Posted on by pattytacuri

Poetry: Caught Between

I wrote this 2001 when I took a break from writing angry breakup poetry-lol. As an immigrant that grew up here, I’ve struggled with my identity for most of my life. Issues with identity are also another trait of BPD. I think this was a time in my life when I was especially reflecting on this part of my identity because I was become aware that men were fetishizing me.

me in 2001 around the time I wrote this poem

Caught between two worlds
what am I made up of more
hopefully I won’t ever have to choose
sometimes I wish to just cut loose

Too Latina for the American side
Too Americanizada for the Latino side
So what is the politically correct term for someone like me?
Not American, not born here
Not fully Latina either
for I lack that latin allure

So I’ll call myself one of a kind
a girl with much Latin beauty and an American mind
like a delicious half and half cream
whose taste is an amazing mixed dream

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Poetry: My Pathetic Little Beast

Me in 2006 when I wrote this poem

I wrote this poem in 2006 about my tumultuous relationship with writing. I love to write and it’s saved me more times than I can count. However, I tend to beat myself up if I’m not writing enough.

Instead of tears from eyes that long to spill,
I will spill words onto these pages.
Words that make sense,
Words that don’t make sense,
Many are in fact nonsense
I will let my emotions, the wind
And my surroundings guide me until
I fill up these pages
Full of nonsense, prose,
Poetry, ideas, and everything I can think of
This will be a new phase
this new phase will be full
of promise and potential
And it will also be full
of what I hope is the inspiration
that leads me to share my relationship
to the world.
this will be my fourth baby
Another one I will nurse and raise until it is
As beautiful and complete as my
real life ones.
This is the promise I make to
my pathetic little beast.

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Poetry: Dying Innocence

I wrote this is 2006 in for my creative writing class. I wrote thinking about my sexuality when I was a teenager. I was hypersexual from a young age.

me in 2006-around the time I wrote this poem

She was an adult like sixteen years old
Hormones racing like the speed of light
These were bitter enemies of the cold
Powerful sensations she had to fight
Had the body of a mature woman
But the maturity of one she lacked
But still she chose a stranger man
He told her quickly “Lie on your back.”
She was swiftly incapacitated
Gone forever, her norms and behavior
As her callow body palpitated
With her lengthy new found pleasure
And this was the unforeseen joyous end
Of her already dying innocence

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Poesía: Siempre Una Novedad

For the English version of this poem, click on the link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/30/poetry-passing-fad/

Escribí este poema en en 2000 cuando tuve un evento infortunado incident con un alguien que estaba saliendo.

Todavía me acuerdo de tus palabras hirientes
Después de acostarte conmigo
“mejor quedamos como amigos”
mi mundo se destruyó en minutos
casi me ahogo en un mar de mis lágrimas
nunca quisistes conocerme de verdad
la unico que querias era el ardor de mi cuerpo
y me quede con una tristeza profunda
que de nuevo era nada más que una novedad

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Poesía : El Destino

For the English Version of this poem, click on the link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/28/poetry-fate/

Escribí este poema en el 2000.

siempre mi favorito


Debió ser el destino
Por que al fin llegó mi alma gemela
es mi amante y mi amigo
quiero que mi tiempo con el
dure para siempre
Porque prende un fuego dentro de mi
y siempre es mi dulce inspiración
siempre me hace sonreír
Ojala que el sera mi ultima milla de amor

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Poesía: Todavía Sueño Contigo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/17/poetry-i-still-love-you/

Escribí este poema en 1999 pensando en Andrew, un ex enamorado que tuve con cual me obsesione.

Todavía te amo
no se porque
tu fuiste el arco iris en mi vida
que nunca espere
me diste el regalo especial de tu amor
pero después ella llegó
y tu amor se esfumó
deje de ser tu querida
y ahora me siento como una inutil
porque aunque tú escogiste a esa
Hay algo que te tengo que confesar
todavía sueño con nosotros
y nuestro amor