Click the link below for the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/16/poetry-losing-my-mind/
Recibir esa llamada infame
mato mi calma e ego
descubriendo que había sido engañada
por el que me profesaba amor
Me hizo perder mi cordura
¿cómo pudiste hacerme esto?
Fuistes otro desastre
lleno de duplicidad
te odio con todo mi corazón
por destrozar todo lo que éramos
This is my response to prompt #8:An event that turned out differently than planned
We were an odd couple to start out with-
a generation apart-only 9 years younger than my dad
but we still fell in love and made it work for several years
eventually exchanged vows and rings,raised 3 beautiful kids
but we always knew we weren’t meant to be each other’s forever
at this realization-I went crazy and tried to find a new love story
but no one could stand me for long or treated me like a secret
and when all of them left, I took comfort in our friendship
understanding I needed to give respect until our legal ending
Without regrets and resentment in our unconventional love story
I’ll always love you, you will always my family
I wrote this in December of 2021.
At 40, I feel like the ultimate Queen
after losing layers and layers of my princess skin
The broken princess I had to beat
to finally feel enough and complete
Friends and men full of duplicity
Have no place in my world of authenticity
I no longer wear my crown of guilt and shame
It caused me too much emotional pain
Instead I wear a crown of confidence and power
being true to myself is my superpower
Fuck anyone who thinks I’m too much or not enough
You assholes were never deserving of my love
I am the ultimate Queen
and I’m finally making myself seen
I wrote this in December 2018 when my husband forgot our 8 year anniversary. I guess I was a little salty and kind of still processing the breakup of our marriage.
He forgot our 8 year anniversary
I didn’t remind him because it didn’t really matter.
Hopefully, this time next year, we will be divorced.
There was no use in feeling sad or spilling tears
Over something that would end soon.
There was no use in feeling devastated over
Something that never should have happened.
Vows that should never have been taken.
Promises of love that were doomed from the beginning.
Empty words that were never believed in.
8 years of marriage; an institution we thought
would bind us for eternal life.
So that maybe the sting of resentment and neglect
wouldn’t break us apart.
He forgot our 8 year anniversary
Just like he forgot all of his promises to
“Try harder” or “to change”
So I wouldn’t leave.
He forgot our 8 year anniversary.
And it’s fine.
You don’t celebrate something
That is already dead.
This was my response to prompt #19: One thing you’d like to see
I try to write about something positive I want to see
but today, I don’t have it in me
instead, I want to blast out my rage in verse
I try to change this narrative, but after many attempts, I fail
so today I’m going to accept how sometimes I’m a petty bitch
I can’t always be the bigger person
there’s some people I’ll never forgive
And when I think of them, petty thoughts come up
I hope Karma gets them and they suffer like I did
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/25/poetry-im-sorry/
Lo siento por el niño que eres
y el hombre que nunca serás
Lo siento por haber enamorarme de ti
y no recibir el amor que merecía
Lo siento por creer en tu actuación de hombre bueno
Y aprender que el amor era una ilusión
Lo siento que tu nunca sentiste mi desamparo
Y que para ti no mas fui otra inutil
Lo siento por todas las lágrimas derramadas
y todo el amor que te di
Pero más que todo lo siento por el dia que te aparecistes en mi vida
para ser otro recuerdo lleno de amargura
This is my response to prompt #6: An important person in your life
I find God everywhere lately
in the autumn wind that blows leaves whimsically
in lyrics that evokes intense emotions in me
in the excitement I feel every morning
in my newfound peace and serenity
God is a whisper always reminding me
life is worth living if I keep trying, if I keep going
I wrote this in December of 2021.
There is a certain magic in nature I forget about
Feeling the wind in your face running
while listening to my favorite song
It reminds me what a gift it is to be alive
Observing the miniature toad in the creek that hasn’t
been washed away by the many harsh elements around it;
It gives me hope I too can survive the really hard times,
Smelling the rain before a storm,there will be a rainbow after it
that is how life is, there are better times after the worst of times
This is my response to prompt #13: How You Procrastinate
One hour on social media and I feel guilty
for time wasted on such silly things
It was an hour that killed my productivity
an hour when I allowed my brain to wonder
to something other than my children or work
I could have been making content
or helping my son with his homework
and I chastise myself for wasting time
then self compassion steps in
and reminds me I’m human and it’s okay
to allow myself to escape my reality
in the superfluous things in life
Here is a link to the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/10/31/happy-halloween-whats-scarier-than-a-regular-bitch/
Cometiste un gran error
que me rompió en mil pedazos
antes estaba llena de ternura
ahora busco venganza
mis palabras se convertirán
en espadas aguda de furia
Gritando como tus mentiras
jodieron mi mente y mi vida
Me dices que debería olvidarlo todo
Cariño, debes acostumbrarte
tu y esa rompieron mi cordura
ahora deben enfrentar las consecuencias
Estuviste mal en traicionar a una chingona bilingüe
Te matare en español y en inglés
This is my response to prompt #5: Something you know something a lot
Where is my honorary degree in my BPD recovery ?
I’ve read more books than I’ve cared to-
I’ve acknowledged more toxic patterns than I wanted to-
And I’m almost an expert at DBT
But I still have days when I think it’s all bullshit
I still have times I miss the chaos in my life
so I know I still have a long way to go in this journey
and it’s needed to fulfill my potential
I need to let go of anything that caused me harm
and say goodbye to who I once was
Thanks to this recovery journey
I’m self aware, I’m full of self compassion,
I’m going to become the best version of myself
I wrote this in December of 2021.
Maybe I was too harsh with my words
Frustrated with rejection and abandonment
I was filled with anger and resentment
that needed to bleed on paper
Maybe I’ve been too much of a critic
Cutting you down with petty words and insults
Perhaps I was projecting my own insecurities
Maybe I should have taken some of the blame
of your unexpected departures
I know I’m not an easy woman to be with
often times I’m too emotional and needy
And maybe, just maybe
I forgive all of you and me
We were all trying our best to love and be loved
And sometimes even our best isn’t enough
This was my response to prompt #3: Three good things
Coffee, music, and books are what I need
to get through the dreariest of days
Coffee to wake me up from my somber mood
Music to feel every single feeling in my body
and maybe try to dance them all out
Books to calm down my most intrusive of thoughts
Coffee,music, and books are what I need
to make myself shiny again
Para la version en Espanol, haga clic en este enlace:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/10/poesia-yo-pense/
I thought nothing could ruin our love
now everything we once were is lost
because once again I was wrong, wrong, wrong
I wasn’t aware of your secret lust filled missions
you’re another confused boy
and to you I was another toy
You were another tourist
in my book of love and lust
This was my response to prompt #3: How are you working towards your goals
Consistency and routine are staples in my life
they help me grow and thrive
I’m outgrown the chaos and adrenaline rushes
I used to find myself in-
it held me back and made me stagnant
I finally understood the importance
of a boring and quiet life
it is needed to make my dreams a reality
it is essential for my serenity and peace
Life on the BPD 