drama always finds me and I donβt know why that is even as I try to keep my head low and walk around humble I still get caught up in telenovela moments i never ask to be a part of and the best I can do is make poetry out of it
some storms are worth the rainbows that come after them like the first steps taken after an invasive and life changing surgery like the victory dinner after the termination of a marriage that never should have happened like the first drive alone after beating a 15 year driving phobia like the child graduating at the top 10 percent of his class even though the odds were stacked against him like the rainbow child born after enduring the nightmare of losing one like still being here and writing a poem about storms and rainbows even though many times youβve been tempted by thanatos whispers to end it some storms are worth the rainbows that come after them because rainbows are hope, magic, and joy that make a life worth living
saliva drips from my month as a gentle desire overtakes me tacos de carne asada with onions and cilantro in front of me he knew exactly how to start melting the jaded and bitter bitch in me he knew how to lure out the romantic in me whoβs terrified to start anew and while to some it may seem like a simple gesture he knew that to me it meant everything
I keep trying to write my next chapter of love and find my next ex but this time itβs difficult and tricky since Iβm not desperate, Iβm not crazy and I have standards and I donβt automatically swipe right on 10 out of 10 face card, I really observe where they stand on important issues like will they make the main and only romantic protagonist in their life? will they fetichize me like Iβm some cute, sexy, and exotic little thing? are they the kind of person to cheer if anyone in my family gets deported so many things to ponder about as I try to find my next ex perhaps, Iβm overthinking this and should try to not be so picky then again, I know how quickly the romantic in me cling to someone the minute I feel chemistry, the minute they feel like home to me only for me to break apart catastrophically when it all comes crashing down nah, I canβt let that happen ever again so this time around, itβs best to be strategic and think logically to myself rule with my head instead of my heart
Sharks from the screen come alive and devour my heart i lose all sense of time and place who am i? where am i? Is this a nightmare? everything become nonsense in between of another before and AFTER!
horace and betty flaunt 77 years of matrimony on the front page of the local newspaper and Iβm both awestruck and jealous at their achievement because I couldnβt even get past year 11 of my marriage because now I canβt even get past a talking stage on any of the dating apps because I canβt imagine the kind of saintly patience, understanding and loyalty required for that kind of commitment
horace and betty flaunt 77 years of matrimony on the front page of the local newspaper and I wonder the fuck they did it what was the magic key to unlock both their doors to a lifetime of shared love,respect and vulnerability
Downloaded hinge to become unhinged the fountain of inspiration was waning and I needed a dose of new character energy even if some of those characters are icky and shady even if some of those characters annoy me I canβt keep writing about the same old repetitive stories reheating old trauma for the purpose of making art after a while, it gets exhausting after a while, it makes no sense since Iβve forgiven them all and honestly, I canβt do another 4 years of Trump Celibate and devoid of any romantic energy
my teenager gives my dating advice, at 13, he thinks he knows everything after watching an unhealthy amount of romantic animes and getting his first girlfriend says romance should be a slow burn donβt hold hands until the twentieth date and donβt think about the benefits of the men Iβm dating Concentrate on what my heart is feeling and I donβt know if I should be offended or impressed but then again at 44, I am the one divorced with a trail of several trainwrecks relationships left behind maybe I should take his words of wisdom seriously
mami didnβt know the door she opened when she gave me Becquer”s Rhyme XXX thought I would just take solace in the spanish poets words about heartbreak and move on mami had no idea how that poem was a gateway to inspiration for me to write my first poem at 15 and keep writing them 30 years later
I blame my ADD, Mami and hypersensitivity for my poetic tendencies I never had the attention span or time to learn to play an instrument or paint instead at 15, I learned to write poems out of the shards in my heart left from a breakup after reading Becquer, and ever since then Itβs been an ongoing love affair with poetry one that is a refuge from the outside world, one that has been therapeutic when I felt the sky fall on me many times and while on most days I still suffer from imposter syndrome and donβt consider myself a real poet I donβt and wonβt ever let that deter me from processing the wonderful, terrible, and crazy things in my life through poetry
tower records at 14, the beginning of my double life the one where I went strange boys and smoked cigarette with them the beginning of a mental illness I wouldnβt get diagnosed with almost 30 years later
the nuns and mami started into obedience and I reverted into a world of silence And everyone praised mami about what a good little girl I was and no one thought much about this until my parents demanded answers for the rebellious streak in my teens couldnβt understand the numerous absences, the subpar performance in school, why I sulked in my bedroom for hours on ended, the disrespect from my mouth as I stood up for myself, they wondered where their sweet and quiet princess went all the while they should have looked back 6 or 7 years ago when they indoctrinated me to hold it all in or else they wouldnβt love me should have known one day Iβd rebel and explode as I was finding my spirit, my voice once again after it had been buried under layers of good behavior
I am a witch and sometimes a bitch if youβre lucky Youβll see the sweet side of me where I’m your real life magical wet dream come true If youβre unlucky, youβll meet the BPD me the worst bitch youβll regret meeting in your entire life because if you treat me badly, Iβll make sure youβre laugh at when I read a poem about you at open mic