing you to the land of past lovers who never deserved the magic of my love
I feel raw with emotions Itβs like someone has ripped off the scab of an almost healed heart and itβs bleeding once again And while this time itβs not pulsating with anger and rage it still hurts like a small paper cut you canβt see but itβs still there
I wish I could be perfect to everyone in my life, the perfect mom, the perfect coparent, the perfect mistress but the pressure gets too loud within me And I need to get away from how I want to be perceived Iβll never be the perfect anything Iβm never be June Cleaver or the perfect dream girl I can only be authentically and imperfect me And maybe me and everyone in my life need to accept thatβs the best I can be
My diagnosis doesnβt define me, It empowers me, it makes sense of my nonsense Iβm not crazy or chaotic or even hard to love Iβm a dream come true wrapped up in complexity sure at times I feel like a nightmare But donβt all of us get rough at times So whoever gets scared and runs away from me Sorry not sorry, Iβm too much and youβre just not enough
I wrote this in March of 2022 for World Bipolar Day.
I wear the stigma of a bipolar diagnosis and hide this big secret This secret has been a part of me since my teens This secret explains my sometimes uncontrollable insanity This secret at times robs me of my sleep This secret has taken me on many fun and lustful adventures This secret makes me write, write, write so I donβt want to die, die, die I keep this secret and take medication for it But one day, Iβll scream out loud my mental health truth Iβm bipolar 2 Iβm not enough to ruin your life but just enough to fuck it up a little at a time
Iβm tired of the bustle and hustle that comes with my social status and the color of my skin Why wasnβt I raised with privilege and wealth instead of being raised with poverty and trauma? And I try and I try and I try to find a way out of this cruel existence but itβs futile I take pride in my never ending hustling but at times it feels so exhausting There seems to no end in sight for this fruitless fight
McKenzie Harpeβs debut collection, When Pens Became Megaphones is aptly named because of how powerful the writing is in this book. The poems in this book are passionate and compelling in examining a variety of themes. A few of the themes covered in this book are mental health, relationships, family, racism, and social injustice. . The book is divided into four sections which are, βSpeak With Yoβ Mindβ, βSpeak with Yoβ Soulβ, βSpeak with Yo Fistβ and βSpeak with Yoβ Heartβ. Harpe does not mince words or is subtle to express herself in her poetry and that is something I greatly admire. I also want to mention that the format and presentation of the book is very professional and flawless in how itβs laid out making it very appealing for the reader. I will discuss 2 poems from each section that really spoke to me.
The first section βSpeak With Yoβ Mindβ talks frankly and honestly about anxiety and the feelings that come along with it and how the poet copes. The poet presents a true understanding of how some people feel with the burden of anxious thoughts and how trying to find peace with that can feel like an uphill battle. A poem that spoke to me about dealing with anxiety was Medicine. The poem Medicine talks about the healthy coping mechanism that music can be for someone with mental health issues. This is presented in the fourth stanza with the lines βmusic is my only redemption/the only prevention/for lost hopeβ (Harpe,15) As a person with mental health issues myself, music is one of my healthiest coping mechanisms. When the world gets too βnoisyβ for me, I tend to put my earbuds in and play something to either calm me down or hype me up depending on my mood. Another poem from this section that resonated with me was Evicted. Evicted presents a picture about kicking anxiety out. This is presented when the poet states, βsee, I only came to organize/my thoughts on my hanger, /but now Iβm cleaning out more than my closet. /Iβm kicking you out, anxietyβ (Harpe,17) There is a power in that verse which shows the poet taking her power back from anxiety taking up space in her mind. As a person who also suffers from anxiety, I completely get it.
The second section pays a tribute to where the poets come from and her family. Harpe does this by talking about the women in her family as well as her friends. One poem that I especially loved was My Day Ones where she captures the ease that comes from long term friendships or connections. This is stated in the poem, βa necessary vent/ after years/of personal growth/and that vibes still the sameβ (Harpe,31) This poem resonated with me because it reminded me of the connection I have with my childhood friends from Hawaii. Weeks or months can pass by without us talking and out of the blue one of us will say something in our group chat and weβll catch up on life. Another poem I absolutely loved from this section was Auntie. It displays the resilience and strength of a woman who has breast cancer. Harpe shows this woman’s strength from the first line, βI know a woman/whoβs not afraid of monstersβ (Harpe,36). This poem resonates with me when I think about breast cancer survivors and victims of breast cancer . Another thing I like about this poem is that Harpe captures the essence of this woman going through something really harrowing in a way that respects her humanity.
The third section Harpe explores the great social injustices that have been happening and still happen in this country. Harpe does this by talking frankly and honestly about racism and white privilege. The poem Armed is one of my favorite poems in the whole book. It speaks about how words can be weapons of change. When Harpe says, βI load my pen with thoughts/the aim with precision/ spit fire on these pages/ and hope you see my vision/ this is more than just a poem (Harpe,59), she speaks the truth with how people tend to underestimate the power that artists can have when to comes to social change. This poem reminded me that one of the reasons I write is to give a voice to the marginalized immigrant community that I come from. Another poem that really resonated with me in this section was the poem The Five Senses. This poem addresses how white privilege continues to undermine and oppress minorities in this country. I was blown away by how the poet used all of five senses to do this. For example, for the sense of hearing in stanza 2, the poet states βwhat does it sound like? /hearing a native language/and calling it a threat. /yelling at minorities/to go back home/to places they never even met/like we didnβt forget/you never discovered/this country to begin with, (Harpe,66). That stanza gives me goosebumps from how powerful it is in addressing racists and calling out their hypocrisy. This part in this poem really resonated too since I have been subject to prejudice and discrimination due to my ethnicity and former immigration status.
The fourth section βSpeak with Yoβ Heartβ explores themes related to love and itβs not just centered on romantic love, but it also talks about self-love. I really resonate with the poem Dramatic. In the first stanza the poet states βwhen you date a poet/understand that your attitude/will become similes/your emotions/will become metaphors/your actions/will be the starting line/for each stanza ( Harpe,83) How true is this for many poets who will take their inspiration from their romantic relationships. Some of us even have a blog dedicated to this type of poetry (ππ). Another poem that really stood out from this section was Saving Grace. In this poem, Harpe talks about her βtoxic relationship with anxietyβ and how it has impacted her. A powerful verse in this poem was βthis time I felt sad/lonely/and nonexistent. /turns out, he had changed into this person/called depression (Harpe,93). Harpe shows how agonizing it feels like for a lot of us when our anxiety turns into depression. I also want to mention that the end of this poem was very hope and filled with faith. Once again, Harpe captures the painful truth that most of us with anxiety and depression must live with.
With her debut collection, Harpe presents an amazing talent for being open and honest about life, identity, social justice, and mental health. My only complaint about this book is that I wanted to read more. Yes, thatβs how good this poetry collection was. I donβt usually read a book in one sitting but Harpeβs writing captivated me in such a way that I couldnβt put it down. I highly recommend this book for anyone who likes poetry thatβs inspiring and empowering. I look forward from reading more from this poet. Below is a link to When Pens Become Megaphones