I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

I give you the gift of my heart with everything in it
so please be careful with it
I donβt want it to be broken apart again
if you decide to leave on a whim
I wrote this poem in February of 2025.

scattered memories of you and I are tossed into the bonfire
pictures, poems, and letters never sent burn and burn
and I watch understanding this is our closure
and our chapter is finally closed
and I needed the bonfire and a final curtain call
on an early February night to put us behind
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

this is a dangerous road Iβm traveling on
smiling at your messages
Creating a playlist inspired by you
romanticizing every interaction we have
liking every single one of your posts
Wondering if youβre safe enough
To get to know you
beyond the walls of this simple friendship
I wrote this poem in February of 2025.

my pleas for love fall on the deaf ears of the universe
I scoff and get angry with her
Wondering whatβs left to heal
whatβs left for closure
whatβs wrong with me that I need to fix in order
to attract someone to love for the crazy, creative
and complex woman that I am
I wrote this poem of February of 2025.

one day Iβll meet a man who wonβt be afraid to take my hand
and declare his love for me in public
one day Iβll meet a man who wonβt have eyes for another body
other than mine
One day Iβll meet a man whose values aligns with mine
One day Iβll meet a man whoβs always looking for ways
to evolve and better himself
One day Iβll meet a man who wonβt run away from his emotions
and confront them head on even when it hurts
one day Iβll meet a man whoβll want to make me his
for the rest of his life without blinking an eye
and say Iβm one the best things thatβs ever happened to him
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

Iβd never say I lost time with any of my love stories-
they all taught me something about myself
They all inspired me to write poetry
and two of them help me create my three kings
even if some of my love stories left me decimated
and almost destroyed me
they were all worthy for the love I felt
the growth and progress I had
I wrote this poem in February of 2025.

next valentineβs day I want to be calm especially if Iβm still alone
I want my nervous system to be ultra regulated and not the mess
it currently is
next valentineβs day I donβt want to entertain vengeful fantasies
of getting my baseball bat to scare couples in the middle
of their romantic dinner
Next valentineβs day I donβt to keep playing the role of bitter,jaded,
and lonely bitch who allows herself to become a wreck
at the mere mention of romantic love
Next valentineβs day Iβm rewriting the script of grief stricken lonely girl
and will make it a day that will reflect on all of the love I have in my life
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

Iβm looking for the rhythm of a new heartbeat to fall in love with
A heartbeat that goes with the flow of my intense intimacy
A heartbeat who doesnβt call me angel or princess
only calls me by my name
a heartbeat whoβll fall in love with the real me
and not the idea they have of me
or the persona I play on social media
A heartbeat who can handle my crazy and chaos
A heartbeat who accepts and understands me
and never tries to change me
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

next time, next time, next time
I wonβt live in the should haves,
could haves, would haves
next time, next time, next time
Iβll live in my present
and not in my past or future
next time, next time, next time
I wonβt feel useless, worthless
or like Iβm not enough
I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Mason like the jar was his name
being a fuckboy was his game
He tried to act wise beyond his 23 years
But he was still wet behind his ears
He thought he could deceive me
and lies and lies and lies he told me
told me he lived with a roommate
when it was really his soul mate
He wanted his ice cream and cake
but I saw through his con game
And right away I stopped our lust filled affair
My respect I needed to firmly declare
I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Nobody knew about our sexcapade
You were a temporary escape
From the emptiness and loneliness
I felt in my suburban adolescence
Nobody knew about me and you
Until I could no longer hide
the living creature inside
Nobody knew about me and you
Until my belly grew and grew
And half of it was you
Nobody knew about our short fling
Until one day I had to sing
Iβm pregnant with a strangerβs baby
No,heβll never be the one or even a maybe
I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

once upon a time I wrote a lovely poem about us
and called it by starlight
it told the story of our first night
but now youβre gone and all Iβm left with
are memories of who we once were
and while I miss you
I know itβs better this way
we both needed a clean slate from our baggage
to start anew with someone else
we both needed to have a brand new start
with someone who fits into the new versions
of who we are now
I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

My former lover prays for me because I won’t fuck him
Is this how it feels like to change my story from on call whore
to an Iβm healing and deserve better “Woman
Is this how it feels like to to go from fun girl to healthy woman
I use to measure my worth by who loved me or who wanted to fuck me
but those days of impulsivity and “hey, this will be fun”
are long gone
Now are the days of painful transformations,therapy worksheets, self reflection
and most importantly self love
So I put away my sexy vixen persona
And I put on my ” βI’m authentic without apologies personaβ
Iβve stopped living to please others
and now live to please myself