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Poesía: Ese

Escribí este poema en el 2006 cuando me obsesione con unos de mis compañeros de la universidad.

Esa mirada

El hombre con esos intensos ojos negros me tiene embrujada.
Me siento viva cuando me mira, me siento sensual cuando me habla.
Cuántas veces he tratado de no gritar todo lo que me hace sentir.
Algo pasó hoy
Una atracción que siento por él que no se pudo callar.
Me encanta su voz, su piel, y su manera de hablar sin cuidado.
Pero esto es otra de mis ilusiones románticas sin realidad.

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Poetry: Free

I wrote this in 2006 when I was frustrated and fantasized about leaving my husband.

deserving better

What if I don’t think?
About our precious link
And decide to go
Without letting you know
And let you wake up
Free of our never ending rut

What if I don’t feel your love
And am no longer good enough
And continue to fight for us
And leaving you becomes a must

What if I choose to be free
and leave you abruptly
and live my life without you
because I finally learned my value

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Poetry: Lame

This is another poem about the bio dad of my oldest son. Obviously I had a lot of anger directed at him that I should have gone to therapy for but instead I just wrote a lot of angry poetry. Ha.

me and my oldest son in 2006

You don’t know him and chances are 

 You never will

You could’ve been somebody real in his life

But you BLEW IT! 

So now is the time to say 

Goodbye forever. 

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Poesía: Otro Idiota Mas

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/08/30/poetry-another-pathetic-guy/

se necesita aguantar bastante mierda

escribo otro poema patético
acerca de otra idiota mas
no estaba impresionada
desde la primera conversación
con lo pretencioso que eras
pero todavía decidí en darte
una oportunidad
nunca pensé que me harías
sentir como una ignorante
Nunca sentí tanta repulsión
contra un hombre
Nunca habrá un futuro
entre los dos

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Poetry: Caught Between

I wrote this 2001 when I took a break from writing angry breakup poetry-lol. As an immigrant that grew up here, I’ve struggled with my identity for most of my life. Issues with identity are also another trait of BPD. I think this was a time in my life when I was especially reflecting on this part of my identity because I was become aware that men were fetishizing me.

me in 2001 around the time I wrote this poem

Caught between two worlds
what am I made up of more
hopefully I won’t ever have to choose
sometimes I wish to just cut loose

Too Latina for the American side
Too Americanizada for the Latino side
So what is the politically correct term for someone like me?
Not American, not born here
Not fully Latina either
for I lack that latin allure

So I’ll call myself one of a kind
a girl with much Latin beauty and an American mind
like a delicious half and half cream
whose taste is an amazing mixed dream