In honor of Taylor Swift’s Birthday, I decided to share my favorite Taylor Swift songs! I didn’t become a Swiftie until last winter when Red (Taylor’s Version) came out. Maybe it was because it was such an emotional time for me but I cried when I watched the “All Too Well” video the first time and the second time when I made my three kids watch the video with me. My youngest son unwittingly knows the lyrics to “Anti-Hero” and “Karma” because some days, I blast Swift from Alexa and my record player. I don’t think you get the full Swiftie experience unless you listen to her on vinyl. Also, in November, I spontaneously found myself at a Taylor Swift Dance Party and it was beyond amazing. I’ve included a short clip of it at the bottom. Anyways, this playlist includes what I consider the best of her work and music that’s gotten me through some of my toughest times or has uplifted me in some way. I hope y’all enjoy it:
the day that Red(Taylor’s Version) came out
Anti-Hero Blank Space Begin Again All Too Well (The 10 Minute Version) Karma Enchanted My Tears Ricochet Death By a Thousand Cuts Dress Vigilante Shit Right Where You Left Me Delicate Better Than Revenge The Lakes Afterglow The 1 Long Story Short Mastermind Closure Maroon The Way I Loved You This Love Call It What You Want Champagne Problems I Bet You Think About Me Hoax Midnight Rain Back to December Clean Mad Woman This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Style Bejeweled
Below is a link to my Taylor Swift spotify playlist for your listening pleasure:
Below is a short video I made of the Taylor Swift Party I went to in November, it was so much fun! I love how I’m just exuding happiness and joy in this video, it’s a complete turnaround from who I was last year:
I never said I was a singer but I was tipsy and having the time of my life…lol
This is my response to prompt #16: Your favorite household chore
it’s always your responsibility
Springtime is here, it’s my favorite time of the year I blast out music from Alexa and start de-cluttering Anais Nin books I’ll never read go into the donation box her life no longer inspires me Dresses and outfits I wore to my trauma are packed in a suitcase destined for Lima Dozens of therapy sheets are recycled I finally found calm and serenity Springtime is here and it’s to get rid of everything that no longer fits this new version of me
Patience eludes me I want to run and jump to the next chapter of my life the chapter where I’m the victor and not the victim the chapter where I’m a winner and not a failure but I need to appreciate the journey and accept that the bumps along the way Help me savor the next chapter full of victories and maybe even love Patience is a necessary virtue for the growth and progress necessary for the next chapter
This was my response to prompt #21: Advice you’d give to someone else your age
shine brightly my friends
Don’t wait until you’re the perfect weight, or you’re satisfied professionally, or you’re swimming in wealth learn to love yourself now, find meaning within to be happy, fall in love with your life and take dozens and dozens of photos of your newfound joy don’t let someone’s else energy interfere remember you are the one who determines your destiny it’s up to you to not waste it
The 10th year of blogging brought a lot of progress and growth in my life. As I write this, I’m excited to say that I’m in a really good place in my life. I’m proud that I’ve been consistent in posting content on almost a daily basis and have continued to challenge myself as a writer and content creator. When I have asked people what they think about the blog, they tell me “it’s honest” and “you really don’t hold back”. Some people don’t believe that everything I share is the truth because it’s so crazy. Well, sometimes my life does feel stranger than fiction. But, at least I’m never bored, right? One thing I started to do this year is translate all of my poetry whether the original poem was in Spanish or English. One of my favorite poems I translated is this one:
I’ve also revised a lot of my old poems. This year, I’ve also grown a lot as a writer. In a few months, I can finally say I’m a published author. I will share the links to those books as they come out.
I can also say that I’m a much different person than the person who wrote this blog post this time last year:
I’ve let go a lot of the anger, shame, and guilt I felt from my trauma. It was a combination of therapy, a new level of introspection, and having a new appreciation for my life. I think last year when I restarted this blog, I was alternating between a state of anger, grief, and mania. I wanted to be as honest as I could be and I gave no fucks about the opinions of others. Also, as I was revisiting some of my older poems, it brought up trauma and well the anger came out in full force . I was also trying to find who I was beneath all of these years of unprocessed trauma. Add all this to the fact that I changed to hormonal birth control that made me even more angry and it was like a hurricane of emotions I tried to surf but sometimes couldn’t control.
I’m still going to continue telling my story but I’m skipping to December of 2021. There was a lot of poetry and stories I wrote from 2018 to November of 2021 and some of it I have shared on this blog already. The time frame I’m skipping is also the period of time when my BPD was at its worst and to put it mildly, I was an emotional train wreck. Sharing that version of me doesn’t feel right to me at this time. Also, I think that from December of 2021 to now is when my real recovery from BPD started and I wrote poetry on an almost daily basis.It’s going to be a challenge deciding which poems are going to end up on this blog. As I go through this recovery journey from my BPD, I’m understanding that I can still process and honor my trauma without having to share it on this blog or social media.
The direction of the blog is also going to move towards collaborations with other content creators, writers, and guest bloggers. So if you have a story, opinion piece, an essay, or poem you want to share with the world, feel free to contact me. I’m open to most topics. Also, you can use a pseudonym or be completely anonymous. I invite you to share your passion or anger or whatever message you want to send out there to the world through my blog! The cringier and more emotional, the better. Lol. Below is link to my contact info:
Lastly, thank you to all of my followers and everyone who reads, takes the time to read, and like my brand of crazy. I’m humbled every time I get a comment or a like on one of my posts. The fact that this blog has grown exponentially from 17 followers in July of 2021. This means I’m doing something right. Thank you for allowing me to have this platform to be my most vulnerable, craziest, saltiest, and authentic self.
Excited about what the 11th year of Blogging will bring
This is my response to prompt #10: One thing you could not give up
Don’t ask me to give up writing….EVER
You might as well do radical lobotomy before you make me give up writing You’d be asking me to give up one of the things I most love– my creativity with poetry and prose brings me purpose and meaning on my good days and helps me stay alive on my bad days so if you ever ask me to give up my paper and pen Understand you’d be asking for my slow death
This is my response to prompt #8:An event that turned out differently than planned
Don’t Let the Light Go Out by Panic!At the Disco—this song always makes me think of my starter husband 💔😪
We were an odd couple to start out with- a generation apart-only 9 years younger than my dad but we still fell in love and made it work for several years eventually exchanged vows and rings,raised 3 beautiful kids but we always knew we weren’t meant to be each other’s forever at this realization-I went crazy and tried to find a new love story but no one could stand me for long or treated me like a secret and when all of them left, I took comfort in our friendship understanding I needed to give respect until our legal ending Without regrets and resentment in our unconventional love story I’ll always love you, you will always my family
At 40, I feel like the ultimate Queen after losing layers and layers of my princess skin The broken princess I had to beat to finally feel enough and complete Friends and men full of duplicity Have no place in my world of authenticity I no longer wear my crown of guilt and shame It caused me too much emotional pain Instead I wear a crown of confidence and power being true to myself is my superpower Fuck anyone who thinks I’m too much or not enough You assholes were never deserving of my love I am the ultimate Queen and I’m finally making myself seen
I wrote this in December 2018 when my husband forgot our 8 year anniversary. Iguess I was a little salty and kind of still processing the breakup of our marriage.
December 9, 2010
He forgot our 8 year anniversary I didn’t remind him because it didn’t really matter. Hopefully, this time next year, we will be divorced. There was no use in feeling sad or spilling tears Over something that would end soon. There was no use in feeling devastated over Something that never should have happened. Vows that should never have been taken. Promises of love that were doomed from the beginning. Empty words that were never believed in. 8 years of marriage; an institution we thought would bind us for eternal life. So that maybe the sting of resentment and neglect wouldn’t break us apart. He forgot our 8 year anniversary Just like he forgot all of his promises to “Try harder” or “to change” So I wouldn’t leave. He forgot our 8 year anniversary. And it’s fine. You don’t celebrate something That is already dead.
This was my response to prompt #19: One thing you’d like to see
Quote from the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”
I try to write about something positive I want to see but today, I don’t have it in me instead, I want to blast out my rage in verse I try to change this narrative, but after many attempts, I fail so today I’m going to accept how sometimes I’m a petty bitch I can’t always be the bigger person there’s some people I’ll never forgive And when I think of them, petty thoughts come up I hope Karma gets them and they suffer like I did
This is my response to prompt #6: An important person in your life
A Beautiful Autumn Afternoon in Georgia
I find God everywhere lately in the autumn wind that blows leaves whimsically in lyrics that evokes intense emotions in me in the excitement I feel every morning in my newfound peace and serenity God is a whisper always reminding me life is worth living if I keep trying, if I keep going
This is my response to prompt #5: Something you know something a lot
where is my honorary degree tho?
Where is my honorary degree in my BPD recovery ? I’ve read more books than I’ve cared to- I’ve acknowledged more toxic patterns than I wanted to- And I’m almost an expert at DBT But I still have days when I think it’s all bullshit I still have times I miss the chaos in my life so I know I still have a long way to go in this journey and it’s needed to fulfill my potential I need to let go of anything that caused me harm and say goodbye to who I once was Thanks to this recovery journey I’m self aware, I’m full of self compassion, I’m going to become the best version of myself
Maybe I was too harsh with my words Frustrated with rejection and abandonment I was filled with anger and resentment that needed to bleed on paper Maybe I’ve been too much of a critic Cutting you down with petty words and insults Perhaps I was projecting my own insecurities Maybe I should have taken some of the blame of your unexpected departures I know I’m not an easy woman to be with often times I’m too emotional and needy And maybe, just maybe I forgive all of you and me We were all trying our best to love and be loved And sometimes even our best isn’t enough
This was my response to prompt #3: Three good things
I don’t know how I’d cope without these three things
Coffee, music, and books are what I need to get through the dreariest of days Coffee to wake me up from my somber mood Music to feel every single feeling in my body and maybe try to dance them all out Books to calm down my most intrusive of thoughts Coffee,music, and books are what I need to make myself shiny again
Life on the BPD 