poetry: my season of healing
I wrote this poem in November of 2022.
healing is chaos and calm intertwined with diving timing
because after almost falling of the cliff of insanity
and wanting to end it all
a light flickered inside of me to push through-
that light was sometimes my anger, therapy, poetry
or my friends encouraging me to to move forward
to continue on my path of self discovery
and a year later-
I no longer care about why someone’s love wavered
or why someone treated me like shit
all i care about is vibrating to the version
of my highest and healthiest self
I care about intentionally setting fire to the path
of personal and professional success
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poetry: breakfast
I wrote this poem in November of 2022.
I make breakfast for me and my lover as he looks at me
he’s surprised i know how to cook
I’ve deceived him, lied that I didn’t know my way around the kitchen
I didn’t want to ruin my bad girl image
but for him I’ll uncover my domestic side, my feminine side
the side that wants to take care of him
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poetry: chalk line
I wrote this poem in November of 2022.
I used to be an expert at throwing my own pity parties
I drew a chalk line of the outline of my body
and called myself the victim of my life
It was before self-awareness kicked in,
it was before radical honesty
it was comforting to drown in my misery
but now, if I feel myself treading in a sea of self-pity
I look back on all of the progress I’ve made
and all of the healing I’ve done
and am reassured I’m not a victim anymore
I never really was
I was always a diamond buried under a mountain
of mental illness-and now I shine
with the queen energy that took me a long time
to uncover
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Keep going. You got this. 😘😘😘
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Song of the Day 👻”all my ghosts are with me”👻
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poetry: integration
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
The scared and anxious little girl and the insecure and clingy woman tug at me-
I try to avoid them and lock them up in a box, but it never happens that way
They refuse to go away when a trigger of trauma visits me
And once again, I am lost in the alter ego I made up to protect myself
the one who shows up in confidence and screams through her poetry
but if I want to reach integration
I need to allow the little girl and the insecure woman space to reside within me
and honor them with powerful words of praise
because they, too, were part of my strength and resilience through the many traumas
It may feel painful at times-but for me to get to become a whole person
and reach emotional maturity – I need to walk hand in hand with the ones
who made me the powerful and confident woman I currently am
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poetry: deer in the runner’s eyes
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts
I will my legs to keep going as they start to groan
and threaten to turn to mush
the autumn sun shines on me and this should lift my spirits
but the gloom stay within as I run, run, run
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts
I still hate everything-especially myself
Thinking of all my wrongs and how I’m doomed to a life
of solitary confinement
Will I ever fix what’s wrong with me?
and then I see it-a deer a few yards away from me
3 second glances are exchanged it runs across the road
away from me-
and something shifts in me
hope is awakened with a reminder of nature’s splendor
it puts everything in perspective
I am but a speck in the universe
a creation of GOD
It’s a waste to focus on past regrets and could’ve beens
I need to seize the moment of what is and what could be-
and I run on to the next chapter of my life
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poetry: time
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
“This is your time” the moon goddess whispers to me in a dream
she puts her hand on my shoulder and a jolt of magic spread throughout my body
I stumble and almost fall-
but catch myself in time to stand up-and feel my power rise within
I am invincible, I am empowered, I am ready to fulfill my potential
and claim my success
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poetry: christopher columbus
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
Maybe it’s lack of sex or lack of sleep but I must declare-
Christopher Columbus is a piece of shit
Maybe it’s my own insecurities or maybe it’s a projection
but I must say you can get away with murder
if you’re a white male
Maybe it’s the BPD and the depression
But I must scream FUCK WHITE SUPREMACY
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poetry: a letter to Eliza
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
Eliza, eliza, eliza
what have you done?
Entering a beauty content you have no business entering
While you’re beautiful ,confident and powerful-
Beauty contests aren’t for you when european beauty standards
rule society
it’s not that you’re less than them
It’s just that your type of beauty is only meant to be fetishized
to be fantasized about
your beauty is a temporary place for men
your beauty can’t keep a man, only excite men
So while I’ll share the link
and every now and then remind people to vote for you
Remember your worth is not wrapped up in your beauty
Because you’re more than your good looks
You’re everything
Kind, loyal, intelligent, witty, sexy, everything a man can dream of
A woman a man can really love and be loyal to
You just haven’t met him yet
Trust is the process-trust in God’s divine timing
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poetry: a new love story
I wrote this poem in October 2022.
Maybe I need a new love story-even if it’s temporary
so I can find relief and some peace from this loneliness
That’s making me into an insane mess
Maybe losing myself in someone else
Will stop making me feel less-
or perhaps what’s really happening
It’s me allowing my depression talk me into finding a solution-
for my neverending frustration with healing and growth
and always having to look within for what I need
But perhaps if I had somebody maybe for once, I could just be
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poetry: Found Poem-BPD Edition with Quora
I wrote this poem in October of 2022 with the help of Quora.
what do most people not understand about borderline personality disorder?
what are borderline psychopaths?
can you trust someone with borderline personality disorder?
can someone who has bpd have empathy and feel bad for what they have done?
does a borderline individual ever had a hard time getting over someone or
can they easily forget?
what is borderline personality rage?
what hurts a person with BPD?
why is borderline personality so contradictory?
do people with BPD act normal to everyone except the person they’re splitting on?
are people with BPD childlike ?
can unconditional love treat borderline disorder?
does a person with bpd make their partners go crazy?
how do borderlines show they love you?
do borderlines ever find happiness, hope or a genuine connection?
what does a bpd episode look like?
should someone with BPD ever disclose that to a potential mate?
when do relationships with PwBpd start to fall apart?
are borderline psychotic?
can borderline disorder be cured?
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poetry: transformation
I wrote this poem in September of 2022.
The transformation is complete
from caterpillar and butterfly
It was full of painful epiphanies that brought an epic catharsis
It was life changing and transcendental
Facing my fears, driving out the toxicity within
Acknowledging brutal truths, letting go of regrets
and embracing my divine duality
I’ve finally become the butterfly I was always meant to be
who flies and lands on her own terms
Life on the BPD 