I wrote this in December of 2002. Towards the end of the year, I was depressed abotu dating and romance. I hated feeling like I was always just used for fun, objectified, and then discarded like trash. .
exactly
Now that I know That between us Can me nothing more Than a story of pure lust I feel so dumb And wonder once again If it’s possible to go numb From all of the jerks that are so damn lame You fucking jerks that don’t want to see past Me being a great piece of ass And I ask myself these questions What does it take for someone like me? To find someone that will make me happy To find someone who doesn’t use me just for fun But maybe it’s okay Maybe this is just my fate
I wrote this in 2002 about my former friend Brad. He was the type of “friend” that kept trying to sleep with him and I tried to have boundaries with him. I guess I should have seen the red flags then.
Growth begins by choosing yourself
My dear friend Why do you want to stay with me tonight? Is it because you’re lonely? Or is it because you’re sad? Or maybe you just crave the company of my warm body Sorry but I can’t allow it Because I’m selfish And want to keep memories of you pure and free of any sexual intimacy
Poetry is and always has been a big part of my life. Poetry is everywhere . Poetry is in the lyrics I sing, it’s in the love I make, it’s in the beauty of nature, and even in the grief I feel. Since as long as I can remember, I’ve used poetry to process my feelings.
At first, it was me finding comfort in song lyrics when sadness or anxiety hit me even as a young child. I remember being 5 and belting out the heartbreaking lyrics to Juan Gabriel’s song “Querida: or the romantic lyrics Daniela Romo’s “De Mi Enamorate”. When I came to the United States in the 80s, I learned English at school but also through song lyrics. I remember at 6 or 7 singing the lyrics toGeorge Michael’s “Careless Whisper” or Rick Astley’s “Together Forever”. Around 6th grade when I started getting crushes on boys that never gave me the time of day, I would alternate between being angry and singing salty songs like “Someday” by Mariah Carey or singing and crying to Boyz II Men’s “End of The Road”. Yes, I’ve been super dramatic and emotional since I can remember. Haha.
Here is a short playlist of these songs:
Poetry Feels like
And then came the age of the internet when poetry became accessible to me with just a few clicks. I remember being ghosted by this ex when I was 15 and finding this poetry forum with poems full of teenage angst, anger and sadness. It was incredible to me that there were other people feeling how I felt. Yes, some of these poems could be called cringy and corny – but it got me through what I thought was the worst heartbreak I was experiencing at that time. Here are a few of those poems
I Want to Know by Cammi ThornRide by Unknown PoetCheck Please by Unknown Poet
Around this time my mom noticed my new fondness for poetry and introduced me to the love poetry of the Spanish poet Gustavo Becquer and I swooned. This is my favorite poem of his:
Rima XXX by Gustavo Adolfo Becquer
Eventually I started writing poetry to process my feelings and this is one of the first ones I wrote inspired by what else-a breakup. Haha.
Jaded me at 15
In some of my blog posts, I’ve said that I shouldn’t have written poems about so and so and should have gone to therapy; and while that may be true, poetry was also a type of therapy for me. Whether it was writing salty and angry poems or processing feelings of infatuation or existential dread; poetry has been one of the few constants in my life
In my 20s, I discovered Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” and Sylvia’s Plath “To a Jilted Lover” and my love for poetry became even stronger.
Phenomenal Woman by Maya AngelouTo A Jilted Lover by Sylvia Plath
At that time, I also found the courage to join the literary club in college and start reading my own poetry in front of my peers. I call it brave because poets that share their poems, whether it be through open mic night, social media, a blog, or a book are sharing an intimate part of themselves with the world. They’re sharing their vulnerability, their grief, and sometimes even their most private thoughts. It’s brave to do this in a world that shouts at you to “fuck feelings “or tries to tone down the many emotions we as humans feel as we go through this beautiful and complicated thing called life. Sharing your poetry can feeling like opening and inviting the world to your innermost and private thoughts.
For me, poetry is part of how I process life. Sharing my poetry through my blog or at open mic sometimes feels like the last step in healing from trauma. I told my therapist that sharing my poetry through my blog feels cathartic because afterwards it feels like I’m completely done with revisiting a traumatic event. I’ve also received comments from people that they’re related to my poetry because of something similar they’ve felt or have gone through and that’s the other reason I share my poetry. IF even one person can relate to any of my poems and it makes them not feel so alone then I’ve done my job as a poet.
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Estaba tan decepcionada de el. Fue difícil dejarlo ir.
Pero fue lindo
Yo tenía la esperanza Que tu eras el hombre Que yo tanto esperaba Pero después de ver la fea manera que me trataste Ahora me doy cuenta En realidad los que tu piensas Que no mas fui Cualquier otra para ti No fui algo especial Nunca te iba a importar Y ahora me quedo sola Y estas lagrimas que se convierten en un mar
I wrote this poem in December of 2002 cause well dating sucks and it’s still timely. Haha.
2002 was such a rough year for love
I hate playing this stupid game Called dating Trying to decide Which move to make So you can have him at checkmate It’s no longer about falling in love Or even real feelings But it’s about winning So if sit here wanting to hear hisvoice I don’t dare give in to this yearning To want to call him Because then they’ll almost be winning
Escribi este poema en Diciembre del 2002 porque estaba amarga y triste que los hombres siempre me tratan como un juguete.
Asi me siento a veces
Los hombres me miran y yo sé que ven Nada más que ese algo pasajero Que nunca de amor se atrevería hablar Pero ya me canse De la manera que me ven Porque yo soy más que un cuerpo en sus camas Porque yo tengo sentimientos Y quisiera algo verdadero a mi lado Porque ya no quiero ser Nada más que una de sus muchas amantes Porque algún día quisiera tener Un verdadera hombre Que me vea mas allá Que una de sus muchas faldas Y va a querer saber quien soy en realidad Para empezar a amarme!
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de todos los pinches canallas que me han roto el corazón.
un hombre muy sabio
Adiós es todo lo que se puede decir Cuando tu ser mas querido te hace sufrir Aguantarte el derrame de lágrimas Es lo que tienes que hacer Para que el vea Que eres una mujer fuerte Callarte los gritos dolorosos Y no le mirés a sus ojos Y sonreír por más doloroso que sea Para salvar alguna parte de tu dignidad Y para que el vea Que no logró su meta De hacer lo que quiera contigo Que para él no más fuiste un juego Y después cuando él se arrepiente De ser un desgraciado ser Tu le puedes decir por fin Nunca más te deseo cerca de mi
I wrote this in December of 2002 and it wasn’t inspired by any breakups, it might have been inspired by a movie I watched or a book I read.
it’s like that sometimes
I woke up one day To see that you had gone away All you left was a note You could no longer cope With our love mess You had tried your very best To be the man I wanted you to be The one who only cared for me You had only pretended to be true And now you say the time has come You’re sorry it took so damn long All that is left is goodbye You tell me to not even ask why You wish me the best in life One day I’ll make a great wife And with your signature you sign off I hope that someday you’ll find true love
I wrote this about John in 2002 when he ghosted me. I really liked him so I was really sad. Feelings of worthlessness came up and it was hard to not feel so shitty.
exactly
Our love has ended I know There’s nothing more to say To make you stay We were too different, you said I guess I was just too damn naive To think someone like you Could fall in love with an ordinary girl like me
I wrote this in December of 2002. This was written about John before he ghosted me. If you can’t tell already, I have a tendency to idealize the men in my life.
it be like that sometimes
I haven’t felt this way in a while I just get high from talking to you You just drive me so damn wild
You just don’t know How you about kill me When you have to go
Now I couldn’t even imagine Living without your presence You are my most wonderful sin
And I will pray every night That my love you never try to fight
I wrote this about John in 2002 after he ghosted me after taking me to see his mom. His mother didn’t approve of me-an uneducated single mom. It was rough and of course I took it personally. So John fell off my pedestal and it was a long fall.
truth
Perhaps you feel too smart to let someone as ordinary as me into your heart Perhaps you think I’m not good enough to be deserving of your love Perhaps you are only sure I’m just good for pleasure Perhaps you wear a know it all smirk And believe I’m just like any other girl Perhaps you believe in your head I’m only good to warm up your bed But darling I’m sorry to say You won’t get your way Because I respect myself too much To let myself melt with your touch Because I am worth a lot more than any of your trophy whores Because I have an actual mind Without you I’ll be just fine But mostly because I would never fall For someone so extremely false
Escribí este poema en el 2002 acerca de Matt, el padre de mi hijo mayor. Estaba bien amarga y desilusionada con el de nuevo después de que el nos rechazo otra vez mas.
verdad
Un día veras Que no podrás mas Y te arrepentirás De día que decidiste olvidarte De ese niño y esa mujer Quien te pedía que te acuerdes Que duro sera Tendría que explicarle a él Que tu su padre nunca quisiste ser Y Un día pensaras Que error fue dejarlos atrás Y tus lágrimas saldrán Por no poder parar El odio y rencor que él sentirá Y Un día sera muy tarde Para querer ser su papa
I wrote this about Matt in 2002. He stopped contacting me after his visit in November and I was beyond pissed. So I did what I normally did after feeling rejected and abandoned, I devalued him to the point that he became dead to me.
it does
You’ve become dead to me That day, you decided to leave And again decided to forget Everything you had said That you’d try your hardest To give us your best That you’d love to Be there for us on cue That we really are special And pain on us wouldn’t befall But once again, I was wrong You sing the same deadbeat song But thankfully, this time, I was prepared For you to once again fail So don’t ever come back And pretend to be sad Because you’ve become nothing to us When once again, you left us in the dust