I wrote this poem in October of 2024
is it the gods of bpd and pmdd or the men in my life with 3 of swords energy
making me extra hateful and moody today
are my standards too high because I’m obsessed
with conan gray, joji, and yung gravy
and none of the men in my life seem to hold a flicker of a flame
to the Gods of music I worship
is is the gods of bpd and pmdd or my chronic pain making me a moody bitch
today or is it me not being selective enough with who I’m allowing
into my inner circle and allowing clowns to pollute my energy
because lately my poetry isn’t hitting like it used to
or maybe I just need to uninstall all of my social media apps,
turn off my phone for a few days, and read books and listen to my vinyls
to reset and recharge
Life on the BPD 
I remember an old song called “sing sing a song” I think by The Carpenters , which has the line “don’t worry if it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear” Whenever I have doubts about my writing I think of that twee middle of the road lyric and just carry on writing even if it feels not good enough for me myself. Even in my poorest work I’ll find something, even if it’s simply a word combination or feeling that fits to something better. As poets I think we’re more critical than most writers, and sometimes we should just put our pieces together, even if they feel they don’t work at that moment.
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