look at that Goddess, very awkward, very full of herself
gratitude taste like mamiβs sopa de pollo gratitude smells like my loverβs cologne gratitude feels like a warm hug from my son gratitude sounds like my sisterβs car in my driveway gratitude looks like me looking at the Goddess in the mirror
sometimes I feel like I invade places Iβm not meant to be in I feel too immigrant, too loud, too intense, too othered but then I remember, Iβm not doing this just for me Iβm doing this for all of the version before me who couldnβt have ever imagined taking up spaces in places that felt foreign to her
I longed and longed and longed to feel whole until I planted my feet on the soil I was born on until I breathed the air my parents and ancestors inhaled until I tasted flavors from almost a lifetime ago I longed and longed and longed to feel whole until I returned to my homeland and it was the piece of the puzzle found I needed to finally complete me
Lukewarm response as I suggest coming to see you and my gut tells me something is amiss telling me you miss me but dodge an opportunity to see me Canβt say why or make plans to see me and I change my relationship status to single confused, frustrated not understanding how I got here almost begging another man for crumbs of affection for the bare minimum
mami cocoons me in her warmth, holds me carefully so I donβt break Iβm her porcelain baby doll she nurses me back to health with devotion and dedication Iβm a gift from the heavens- an unexpected surprise sent to complete our family and she doesnβt care if I came slightly damaged
the gaslighting, the love bombing, the disappearing werenβt the worst of your crimes but together they added up to a mountain of trauma It was the mt.everest of traumatic experiences constantly making me wonder about the karmic debt I was paying making me wonder why I kept you in my life allowed you to take up space in my mind and poems sometimes I think I kept you solely for the fountain of inspiration you drew out of me
without a care in the world-we danced in the rain enjoying the last vestiges of childhood feeling the wet ground against our feet stomping and laughing and enjoying the miracle of this moment as it rained in paradise
Iβm an expert at navigating the gray and vague trying to romanticize and make fires out of the smallest of sparks deluding myself into thinking if I stick around long enough Heβll realize Iβm the one
I long to run free in a world free from prejudice and pride I long to run free in a world free from judgment and ignorance I long to run free in a world that accepts people like me I long to run free in a world where Iβm not hypervigilant about toning myself down
karma bit me and now Iβm paying for all of my emotional crimes now Iβm met with silence and indifference and I go and examine what was the final straw which post led you over the ledge from friendship to being acquaintances once again
me and my cousins followed in our abuelas footsteps having kids out of wedlock with men who abandoned us and becoming the other woman and God bless our parents for trying to break this unhealthy cycles but Gabrielaβs blood is too strong for any of us to fight off properly so at some point as we come into adulthood we search for love in the wrong places like her, become pick mes and suffer the consequences of our actions
I wrote this in September of 2019 after I read somewhere about some politician making fun of AOC for doing the “Latina Thing”. It annoyed the fuck out of me.
Edit: I revised this poem heavily in 2025 when I performed it in open mic. Here’s a link to that performance
what I think of the haters
make fun of our accents,make fun of our names- call us feisty, caliente, spicy. too loud, too sexy try to bully us into silence try to put us down with racist and ignorant insults try to stereotype us- try to make us feel less than try to kill us- but understand that we’re here to stay, and weβre not letting anyone get in our way donβt you know that weβre descendents of Mayan, Aztec, and Incan Kings and Queens and survival and resilience is embedded in our DNA y estamos aquΓ para quedarnos para siempre
Sometimes the poem just writes itself without asking me what I want the rage, the grief,over what this world is becoming seeps out of my pen and stains the paper I wanted to write a love poem on
he came for my people followed the rhetoric of our hate fueled president men, women, children killed in cold blood because they were the wrong race, the wrong color spoke the wrong language he came for βUSβ the so-called invaders him at just 21 years old filled with hatred from head to toe brainwashed by white supremacy twenty two lives taken as a consequence of a monstrous ideology twenty two families who will forever grieve and mourn the neverending sorrow loss of their loved ones taken too soon twenty two families with an infinity of questions and no real answers and as usual the useless thoughts and prayers come, and the law makers are the worst, making empty promises to fight this American epidemic but after a few days, they will forget like everyone else itβs no longer a question of why this happened ttβs become a question of when will be the next time
september , september, september please be calmer, please be kinder please bring an air of prosperity so I can dig myself out of the financial hole Iβve found myself in please allow me some time to breathe, rest, and reset