This is my response to prompt #9 : The best way to spend a cold evening
A warm fire heats us up as we lie naked
underneath lots of blankets
we laugh and joke about our “comedy of errors”
that had to take place in order to get here
Vulnerable in intimacy in each other’s arms
unmasked from all of the preconceptions
of who we thought we needed to be to love each other
loving each other in our worst moments
while finding joy and euphoria
in our best moments like this one
I wrote this in December of 2021.
I’m not meant to be loved behind closed doors
or only at night or kept as your little secret
I’m not meant to be the mistress, the side chick
or your on call whore
I’m not meant to be devoured at your convenience in 2 hour increments
I’m meant to be taken out in public in the daytime
and introduced to your family and friends
I’m meant to be part of your relationship status, your girlfriend,
your partner in crime
I’m meant to be paraded and exhibited everywhere
but most of all I’m meant to be loved out loud
This is in response to prompt #22:Something all people should know
stop allowing the world tell you who you should be
embrace who are with all of your imperfections
being “flawless ”is a lie sold to us by a consumerist society
who uses our insecurities for profit–
the countless anti aging creams catered to women of a certain age
even more weight loss shakes and gimmicks targeted at everyone
feeding us a false narrative that if we are skinnier or younger
we’ll somehow be an almost perfect ideal of human
be whoever you need be to fit your own brand of happy
everything else is bullshit
This was my response to prompt #22: Something all people should know
Stop shaming your shadow self
trying to constantly shut it down
telling yourself it’s not a part of you
it’s been there since you were a child
acknowledge it, walk with it
Let it be seen, let it be heard
even if that sometimes looks crazy or weird
Let that bitch or asshole out
Otherwise it will consume you
I wrote this in December of 2021 when I got on a new form of hormonal birth control. It’s an understatement to say that it amped up the intensity of my emotions.
I’ve bled for more than 40 days and 40 nights
but my doctor says I need to grin and bear it
My hormones are in constant flux
I want to die, I want to scream
Is God punishing me for my past sins?
My mood swings are uncontrollable
No matter what I do, I can’t find the calm
Anger, rage, sadness, and despair
are my emotional staples
And within a span of 3 weeks
I write poetry at 3am, crash my car,
and breakup with my friend
When will this madness end?
My doctor says give it 6 more weeks
but my mind and body are losing it
over this 2 inch form of torture
Will the next 6 weeks get calmer?
or will I go down in infamy?
This was my response to prompt #25:A thing your life has in excess
I lie to myself about my lack of love
The truth is that love is everywhere to be found
My mom who calls to check in on me
My tia who sends me Buenos Días videos
My coworkers who put up with my many moods
My kids who tell me “I got you ma” when I can’t
figure out the latest household gadget
My friends who listen to me without judgment
Love is everywhere I am and it’s time for me
to radically accept it
Easy E,Tupac, and Dr.Dre calmed me down
when I was lost amidst a nervous breakdown
I couldn’t remember who the fuck I was
or where I came from
then I blasted some Gangsta Rap in my ear
and remembered who the fuck I was
I’m a Queen from the land of the Incas
raised in West L.A and Paradise
I’m made to withstand earthquakes and hurricanes
even when they come disguised as humans
that’s when I turned my grief into anger and rage
and knew I wouldn’t be “just okay”
I would make this my greatest comeback in my life story
I wrote this in December of 2021.
Christmas sounds like Mariah Carey and Wham
competing to blast their christmas songs from my radio
or a Christmas Story playing on the tv
Christmas looks likes the crooked christmas tree
almost tipping over with an excessive amount of ornaments
and way too many gifts under the tree
christmas taste like mashed potatoes with ham
and alcoholic eggnog to swallow
uncomfortable conversations about politics
christmas smells like candles burning with scents
called christmas tree farm
christmas feels like happiness with everything in my life
and the warmth and magic of my little family
This was my response to prompt #30: The time of day you prefer
Sunday mornings make me jump out of bed
ready to seize the fuck out of the day
First my overpriced coffee while I blast out
music in my ears and tune the world out
Write, write, write whatever crazy thing
has been lingering in my mind
then I drive to the only place
where I can get fresh bread
I stand in a line full of the local hipsters
for my gluttonous must have
rush back home where I write
and plot more blog content for next month
will there be another playlist?
more angry poetry about an ex
who screwed me over?
or am I changing the narrative
and finally being honest about my recovery
Sunday mornings are always an opportunity
for my creativity to come out in full force
without judgment, without apologies
This was my response to prompt #24: Your Top Priority
I build the life of my dreams through discipline and hard work
while I appreciate everything I have at this moment
even the minor annoyances
and especially the moments of calm and silence
I’m no longer relegating myself to a side character
or a side chick or a passenger in my life
I’m writer, the master, the driver of the life I’m creating
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2021.
Soy la sangre de mis antepasados
Colonizadores e indígenas
y pues por estoy llena
de una ambigüedad
de moralidad
Y pues por eso tengo
la tez blanca con cabello negro y crespo
Soy la sangre de mis abuelos y abuelas
y pues por eso estoy
llena de frialdad
y tambien tengo
un calor único
Soy la sangre mis padres
Y por eso soy
débil y fuerte
Y callada con mal genio
This was my response to prompt #29: One thing to do
Stop making excuses and take control over your life
no one has power over you-
stop allowing the opinions of other influence you
It’s time to stop with the bullshit and the false stories
Stop living in fear, stop living for others
this is your fucking life
the time is now to start living it authentically
I wrote this in December 2021.
Believing in myself feels like an act of rebellion
after years of self loathing and self destruction
I finally feel enough and complete
Is this some kind of dream?
Do I really love myself?
Do I really accept myself?
Do I really care about myself?
I do and I do and I do
I’m ready to live out my truth
I’m complicated and complex
and not terrible or a hot mess
I’ve been forever misjudged
and thought I was too much
The reality of my authenticity
Brings out a new transparency
I was never too much or not enough
or even the hardest to love
I might be a complicated puzzle to solve
But I’m always, always, worthy of love
This was my response to prompt #17: The best gift you could receive
God grant me serenity and peace
I hate it when I’m like this
everything annoys the fuck out of me
If I have to see another post about healing or trauma
or my inner child, I’m throwing my phone out the door
it’s not anything or anyone specifically
its these horrible mood swings
They transform me into a salty bitch
who sets fire to everything and everyone
with her pen and paper
at least now I channel my anger into poetry and prose
and no longer self implode
when will serenity and peace come to me permanently
and not just come to visit me temporarily?
This was my response to prompt #27: A book you want to read
Will “The Body Keep Score” give me the answers I need
as to why my body still feels past trauma
and why I still have nightmares about people and places
who has caused me harm?
or how when a trauma anniversary comes up
like the day I lost my baby or the day I lost my mind
my body feels extra heavy and my fists are clenched all day
Will I finally understand my body can still feel the pain of trauma
months and even years later when something catastrophic happens to me?
Life on the BPD 