Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Todo Sobre Mi Madre
Roma
All About A Boy
La Historia Oficial
Sylvia
Mujeres Al Borde De de un Ataque de Nervios
Annie Hall
Frida
Fools Rush In
Top Ten Movies
poesia: solita y borracha
Here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Drunk and Blue
Solita y borracha llorando de nuevo por un hombre
que se burlo de mi dignidad
Solita y borracha, te conoci y me deje llevar
por la química y tu carisma
solita y borracha contigo quería olvidarme al otra
y por algunas horas pudo hacerlo
Solita y borracha prometiste llamarme pero no más
fue una promesa sin substancia
solita y borracha de nuevo estoy pero esta vez con ira con mi misma
por siempre repetir el mismo cuento por no saber valorarme
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goal setting
I plan my goals according to what I want to achieve and what will bring fulfillment and joy to my life. I keep a google doc of lifetime goals with lofty goals like owning property in the U.S and Peru and traveling to all 7 continents. Here’s a preview of it:
Get published in more online or print publications
I will get a translation certification from Arizona University
My Spanish will be more fluent than ever
I will go to Oxapampa-4/2/2023 (goal accomplished, yay ME!)
Travel to Asia
Own property in Peru (preferably in Oxapampa -a house with farmland)
Travel to Mexico (Frida Kahlo’s house)
Go to Montgomery, Alabama-Zelda Fitzgerald’s house
I also have a short term goal list I make every year but also continue to revise them every time I start a new journal. Here’s a preview of it:
- Improve on my craft
- Improve my credit score
- Budget way better (no take out, no amazon, no impulsive spending)
- Limit drinking alcohol
- Get a better second job or get a first job that pays me way more
- Don’t get on stupid dating apps until after July 15th 2023-still not on any of them, yay me!
- Don’t date -killing it by living a chaste life -8/18/2023
I want to add that I’m very intentional with my goals and when I start to feel stuck or stagnated in my life, I will revisit them and see which goals I’ve achieved and making progress on and which ones I need to work on. I think that having goals have given my life purpose and keeps me moving forward. Some years have harder than others to set goal, I remember in 2019 I had two goals: survive 2019, have more compassion for myself. So really, it doesn’t matter how many goals you have or what kind of goals they are, the only thing that matters is that they help you evolve and bring fulfillment to your life.
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Poetry: Joe, the Hero
I wrote this poem in August of 2022.
I love her and she will be mine-
because i know what’s good for her
because she needs me in her life
as she’s a complete mess
and I can save her I can fix her
I can be her hero
her confidant, her eternal lover
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narcissist
no, Susan or Ken, your ex wasn’t a narcissist, they just got tired of your bullshit. honestly, though, we need to stop arm chair diagnosing people with this word. it’s turning into a “catch all term” to make us feel better about ourselves when a relationship ends or we have a fallout with someone. I’ve been accused of it and I’ve accused others of it and it just made things worse. So, yeah, let’s stop using the word “narcissist” unless we are a legit mental health professional or we know for sure that person has been diagnosed as a narcissist.
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tranquility
when the world gets to be too much
I block, I delete, I ignore
I don’t want to waste my precious energy and time
on anything that drains me, that robs me of my peace
I’ve fought too hard to get to a place of serenity
and I can’t allow anyone or anything
to ruin my newfound reality of tranquility
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poesia: encadenada
Here’s the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Bad Place
encadenada en mis pensamientos oscuros que luchó de escapar
pero no hay remedio para esta depresión hincada en mi
que me cubre con una niebla de incertidumbre
no me deja en paz, no me deja vivir
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Poetry: Recovery
I wrote this poem in August of 2022.
Insecurities and anxiety from my immigrant childhood
Come out to play and my adult self wants to run away
I thought I was healed from this
I hate these triggers—but I still confront them even if I don’t want to
I cry and write about them, reprocess something not quite healed
Am I on the way to my recovery from BPD?
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Poesia: Amigo Mio
Here’s the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: Company
Querido amigo, ¿por qué quieres que pase la noche contigo?
¿Será porque quieres usar mi cuerpo para que cubra tu soledad?
¿Será porque estás triste por el rechazo de aquella?
lo siento, pero me tengo que ir
no me prestaré para ser uno de tus antojos temporáneos
porque tu no sabes como enfrentar tus sentimientos
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poesia: Queridisimo Brad
here is the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Dear Brad
Queridisimo Brad-
lo siento por no dejar que me lleves a tu cama
y que me uses como te dé la gana
es que aprendi mi leccion
y ahora entendió que soy un tesoro
que no puede gastar su energía
en alguien que no mas me quiere
por un ratito y despues se va
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poesia: me vale madre
here is the English version of this poem:
Poetry: Caught Between
entreverada entre dos mundos en oposición
perdió mi lenguaje y los pocos recuerdo de mi patria
y sigo siendo una extranjera en mi patria adoptiva
y nunca aceptada-
me siento rechazada y sin una identidad
trato de encajar en dos culturas que me acusan
de nunca ser suficiente
y vivo un conflicto internal
y un dia me harto y digo me vale madre
lo que los peruanos y americanos digan o piensen de mi
la unica opinion que vale, que importa es la mía
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Poetry: Did You?
I wrote this poem in August of 2022.
did you drink your water today?
did you remind yourself you’re worthy of love?
did you understand you were always enough?
will you repeat after me-
I won’t run away from or suppress my feelings
I need to face my emotions head on
or else I’ll break down
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poetry: like clockwork
aqui esta la version en espanol:
Poesia: Falsa Esperanza
you were my hope in love restored
everything I had dreamed of
everything I had wished for
and it was nice for a while-
getting lost in our love
thinking it was safe,
thinking it could be my permanent sanctuary
until one day like clockwork
you changed your mind and decided I wasn’t enough
and I was left wondering “what the fuck is wrong with me?”
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writing
The door of creativity has opened for me and there’s no going back-
Writing has become my new obsession-
with it I let out years of my pent up frustration and rage
I don’t even understand having a constant need to write
every single thing
my writer’s block is now a distant memory
as my pen lets out all of my life’s stories of sorrow and joy
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Poetry: 5 AM
I wrote this poem in August of 2022.
At 5 am, I woke up and wrote a 4 page poem
about how I wasn’t enough and proceeded to crash my car
and my therapist asked if I wanted to die-
And I was like “nah, I just couldn’t reign my impulsivity in”
at least this time I got control of the car and didn’t fuck
anyone else up
