I believe in God
because despite of all of my tragedies
despite all of my sadness and despair
despite all of the times I almost gave up
God found me with their faith, with their warmth
God filled me with a new confidence and
with love for myself
and with a sense of purpose I never had before
How do you waste the most time every day?
Consorting with this newfound empowerment is overwhelming and lonely at times
I finally understand that never again do I have to depend on a man for anything-
and I breathe a huge sigh of relief
I no longer use them to determine my worth based on whether any of them
pay attention to me
I no longer use them for validation and no longer make myself small
for their ego
I now determined my own self worth and this is the moment I’ve been waiting for
since the age of 15
What notable things happened today?
Spring, I hope you bring creativity and love
I hope you bring a brand new season of a healthy and calm me
I hope you bring to the forefront my beauty within
I hope you bring a happiness unknown to me
I hope you bring a new sense of serenity
Driving phobia filled me with shame and fear for 15 years
and on a windy October day,I took my power back
that day I learned not to listen to my inner critic
rambling on about my incompetence, feeding into my anxiety
and my constant insecurities
that day I took the keys and drove
and while it was absolutely terrifying
it provided me with the understanding
how I had the power all along
to take the steering wheel of my life
with a new determination and purpose
to never again allow myself or others
make me a passenger again
it had been a role I had long ago outgrown
that I had been afraid to let go of
but that day I said “fuck it, it’s now or never”
and I took a chance on myself
and never felt more empowered
I turn the world off and by the world I mean my phone-
I’m done with the posts about healing or being self aware
or reels about how people like me struggle
because of patriarchy or white supremacy
I’m done with texts and calls from friends and family
asking if I’m okay because of some weird status I posted
I’m done with the announcements about babies
or impending marriages or how so and so’s kid made honor roll
I’m done with emails asking me if I want to improve
my website or am I ready for a new summer wardrobe
I’m just done with the world today and retreat into my world
of writing,reading, and vinyls
I’m used to being the ultimate pushover-
allowing the energy of others to pollute
my energy and take up my time
It was the people pleaser in me who needed to fawn
be easy to get along with and always avoiding conflict,
I’d become the person they’d want me to be,
cutting away pieces of my authenticity-
I’d become easy to digest and swallow
I never valued myself or put myself first
It was learned martyrdom from the women in my family
Internalized misogyny sold to me at a young age
dressed up as selfless acts of love
but I’m done sacrificing myself for others
It’s time to unlearn this toxic way of loving and being
I refuse to pass this down to the next generation
of woman who come after me
I’m here to take up space, roar like a lioness
and pass down a new legacy of self love
that took me 41 years too long to discover
I’m constantly working without any breaks or any hints of rest
because I thrive on being productive
I’m happiest when I’m filled with purpose
and I don’t stop because it keeps me moving forward
it keeps me from not feeling anything
but at what cost?
my hips and knees scream at me
and I’m addicted to energy drinks
my mind tells me to slow down, rest,
and process my emotions
but I’d rather keep hustling, keep moving
rather than to deal with the intensity of my feelings
What does freedom mean to you?
Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.
Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
I still ache inside at times
over past regrets, over past mishaps
it’s when doubt in me starts to rise
And I fear another emotional relapse
but then faith whispers to me
let go of your past and focus on your present
and I float back down to reality
and once again gain confidence
my past and trauma never defined me
it’s part of my heroine’s journey
at times I may have been terrible
but I’ve always taken accountability
at times I’ve felt irreparable
but it’s a false story I told myself
I’ve finally learned how to knock out
those thoughts of how awful I’ve been
I’ve learned the art of compassion and grace
for myself
The creases and wrinkles of my body should make self conscious
because I’m getting older, because I’m getting fatter
but I think the creases and wrinkles of my body
make me the most beautiful version of me
My body proves I live a life with an abundance of food
My body proves I’m still here in middle age making mistakes
and learning from them
Society wants me to believe I don’t hold much value
since I don’t fit their standard of youthful beauty
Well I say fuck society and their standards of beauty
I’m happy and proud to be unconventionally pretty
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
people call me dramatic
because I’m loud and crazy,
because of my salty poetry
and maybe I am dramatic
but I’ll never be sorry about it
or even shame myself for it
what can you expect after
a life full of chaos and drama?
so what if i’m if dramatic
Does it bother you if I don’t
fake subtlety?
or does it bother you
that I live out my authenticity
Life on the BPD 