Escribí este poema en enero de 2003 acerca de un amor que deseaba. Todavía vivía con la illusion de encontrar un amor así.
Me tienes llena de estos bellos sentimientos con tus tiernas caricias y la maravilla que son tus besos me devolviste la fe Por ser aquel hombre que sabe como tratar a una mujer Contigo deseo amanecer Me tienes siempre pensando en ti Y la esperanza de tenerte junto a mi Me haces volar Y otra vez soñar Me haces sentir Y mi sangre hervir Me vuelves loca Con tu bella forma de amar Y a ti siempre me quiero atar
I wrote this in January of 2003 about John. Maybe he tried to come back to be an FWB and I got mad and that’s what inspired this poem.
Never
Why do you continue to be such an asshole to me? With your pathetic games you make yourself look lame You expect me to sit around and wait for you whenever it’s fucking convenient for you but I guess this is my fault for letting us almost fuck So now I have to tell you something I will no longer be your fucking fling So start to forget that we ever met Go on your merry away and stay away for i am lot more than an on call whore
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Estaba tan decepcionada de el. Fue difícil dejarlo ir.
Pero fue lindo
Yo tenía la esperanza Que tu eras el hombre Que yo tanto esperaba Pero después de ver la fea manera que me trataste Ahora me doy cuenta En realidad los que tu piensas Que no mas fui Cualquier otra para ti No fui algo especial Nunca te iba a importar Y ahora me quedo sola Y estas lagrimas que se convierten en un mar
I wrote this in December of 2002 and it wasn’t inspired by any breakups, it might have been inspired by a movie I watched or a book I read.
it’s like that sometimes
I woke up one day To see that you had gone away All you left was a note You could no longer cope With our love mess You had tried your very best To be the man I wanted you to be The one who only cared for me You had only pretended to be true And now you say the time has come You’re sorry it took so damn long All that is left is goodbye You tell me to not even ask why You wish me the best in life One day I’ll make a great wife And with your signature you sign off I hope that someday you’ll find true love
Today is National Getting Over It day and I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate it than by sharing my ANGRY AF playlist. A huge part for me getting over something tragic in my life is to get angry. And when I get angry, it’s almost like a volcano eruption. This is actually pretty healthy for me because I’ve felt that at times, anger has saved me from feeling all of my sadness at once which for me can get really overwhelming right away. I can even say that Anger has probably saved me from spiraling into an abyss of sadness that would be hard to crawl out of. In other words, anger has helped me survive whatever trauma has come my way. I used to be so ashamed of being angry because of how it would turn me into the most self absorbed and reactive person. I don’t feel that way anymore because I’ve learned how to better manage my anger. Instead of drinking or hooking with random dudes because I’m angry; I exercise or write while I listen to music. Most of the songs in this list are geared more towards someone going through a breakup because that is when my anger comes out the most. Thanks, BPD. Lol. In bold are my favorite songs from this list.
Lyrics from Olivia Rodrigo, Fall Out Boy, Matchbox Twenty, and Taking Back Sunday
For the Brokenhearted: I’m ANGRY AF Edition (the only where you scream out the lyrics):
FUCK YOU, GOODBYE-The Kid LAROI , Machine Gun Kelly
abcdefu-Gayle
SELFISH-The Kid LAROI
SAME ENERGY- The Kid Laroi
good 4 u-Olivia Rodrigo
Cute Without the “E” (Cut from the Team)-Taking Back Sunday
Sugar, We’re Going Down-Fall Out Boy
Tell that Mick He Just Made My List of Things To Do Today-Fall Out Boy
The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes-Fall Out Boy
traitor-Olivia Rodrigo
Better Than Revenge -Taylor Swift
Push-Matchbox Twenty
You Oughta Know-Alanis Morissette
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together-Taylor Swift
Stronger Than Me-Amy Winehouse
Priest-Julia Michaels
Sorry-Beyonce
Death by a Thousand Cuts-Taylor Swift
Closure-Taylor Swift
Look What You Made Me Do-Taylor Swift
Your Name Hurts-Hailee Steinfeld
Great Romances of the 20th Century-Taking Back Sunday
Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Her Clothes Off- Panic! At the Disco
BEST FOR ME-The Kid LAROI
I Bet You Think About Me-Taylor Swift
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things-Taylor Swift
Head Club-Taking Back Sunday
Screaming Infidelities-Dashboard Confessional
Ignore Me-Betty
Sue Me-Sabrina Carpenter
Below are links to the playlist for your listening pleasure:
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Estaba bien enfadada que el me rechazo y abandono porque su madre no aprobaba de mi.
eso
Tu moriste para mi Cuando te fuiste de aquí Y decidiste que yo no era más Que una de tus muchas faldas Pero tu te equivocaste Al pensar que yo soy cualquier otra mujer NO! Yo soy algo divino y estupendo Que pena que tuviste miedo Pero sabes algo Ya no hay modo De que algún día te perdone porque eres un cobarde Y ya no me importa de amar tu nunca fuiste capaz Y quizás es mejor así Ya no me puedes herir Y habré llorado bastante pero de mi ya no te doy un instante
I wrote this about John in 2002 after he ghosted me after taking me to see his mom. His mother didn’t approve of me-an uneducated single mom. It was rough and of course I took it personally. So John fell off my pedestal and it was a long fall.
truth
Perhaps you feel too smart to let someone as ordinary as me into your heart Perhaps you think I’m not good enough to be deserving of your love Perhaps you are only sure I’m just good for pleasure Perhaps you wear a know it all smirk And believe I’m just like any other girl Perhaps you believe in your head I’m only good to warm up your bed But darling I’m sorry to say You won’t get your way Because I respect myself too much To let myself melt with your touch Because I am worth a lot more than any of your trophy whores Because I have an actual mind Without you I’ll be just fine But mostly because I would never fall For someone so extremely false
I wrote this poem on February 22, 2019, the last day of being 37. It was a chaotic year that was filled with lots of ups and downs. It was the year I met “C” and who I now referred to as my “good” ex Jake.
February 22, 2019
Last day at 37 and I am humbled By the calm that comes after the storm That was last year Several waves came In the forms Of the average millenial fuck boy Pretending to converse In hopes of DTF It was fun, it was sexy, it was tiring And when I was ready to quit the tinder world My blond hurricane Torpedoed into my life One sweltering and lonely July Night He took over my damaged heart And mind He took me on a rollercoaster of emotions From rays of happiness To rowdy winds of devastation With more hellos, goodbyes and I love yous That I’ve had in a lifetime It was crazy, it was chaotic,it was love And in one of our Almost solid goodbyes- In waltzed the amber of hope He slowly put back together The broken pieces of my heart The hurricane had left behind He made me believe hope Was within my reach He calmed down my chaotic thoughts He held my peace and happiness In his hands It was good, it was easy, it wasn’t enough And I just crashed back into My previous existence Of married monotony and routine Again, I am alone and empty In my solitude of motherhood and marriage
I wrote this in December of 2002 about John. I had only known him a couple of weeks and had already become so infatuated with him and obsessed.
love is an adventure
Could I be the one who makes you stop having fun? Could I be the girl who becomes your whole world? Could I be the light in your darkest nights? Could I be the passion who becomes your inspiration? Could I be the hope Who helps you cope Could I be the love of your life and possibly even your wife?
I wrote this in November of 2002 about Matt when he contacted me again and said he was coming to see our son for the first time. It was a really confusing and chaotic time for me. Even after everything that had happened and I had been through I was still romanticizing him. Ugh. Gotta love that BPD.
ain’t that the truth
I thought my feelings for you had come to an end When you thought it was best For us to go our separate ways And all of a sudden Once again you appear Explaining you felt a strong need To be near me That in your time away You realized you made The biggest mistake By breaking us apart You broke your own heart A part of me is sad A part of me is happy I want to save my dignity What am I to do? I want to be with you But don’t want to end up a fool
I wrote this in 2002 about my ex Andrew whom I dated briefly in 1997/1998. Well, we’ll call him the first Andrew because I love to recycle names. Lol. I had a tendency to get nostalgic about because the love and infatuation I felt for him was really, really intense. Also, our story was kind of crazy in its own right but that’s another blogpost. I’ll just say that I idealize him and placed him on a pedestal for many, many years after we broke up.
so true
I think of you tonight More than I do on most nights Listening to this melancholic song Brings back all of those precious moments With you in my mind When we were each other’s whole world And nothing or no one else mattered except you and I And I wonder if I ever run through that beautiful mind of yours Or if I ever reached your heart if even for the briefest moment
you wear many faces, sometimes you have dark hair sometimes you have blond hair but you always take me in your arms and make me feel loved and accepted for who I am you don’t care that I’m too crazy or too much It’s a type of excitement, an almost adrenaline rush for you and if I annoy you-you’ll tell me I’m being ridiculous but apologize right after I burst into tears and you’re not afraid of my tears or screams because you know it comes with the territory when it comes to loving me and then I wake up- in my self imposed solitary confinement and I wonder if this dream could one day come into existence like my other dreams or it it will become another fulfilled fantasy Because love stories aren’t meant for someone crazy like me
