Here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/24/poetry-excuses/
Necesito estar solo
era tu excusa
no quieres herirme
fue lo que me dijiste
Todavia la amo
es lo que querías decirme
un corto pasatiempo
fui lo que yo signifique para ti
I wrote this in 2006.
Rising from a deep sleep
That had become our marital bed
Passion woke up
In a sudden caress
Of your rough hands
On my soft bare back
Your eyes shone on me again
With that long lost stare
Desire
Our long lost friend
Is back
To reclaim us
From our endlessly deep and dreamless sleep
I wrote this in 2006 about my husband and my husband were in a good place…meaning we were having sex again after taking a break for several months from it. I tend to place a lot of importance of sex in a relationship and well…if that’s lacking, I get bored and depressed in the relationship.
For once desire and passion
Has entered our lives once again
And the pieces start to fall perfectly
In our lives again.
Is this a dream or just another short lived memory?
He runs his hand through my back and it’s like
Electrical wires going through my body and it turns on
Something wonderful inside of it.
Whatever happened to our
rut and miserable boredom for each other?
He wants me once again and I want only him.
What did I do differently this time?
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Pensaba que a lo mejor cambaría de parecer pronto pero no fue así.
Podría ser que yo no soy
Aquella mujer
A la cual no quieres ligarte
Podría ser que yo no soy
Aquella chica
Que siempre va a misa
Podría ser que yo no soy
Aquella princesa
Que no te compadezca
Pero después de probar
Estos deliciosos labios
Nunca dirás adiós
Y después de sentir
Mi cuerpo dedicado a ti
Solo pensaras en mi
Y después de estar conmigo
Conocerás el amor verdadero
Y no te arrepentirás
De echar todo lo que podría ser
I wrote this in March of 2020 as I was reflecting on my suicide attempt in December of 2016. I don’t remember writing this poem but that could be because it was a crazy time for me since I was an essential worker during COVID.
Appearances were kept well for 15 years
the husband, the salaried job, the 3 off springs
I pretended like everything was fine
And yet there were ominous signs
I never felt like my authentic self
and always felt false
I tried on this so called suburban bliss
and mediocre routines
but knew it just wasn’t me
So I ended up in profound misery
And one day I wanted to forever sleep
To forget my mediocre reality
I took 15 numb feeling pills
one for every pseudo happy year
I wanted to slip into a forever dream
to never wake up to my false stability
I wrote this poem about my husband in 2006 when we were in a rut of routine and being parents. I remember thinking how hard it was at the time to reconnect with him.
Long ago…
Passion was lost
Where did it go?
What has it turned into?
Perhaps into comfortable feelings
Of gratitude and friendship
And boring things like that
But how can we find once again?
The long lost passion
That we once had.
I wrote this in the year 2001 after really good sex with my ex Paul. He was 29 and I was 19 at the time. It may have been the first or second time I think. He said to me right afterwards, “Don’t fall in love with me.” Man, I sure know how to pick them. Lol.
He was beautiful
He made love to me with his eyes
He made me melt with the simplest caress
He made me feel like a woman
With his beautiful words and loving touch
We melted together as one
And finally as we reached the end
We knew that as we exploded in the ecstasy
that our lovemaking brought
We are one for the other
And we will be forever
I wrote this poem in early 2006 about my husband. We have always had completely different love languages.
Emotions for you
sway from
Good to bad
Every day
And I wonder
Why “we” can’t ever be
Balanced
Instead of
the disorganized mess
that we are
I wrote this in 2006 for my creative writing class.
Let’s go to your store
Where it’s like paradise
Where no one’s ignored
There is a nice white floor
And there are no cries
Let’s go to your store
Nobody is abhorred
Or ever sacrificed
Where no one’s ignored
Everyone is adored
And even told a few lies
Let’s go to your store
Confidence is restored
Because everyone tries
Where no one’s ignored
So take me on a tour
Where no one has a price
Let’s go to your store
Where no one’s ignored
For the English version of this poem, click the link below:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/21/poetry-sea-of-misery/
Estoy aqui ahogandome
en un mar de desgracia
por tu egoísmo
Gracias por tirar me
en un infierno de soledad
Me usaste
como una inútil
Para darte cuenta
lo mucho que amabas a otra
una pesadilla de mentiras,traición, y decepción
estaban detrás de esos besos celestiales
palabras y caricias bonitas
Me describes como algo fresco
porque no soy como las demás
esperate un par de meses
cuando te canses de mi
There is something about you
that I’m attracted to
maybe it’s your laugh
or the way you talk
or maybe how you drive me crazy
when you touch me
I know what it is
You make me feel
EVERYTHING!
Escribí este poema en el 2006 cuando me obsesione con unos de mis compañeros de la universidad.
El hombre con esos intensos ojos negros me tiene embrujada.
Me siento viva cuando me mira, me siento sensual cuando me habla.
Cuántas veces he tratado de no gritar todo lo que me hace sentir.
Algo pasó hoy
Una atracción que siento por él que no se pudo callar.
Me encanta su voz, su piel, y su manera de hablar sin cuidado.
Pero esto es otra de mis ilusiones románticas sin realidad.
I wrote this in 2006 when I was frustrated and fantasized about leaving my husband.
What if I don’t think?
About our precious link
And decide to go
Without letting you know
And let you wake up
Free of our never ending rut
What if I don’t feel your love
And am no longer good enough
And continue to fight for us
And leaving you becomes a must
What if I choose to be free
and leave you abruptly
and live my life without you
because I finally learned my value
I love you
but I hate you
I miss you
but you’re a jerk
I desire you
but your love is awful
I want you here with me
but you make me suffer
I want to kiss you
but you steal my calm
I keep you in my heart
but with you I lose my mind
Life on the BPD 