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Poetry: Countries

I wrote this poem in 2016 when I was reflecting on how different my children were. At the time, my middle son was going through a difficult time and it was hard to deal with.

my 3 sons in July of 2021

Living with my three children

Is like living in three different countries

My oldest would be Singapore

With strict rules and laws, 

He hates flaws in himself 

And others and is unforgiving

It’s challenging to live in 

Singapore

My middle child would be a war torn ridden country 

Like Syria

That’s currently filled with constant chaos,

He is trying to find himself in a place 

He feels unwanted and lost

It is an unpredictable struggle

To reside in Syria

My youngest child would 

Be an established and friendly country like Spain

He is vibrant, laid back yet energetic 

Occasionally you hear about political protests 

That reminds me of his occasional tantrums when

His life feels unjust

It is almost a predictable and easy existence to 

Live in Spain 

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Poesia: Mi Deseo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/

Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa

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Poesia: A Lo Mejor

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/08/poetry-maybe/

he caído en un abismo de tristeza
descubriendo que tu eras otro infeliz
que me usastes para tu placer carnal
fui ciega al pensar que me querías de verdad
fui una inútil enamorandome de ti
es mejor que ya pare
jugando este juego de amor

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Poetry: A Song to My Lover

I wrote this in 2015 inspired by a situation I was going through.

me around the time I wrote this poem

A Song to My Lover

Songs are written about people like us
Good songs and bad songs,
r&b songs, pop songs,
and of course country songs
Songs that try to capture
the complexity of infidelity
Most of them try to capture the guilt
and the grief
Some of them capture the romantic notion
Of secret meetings, stolen kisses
And the excitement
But there doesn’t seem to be
A particular song for us…
Could a song really capture something
so profound and beautiful ?
Something tainted by the reality
of our situation
Being with my husband is a commitment
I made
It’s an everyday task, not for the faint of heart
Being with you is easy
It’s refreshing not having to try so hard to make
sweet reality work
It’s amazing that you know what to do
to make me feel wanted
And my poor husband still hasn’t got a clue
It’s refreshing that when you are with me,
You see a person, a lover
and not just a wife and mother
These are things neve appear in songs
because our truth is an alternate universe
of the complexities of finding contentment
from someone else at the wrong time

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Poesia: Porque?

For the English version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/15/poetry-why-did-you/

Porque me demore tanto tiempo
en descubrir que tu eras
otra cancion estupida
Porque tuvistes que ser una basura
y dejarme con un sabor amargo en mi boca
Porque me creí en tu actuación de hombre bueno
Porque causastes una herida tan severa en mi corazón
Estoy harta de este infierno de tristeza
Porque te apareciste en mi vida
solo para arruinarmela

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Poetry: Shadows

I wrote this poem sometime around 2014 or 2015. I was feeling nostalgic about a former flame I had been obsessed with. This tends to happen a lot with me. Letting go of my past is hard at times.

me in 2015 around the time I wrote this poem

Shadows of my past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go

Time has passed 

I am older

Harsh experiences 

Have made my cynical

And embrace 

My mediocrity

But still 

Shadows of the past

Envelop my future

Everywhere i go

I’m happy that you found 

Your idyllic happiness 

With someone else 

And living the life

You always wanted 

But shadows of our past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go 

I love my children

I love my spouse

But for one more moment

Of us

I would leave them

And everything else behind

Shadows of our past

Envelops my future

Everywhere I go 

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Poesia: Mandado del Infierno

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/09/poetry-hell-sent/

Debi seguido mi intuición
cuando sentí que me mentías
Cuando me decías que estabas trabajando
En realidad, estabas follando
Debí irme de tu vida
la primera vez que me mentiste
pero quería creer en tu cuento de hadas
ahora siento un alivio profundo desde que terminamos
porque tu fuistes mandado del infierno

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Poetry: Silence

I wrote this 2013 about my husband.

silence kills

Silence, awkward silence is what was left after everything they needed to say was said

 It was the same fight over and over again.

Old wounds were brought to the surface and reopened. 

She blamed him for derailing her ambitions

 and he blamed her for derailing the productive and selfish life he once led. 

They both couldn’t see that they were both at fault

 for not continuing to push each other to flourish

 but instead they fell into a complacent spell 

And a pattern of a comfortable 

and the fruitless routine of suburban life.

 And the years went on and they had nothing to show for it 

except debt and wrinkles they both inflicted upon themselves. 

And the years went on and all that was left 

was regret for her for the things that she didn’t get to experien

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Poesia: Otro Mas

For the English Version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/19/poetry-i-thought/

Fuistes otro amor falso
otro lleno de perfidio
pretendiendo tener buenas intenciones
me causaste una desconfianza profunda

Espinas de odio crecieron en mi
aprendiendo que era otra falda más
fue una verdad difícil de tragar
Ahora gritaré todo mi miseria y rencor

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Poetry: Joe Goldberg

I wrote this poem in January of this year for a DBT exercise about being creative.

Me and Joe

My love for Joe Goldberg is for real

even if he is a psycho serial killer

he might kill me but won’t abandon me

or break up with me

My love for Joe Goldberg is  healthy and lovely

It brings a calm and serenity like no other 

My love for Joe Goldberg makes me understand

Myself better

I’m like him,  in love with love

My love for Joe Goldberg is the only one I want 

for now

I’d rather deal with a fictional crazy Joe

rather than a real life asshole

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Poesia: No Quiero Quejarme

For the English version of the poem, click on the link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/08/04/poetry-i-hate-to-whine/

No quiero quejarme

pero desperdiciaste mi tiempo

no pensé que fueras otro canalla

o que me dejarías con un hueco tan profundo

Es un dolor constante y tremendo

tu cara manipuladora está grabada en mi mente

No quiero quejarme

pero estaba buscando una señal

que tu eras mi alma gemela

Y  no otra persona que me llenaría con odio

Que tu eras el hombre de mis sueños

No otro hombre que rompería mi cordura

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Poetry: Rejection

I wrote this in 2009 about Brad.

sometimes all you can do is laugh

Rejection
Is an interruption
Of the infatuation
I felt towards you

Rejection
Is a profound sadness
With a river of tears
That flows down my cheeks

Rejection
Is a broken promise
You made
That breaks my heart
Along with the rest of me

Rejection
Is the start of learning
Who you are
Behind the facade
Of infatuation

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Poesia: Orgullo

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/30/poetry-pride/

Nunca sabrás del dolor
Que sentí por tu abandono
nunca veras
las lagrimas que llore por ti
nunca descubrirás
como me llenaste con agonía

Porque soy demasiado orgullosa
para admitir que fui una babosa
Por que tengo demasiada dignidad
para estar llena de miseria por tu culpa
Por tengo demasiado respeto
Para convertirme en un desastre

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Poem: Depression

I wrote in December of 2012 when I was amidst a great depression.

So true-Life is hard

Recognizing the triggers of 

My depression is one of 

The hardest things I have to do

It’s when I’m silent

Wishing all the bad things 

Would go away

It’s when I stop listening 

To music 

It’s when I struggle 

To open my eyes 

And face another dreadful day

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Poesia: Lo Siento Por Ti

Here is the English Version of this poem:

Poetry: So You

Lo siento por ti
piensas que has ganado
pero serás otra mujer usada
crees que te ama
pero es una de sus mentiras
piensas que el es tu príncipe azul
pero tu dignidad parara en el suelo
tienes un canalla y mentiroso a tu lado
que te dejará con un mal sabor en tu boca
no digo esto porque te tengo envidia
es una advertencia
para que no acabes como mi
otra de sus muchas mujeres
que el trate como una muñeca de trapo