What is your favorite drink?
You are a necessary evil for a long day
You bring give me hope and a Goddess Complex
but the crash from you is so brutal
at times, I want to quit you for my health
but after 3 years, you’re a constant in my life
that I will need as long as I have 12 hour days
to make ends meet
Who are your favorite people to be around?
I met my first king at 17
when the nurse placed an alien like being in my arms
She was like “feed him”and I was like “how do I do that?”
What should I do with him?
Eventually I figured it out
I met my first king at 24
as a birthday present, just like me
he had to make a dramatic entrance
but it was love at first sight
No one could take him from my arms
I knew what to do
I met my third king at 30
He was a dream delivered
After a dream lost the previous year
He was planned, he was awaited, he was loved
He was welcome by everyone
with him, I felt a completion of love
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
When darkness comes in and my sadness sets in
it covers me and I can’t see the point of it all
And then I hear a knock and it’s my son
And I remember, today he’s my life’s purpose
I need to get up and face another dreadful day
My child needs food and shelter
I can’t let my depression win
I’m a mother first
My darkness will have to be martyred
Remembering over and over again
on days like today my child’s presence
makes my bad days worth living
Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.
When I look at you-
I see a promise of love
in the purest form
No ulterior motives
No second guessing
You’re sure of me
You love me
I’m not used to this
This-which is easy
This-which is true
This-which is happiness
This -which is a gift of intimacy
Wrapped up in your embrace
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
Existing was this never ending sorrow
Existing was a “what the point of it all” status
Existing was a horrible and exhausting nightmare
I couldn’t want to wake up from
But now..
Existing is welcoming the excitement of the morning sun
Existing is looking forward to my next chapter
Existing is a hopeful and lovely dream
I’m currently living in
Aqui esta la version en Espanol:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/07/te-vi/
everytime I see you
I want to sin with you
you are the forbidden fruit
I want to taste, I want to make love to
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
I fantasize about death after my boyfriend’s rejection
I’m so out of touch with reality, a car stops inches away from me
the driver honks at me and cusses me out
I am 15
I want to throw myself of the bridge on the way
to confirm I’m my parent’s worst failure
but a kick inside me saves me
I am 17
I want my baby to stop crying, my head is starting to spin
with psychosis and I hold him a little too tight
until my husband takes him from away me
I am 30
I’m crying while spewing nonsense
while my lover looks at me in horror and disgust
I know it’s over
I am 40
What were your parents doing at your age?
At 41, my mother worked two jobs, raised 3 kids,
and still kept the spark in her marriage alive
I don’t know how she did it all without ever
breaking apart-
I don’t remember ever seeing her cry
but I do remember her temper, her anger
and being afraid of her sometimes
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
someday everything won’t feel so heavy
someday I won’t swim in anxiety
someday I’ll find self love
Someday I’ll be enough
Someday, someday, someday
Maybe someday is today
today I see the light
today I’m grateful for my life
today I feel like enough
Today I have self love
Maybe just maybe
Today I’m truly happy
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/25/poetry-looking-forward/
sentandome en nuestra felicidad de recién casados,
le doy las gracias a Dios por tanta felicidad
vendrá muchos recuerdos que haremos de nuestra vida compartida
criando a nuestros hijos desde bebitos a adolescentes angustiados
discusiones triviales, responsabilidades, y facturas de la casa
y un día le contaremos a nuestros nietos nuestro cuento de amor
nos pelearemos de quien inició nuestra relación (fui yo)
hoy dia, soy la mujer más feliz en el mundo
en convirtiéndome en tu esposa
I wrote this on Valentine’s Day of 2022.
I fucked many recklessly without a purpose
some part of me was looking for love
it was a temporary cure when I wanted to avoid emptiness
it was a temporary cure for my painful loneliness
so I used the the magic of my body
to feel like somebody, like I was worthy
But one day I got tired of how it wasn’t enough
and found my worth and self love
I mean, sure it was fun but I’m done, done and done
I forgive the person I once was who mistook lust for love
I didn’t know any better and settled for prince charmings
when I really needed a king to match my love energy
A king who accepts all of me and not just her body
A king who wants to evolve and grow with me
Do you need a break? From what?
I need to take a breaking from thinking about you
you’ve been on my mind lately and it’s annoying
and it feels so damn foolish
but what can I do when my heart won’t understand logic
I hope this is just a phase
I’m enjoying our newfound friendship
anything more would ruin it
Life on the BPD 