I wrote this poem in 2004 when I was depressed because I felt my husband pulling away from me.
I think sometimes
It is better to die
Than to live this big lie
We like to call life
I think sometimes
It is better to escape
Then face
Such an unfair fate
I think sometimes
It is better to have the earth eat you up
Than to have to hurt so much
Over treacherous love
I wrote this in June of 2002 about Ron. It was a rough breakup to say the least. He was definitely justified in his feelings of anger towards and to respond the way he did. While I won’t say whether or not I deserved the 5 scathing emails I received after filled with insults, pain, and hate, I’m glad he did it . Maybe it made him feel better and/or gave him a sense of closure. He wasn’t being crazy, he was being human.
Sorry to have broken your unwavering trust
but I had to get away from us
I never meant to hurt you
But our goodbye was long overdue
One of us had to do it eventually
Unfortunately it had be me
I hope one day you understand
Why our love,from day one was damned
And you’ll finally realize
My choice was really wise
I wrote this in June of 2002 when I was ghosting Ron. I was avoiding his phone calls and emails. I kept procrastinating on breaking up with him,
My dear boyfriend
Sorry for being a bitch
You’ve probably noticed it’s you I ditch
Sorry for being such a coward
And being a big fat liar
Sorry for not giving you the love
you definitely deserved
and never putting you first
Sorry I wasn’t the “one”
And being so wrong
Sorry for waiting to break our ties
And all of my sorry ass lies
Sorry for never loving you
And never giving you your value
I wrote this in November of 2001. It was of course about what I thought was the most horrible breakup of my life. Lol.
I’m losing my mind
Learning all those promises were just false lines
Your love meant so much to me
I guess this means no anniversaries
I just couldn’t handle
When I got that infamous call
Especially when she had to say
That you had gone her way
And you had given away my hugs and kisses
You destroyed all of my innermost wishes
I wrote this in the summer of 2019 about C when we were on another break. Thinking back on this period in my life when I would get so mad about him ghosting again and again and going back to him again and again feels so strange now. I don’t feel like the same person that wrote this.
We’re back here once again
You ghost, you ignore, you abandon
And I beg you to come back
It’s our merry go round of fuckery
I’m mad,I’m sad, I’m done
I’m finally almost recovered
From you-
Trying to forget you, mourning you,
Accepting you’re gone –
And then a text from you
It’s our merry go round of fuckery
Crying, writing, running
Each day it gets easier
Learning to forget you
But then, a “how are you”
Appears on my phone
It’s our merry go round of fuckery
Will you ever go away?
Am I always going to be this insane?
When will I get off from
Our merry go round of fuckery?
I wrote this poem in 2002 when I was about to break up with this guy “R” that was kind of aggressive and mean to me throughout our relationship. He was also kind of a jerk to my toddler son at the time. Instead of ending things, I ended up cheating on him and eventually ghosting him at a time when he needed me the most. Needless to say, he was pissed and wrote me lots of hate filled emails in CAPS LOCK and colored ink. It was pretty intense. I felt horrible after that.
What do you say
when you fall out of love
with that special somebody?
How do you explain
that they no longer have your heart?
What do you do
when you see the hurtful expression
on their face?
As you tell him,
you’re no longer his to hold.
How can you live after
causing so much pain?
Life on the BPD 