Words

Me with my boys at my niece’s QuinceΓ±era

Who are your current most favorite people?

My favorite words are my sons names

names that taught me about patience

and unconditional love

names that have made me get up

when I didn’t want to 

names that fill me with faith and hope

when I’m about to lose it

names that make me want to become 

a better person than I was yesterday

names  I live for  

names  I would die for 

7/6/22

reflection

me and my beanie against the world in January of this year
Daily writing prompt
What are you most proud of in your life?

I reflect a lot on who I was, who I am, and who I will be-
and I’ve reach the conclusion that I’m proud of all three versions of me
Constantly fighting my demons no matter how viciously they came after me
Constantly reinventing and rebuilding myself even when the chaotic earthquakes
of life broke me apart
I reflect on the goddess, the beast in me who always refuses to give up
who continues to get and keep going no matter how hard life tries to break me down

1/19/23

Another One

Bpd life be like…

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

trying to avoid self-destruction. I do everything in my coping toolkit
and since nothing works
I just allow myself to feel-allow my inner critic to win for a bit
I can’t keep fighting my negative thoughts –
they need to be heard and acknowledge
my fears who feed my anxiety telling me I’m crazy
and I’ll never be worthy of anyone
and I listen and cry to my bully within
I allow her to keep going until she starts getting tired
and slowly, I shut her out
at least for a while until another depressive spell happens

10/10/22

ride a motorcycle

Daily writing prompt
What could you try for the first time?

Oxapampa, Peru

I’d love to ride a motorcycle for the first time in Oxapampa, Peru. It’s something that used to seem so scary to me but when I saw whole families riding motorcycles in Oxapampa in April on this year, I thought I want to do that. I’m sure I can make this happen on my next trip there.

God’s Love

Daily writing prompt
What motivates you?

I nurture my soil with love and everything that makes me smile
Excitement stirs inside of me thinking of all my untapped potential
and the poems and stories that are yet to be written
The soil I step in is solid and I am grounded and calm
Is this what’s called God’s love?

goal setting

Daily writing prompt
How do you plan your goals?

I plan my goals according to what I want to achieve and what will bring fulfillment and joy to my life. I keep a google doc of lifetime goals with lofty goals like owning property in the U.S and Peru and traveling to all 7 continents. Here’s a preview of it:

Get published in more online or print publications
I will get a translation certification from Arizona University
My Spanish will be more fluent than ever
I will go to Oxapampa-4/2/2023 (goal accomplished, yay ME!)
Travel to Asia
Own property in Peru (preferably in Oxapampa -a house with farmland)
Travel to Mexico (Frida Kahlo’s house)
Go to Montgomery, Alabama-Zelda Fitzgerald’s house

I also have a short term goal list I make every year but also continue to revise them every time I start a new journal. Here’s a preview of it:

  1. Improve on my craft
  2. Improve my credit score
  3. Budget way better (no take out, no amazon, no impulsive spending)
  4. Limit drinking alcohol
  5. Get a better second job or get a first job that pays me way more
  6. Don’t get on stupid dating apps until after July 15th 2023-still not on any of them, yay me!
  7. Don’t date -killing it by living a chaste life -8/18/2023

I want to add that I’m very intentional with my goals and when I start to feel stuck or stagnated in my life, I will revisit them and see which goals I’ve achieved and making progress on and which ones I need to work on. I think that having goals have given my life purpose and keeps me moving forward. Some years have harder than others to set goal, I remember in 2019 I had two goals: survive 2019, have more compassion for myself. So really, it doesn’t matter how many goals you have or what kind of goals they are, the only thing that matters is that they help you evolve and bring fulfillment to your life.

narcissist

but he is my favorite narcissist
Daily writing prompt
What is a word you feel that too many people use?

no, Susan or Ken, your ex wasn’t a narcissist, they just got tired of your bullshit. honestly, though, we need to stop arm chair diagnosing people with this word. it’s turning into a “catch all term” to make us feel better about ourselves when a relationship ends or we have a fallout with someone. I’ve been accused of it and I’ve accused others of it and it just made things worse. So, yeah, let’s stop using the word “narcissist” unless we are a legit mental health professional or we know for sure that person has been diagnosed as a narcissist.

tranquility

Daily writing prompt
What brings you peace?

when the world gets to be too much
I block, I delete, I ignore
I don’t want to waste my precious energy and time
on anything that drains me, that robs me of my peace
I’ve fought too hard to get to a place of serenity
and I can’t allow anyone or anything
to ruin my newfound reality of tranquility

writing

in my happy place
Daily writing prompt
Describe one habit that brings you joy.

The door of creativity has opened for me and there’s no going back-
Writing has become my new obsession-
with it I let out years of my pent up frustration and rage
I don’t even understand having a constant need to write
every single thing
my writer’s block is now a distant memory
as my pen lets out all of my life’s stories of sorrow and joy