What’s something most people don’t understand?
We all fck up
poetry: unsolicited advice
this is inspired by the 2006 poem, “did I ask for your advice”
well meaning unsolicited advice and opinions from others
Made me feel like I was a failure
like I wasn’t doing enough to better myself
it always comes after a life changing event-
a new baby, marriage, and most recently my divorce
In my 20s it drove me crazy
In my 40s I nod, smile, take whatever is helpful
and move on
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From Overwhelmed to In Control:Techniques for Managing Everyday Stress
From Overwhelmed to In Control:
Techniques for Managing Everyday Stress by Julia Mitchell
Photo by Freepik
In today’s fast-paced world, stress has become an unwelcome companion for many of us, often creeping into our lives when we least expect it. Whether it stems from our professional responsibilities, personal relationships, or the myriad of challenges that daily life presents, understanding and managing stress is crucial for maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This guide from Life on the BPD aims to shed light on the common stressors that pervade our lives, offering insights on how to identify them and practical strategies for handling these pressures effectively.
Understand Your Stress
Carving out time for reflection is crucial for identifying the root causes of your stress. By setting aside moments each day or week to acknowledge instances when you felt overwhelmed, you can gain insights into what triggers your stress responses. This understanding is foundational, as it guides you toward effective stress management strategies. Reflecting on your experiences not only sheds light on the sources of your stress but also helps you recognize patterns and triggers, making it easier to address them moving forward.
Embrace Mindfulness
Mindfulness serves as a stabilizing force amidst the tumultuous waves of stress. Practices such as deep breathing exercises and meditation offer refuge by anchoring you in the present moment. This focus on the here and now acts as a buffer against the chaos of stress, providing a sense of calm and clarity. By integrating mindfulness into your daily routine, you can develop a resilient mindset that is better equipped to handle stress, ensuring that you remain centered and balanced even in challenging times.
Establish Boundaries for Stress Reduction
Setting clear boundaries is essential in safeguarding your mental health. By defining limits in work, relationships, and personal commitments, you can prevent stress from encroaching on your well-being. This practice helps in managing expectations and commitments, ensuring that your time and energy are spent on what truly matters. Establishing boundaries empowers you to navigate life with more ease and less stress, promoting a healthier and more balanced lifestyle.
Lean Into Physical Activity
Physical activity is a potent tool in the fight against stress. Engaging in exercises, whether it’s a brisk walk, yoga, or a session at the gym, can significantly relieve tension. The physical exertion releases endorphins, improving your mood and reducing stress. Regular physical activity not only benefits your physical health but also acts as a therapeutic release for emotional and psychological stress, contributing to overall well-being.
Explore Alternative Stress Relief Methods
Diverse approaches to stress management can offer fresh perspectives and solutions. Techniques such as yoga, acupuncture, and guided imagery provide unique pathways to relaxation and mental clarity.
- Yoga: Practicing yoga combines physical postures, breathing exercises, and meditation to reduce stress and enhance overall well-being. Yoga helps release tension in the body, while the meditative aspects can improve mental clarity and reduce anxiety.
- Acupuncture: This ancient Chinese medicine technique involves inserting thin needles into specific points on the body to balance energy flow. It can help reduce stress by promoting relaxation, decreasing the body’s production of stress hormones, and improving sleep quality.
- THCa (Tetrahydrocannabinolic Acid): THCa, a non-psychoactive precursor to THC found in available forms of THCa in raw cannabis, has been shown to have anti-inflammatory and neuroprotective effects. Its potential to reduce stress comes from its ability to modulate the body’s endocannabinoid system, which plays a key role in regulating mood and stress responses.
- Ashwagandha: This herb, used in Ayurvedic medicine for centuries, is known for its adaptogenic properties, helping the body manage stress more effectively. Ashwagandha can lower cortisol levels, enhance brain function, and improve sleep patterns, making it a powerful tool for combating stress and anxiety.
Exploring these alternatives can uncover new methods to alleviate stress, catering to individual preferences and needs. By being open to different therapies, you can find the most effective and enjoyable ways to maintain your mental well-being, enhancing your ability to cope with stress.
The Importance of Social Support
Sharing your struggles with stress can be incredibly therapeutic. Opening up to trusted individuals creates a support network that can offer comfort and advice. This act of vulnerability can illuminate both the sources of your stress and potential solutions, making the burden easier to bear. The support of friends, family, or professionals not only provides emotional relief but also strengthens your resilience, making you better equipped to manage stress.
As we journey through the complexities of life, embracing a holistic approach to managing stress can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced existence. By identifying the sources of our stress and exploring both traditional and alternative methods for addressing them, we empower ourselves to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and resilience. Remember, managing stress is not about eliminating challenges from our lives but about enhancing our ability to cope with them. With patience, practice, and persistence, we can transform our relationship with stress, turning our experiences into opportunities for growth and self-discovery.
Join the journey at Life on the BPD, where trauma is turned into triumph. Dive deep into stories that resonate, learn from shared experiences, and become part of a community that embraces growth and healing.
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poetry: I warn my sons about falling in love with poets and writers
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.
I warn my sons about falling in love with poets and writers
I try to dissuade them from it
They’ll use any insensitive comment you ever made
into a salty verse dripped with not so subtle insults
They’ll use your most intimate moments as metaphors
for heaven or earthquakes
They’ll describe you as God or the Devil depending on how you left them
They’ll make you a villain in their stories or worst, the hero in them
And the worst part-
They’ll make you way bigger in their mind than you ever wanted to be
so , I plead with you, fall in love with a boring accountant or a teacher
or even a lawyer
You’ll avoid the stress of being someone’s inspiration, someone’s muse
and the chaos and drama that comes along with it
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poetry: love child
I wrote this poem in December of 2022.
there’s no need to be anyone but you-
you are a love child of God
who sends angels in the form of ancestors
to protect and guide you
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Advice for the day. Be cringe. 🫶🫶🫶🥹
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Facts!!!
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Hardest lesson
Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.
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Ideas Introverts Can Implement for Improved Self-Care
by Julie Morris
Since the world is more social than ever, with connections available at every moment of the day, an introvert can quickly become burnt out. Introspective individuals like yourself need personal time to refresh and recharge, and it often requires creative ideas to carve that time out. Today, Life on the BPD presents some techniques you can implement to boost your self-care and live your best life.
Do a Daily Digital Detox
Just because you can be available 24/7 doesn’t mean you should be. Before smartphones and tablets, people could remain productive without having every friend and family member on demand. Train others to get used to you being unavailable at every moment by scheduling do not disturb times on your devices. Set automatic instant message and email responses for when you’re not on the clock that mentions when you can respond to messages again.
Unapologetically acknowledge your busy schedule to let people know you value them, but you give each assignment your undivided attention. Set at least a half-hour daily to disconnect from all devices and social media for the sake of your mental health.
Use Breathing Exercises
Henry Ford Health notes that a few minutes for a breathing break can be all you need to recalibrate your mind and body during overwhelming moments. Try pursed lip breathing to calm your mind and lessen stress. Diaphragmatic breathing can help you to fall asleep and manage your nervous system. The lion’s breath technique is useful for invigorating yourself when you feel exhausted.
Change Your Mattress
We all know how vital a good night’s rest can be when it comes to helping us recharge to face the next day’s challenge, but sometimes, that’s easier said than done. Luckily, you can greatly improve your sleep quality with a mattress – especially if you haven’t changed yours in ages! Here are some top-rated options that make the most of modern technology to give you a sleep solution that’s impossible to beat.
Keep Things Tidy
Cleaning and decluttering your home can be an incredibly effective way to reduce stress and improve living spaces. Having a neat, organized space can help reduce anxiety as it allows for better concentration and focus. Additionally, getting rid of excess clutter can make your space feel fresher and lighter. This allows for better air circulation, creating more positive energy in the space.
Decluttering also helps reduce distractions in the environment, promoting a calmer atmosphere that leads to better clarity of thought and focus. Cleaning up also gives you an opportunity to destress by focusing on tasks that don’t require a lot of mental stimulation. In conclusion, cleaning and decluttering your home can be helpful for reducing anxiety and ushering out negative energy from the environment.
Establish Personal Boundaries
Establishing boundaries with your time is crucial for productivity, overall well-being, and healthy relationships. Without setting limits and prioritizing your time, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and fall into a cycle of stress and burnout, especially if you are an introvert.
By intentionally setting aside time for work, self-care, and relationships, you can create a balance that allows you to be more present and efficient in all aspects of your life. Boundaries can look different for different people. Perhaps you limit time with certain friends or family members who rub you the wrong way, or you cut toxic people out of your life.
You can also use technology to provide buffers, like a video doorbell that allows you to screen visitors or security cameras you can check to ensure your pesky neighbor isn’t outside when you leave for your run. If you encounter any technical glitches, look online for free troubleshooting resources first in order to avoid yet another social encounter with a repair person. Fortunately, many of these small glitches can be handled quickly and easily with a little guidance.
Start Gardening
Creating your own private paradise offers many benefits. Thrive Global points out that emotional and physical health benefits from regular immersion in fresh air. Getting on your hands and knees or working with tools to cultivate the earth provides needed movement. Caring for plants reinforces the value of self-care and promotes calm, concentration, and creativity.
Begin a Fitness Program
Physical activity gives you the energy to endure moments of stress and can stave off depression and worry. Make room for exercise in your weekly plan. Even if you have a lot of work taking up your time, you can find unique ways to add some movement to your day. Forgo the elevator and use the stairs. Go for a walk or a bike ride during your lunch break. If you work in a walkable area, make it a point to walk to get your daily coffee or set up a lunch meeting at a location that you can walk to.
If you have your own office and can’t physically go outside for a walk or ride, put up a “Do not disturb” sign and set up a piece of exercise equipment with virtual software and apps to take a trip through new and exciting areas.
Make a Career Adjustment
Don’t continue with employment that saps your energy and is unrewarding. If possible, start your own business to guarantee that you’re involved in an industry and service that is fulfilling and helpful to others. Identify your strengths and market opportunities to determine where you can provide a unique offering.
However, be aware that starting your own business also means carrying your own health insurance. Fortunately, there are discounted plans available through state-specific programs that were implemented because of the Affordable Care Act. Check out your options before you dive into entrepreneurship so you aren’t left without the ability to care for your physical and mental health.
Once you decide to move forward with your business, you’ll need to spend time developing a robust marketing campaign. Your creativity can help distinguish you from the competition and create a brand identity. In addition to spreading the word via social media, broaden your customer base through some old fashioned approaches like putting up posters. To save money, design a custom poster all by yourself using these free templates that you can customize as needed.
Care for Your Mental and Physical Health
Believe it or not, it’s impossible to thrive as an introvert in this overly connected world. Work time into your schedule to break away, spend some time decluttering and cleaning your home, change up your mattress to improve your sleep quality, proudly promote your work, and care for your mind and body so you can remain joyful and healthy.
Life on the BPD is here to help you survive and even thrive in the face of trauma. Please scroll down to find our comment form.
Photo via Pexels
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Prevent Anxiety and Enjoy Life to the Fullest
Image via Pexels
Prevent Anxiety and Enjoy Life to the Fullest
by Julia Mitchell
Anxiety can affect your long-term health. It can limit your ability to exert control, paralyze you, and make you feel helpless. In fact, according to a study by the Global Burden of Disease, depression is the sixth-leading cause of disability. Fortunately, there are things you can do to prevent anxiety attacks. Here are just a few, presented below by Life on the BPD.
Spend Time Outdoors
Spending more time outdoors can reduce anxiety and stress. Your brain receives more oxygen when you breathe in the fresh air, resulting in increased levels of serotonin — the neurotransmitter that alters your mood. Simply walking to the store for milk can lower your levels of cortisol, a stress-causing chemical in your body.
You’re more likely to feel tired at night if you spend more time outdoors during the day. The better sleep you get at night, the less anxiety you’ll experience the following day.
Find a More Rewarding Job
Many people find themselves in jobs that they do not enjoy which causes anxiety. If you are one of these people, it may be time to start looking for a more rewarding job. When searching for a new job, think about what you are looking for in a job and consider your interests and skills.
Once you have a good idea of what you want, begin your search by looking at job postings online. Take the time to update your resume with your latest skills and experience. This free resume may help you get started. You can use this – or similar – templates, which you can modify by adding your own fonts, colors, and images. It will give you a great start to refreshing your current resume.
You may find that, instead of a new job, you’re more interested in a new career with new possibilities. In that case, consider going back to school. There are plenty of reputable, accredited schools with online degree and certification programs, so you can complete coursework on your own time. This page deserves a look if you are interested in technology-related certifications, like CompTIA A+, Cloud+, or Operations Specialist.
Keep an Anxiety Journal
Recording your daily stress and anxiety levels through an anxiety journal is a simple and guided process. Writing them down helps you identify triggers and negative situations that cause your anxiety. So where do you start?
- Write down your concerns. Write down any immediate concerns you have. Describe them in detail while remembering that with anxiety, it’s not always about what’s happening in the here and now but what’s on the horizon.
- Review what you’ve written. Ask yourself questions along the lines of: what are the odds of this happening? How do you know? Are you certain? How could you change a negative into a positive if your worries materialize?
- Rewrite the script. Write down one or more ways to approach a thought or fear differently. Next to your fears, write down different possibilities, and create new endings.
These are just a few ideas to get you started on your anxiety journal. VeryWell Mind explains that writing in your journal daily helps you better understand your anxiety and hopefully prevents future anxiety attacks.
Create a Happy and Clutter-Free Environment
Your anxiety levels may increase if your family constantly argues, complains, and is overly critical. You can relieve tension in your home by creating a welcoming and vibrant space. Open your windows to let in the fresh air, declutter, and do a deep clean to bring positivity.
It helps if you optimize your workspace to avoid work-related stress. Rather than sitting in a traditional office chair for long periods, try an ergonomic one. They help keep your body safe and upright to reduce stress on the spine and neck. Insufficient office lighting can reduce energy, dampen mood, and cause eyestrain. Position your desk so that your back is facing the window. You’ll benefit from the light and avoid distractions. In the absence of natural light in your workspace, you can create the illusion of natural window lighting using light colors, such as white and cream, on the walls.
Start Living Again
Having anxiety can prevent you from leading a normal life. You can get so worked up about an upcoming event that when it arrives, you’re a nervous wreck. Or the simple idea of doing things becomes overwhelming. Anxiety can be debilitating, but there are strategies you can use to calm yourself and lower your anxiety levels. Start by spending some time outside every day (if possible) and use an anxiety journal to help process your feelings. And if your job – or career – isn’t working for you, build a new resume and find a new opportunity. This is your life. Don’t let your anxious mind control it for you.
Life can be challenging, but it’s better to experience it together. Life on the BPD is my attempt to share my challenges to make others feel less alone – and to process my own experiences. Visit my website today to join our community.
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5 Strategies for Self-Improvement When You’ve Been Diagnosed With a Bipolar Disorder
5 Strategies for Self-Improvement When You’ve Been Diagnosed With a Bipolar Disorder by Julia Mitchell
After receiving a bipolar diagnosis, you may be wondering what the best course of action is in order to manage the condition while tending to your daily obligations. How will you cope with your symptoms and lead a fulfilling life? Here are some strategies you should discuss with your healthcare professional:
Stick to Your Treatment Plan
Once you’ve been diagnosed as bipolar, your physician will prescribe medication and put you on a treatment plan. But since there are no one-size-fits-all drugs when it comes to treating this condition, you’ll have to go through a bit of a trial-and-error period before you get on the right dosage. Through it all, try to be patient and persistent. Do not get discouraged, and stick with your treatment plan until you start seeing results. And don’t be afraid to voice your concerns to your doctor if you feel something isn’t working as it should.
Focus On Your Sleep
Lack of sleep and poor sleep quality can exacerbate symptoms for people with bipolar disorder. So strive to stick to a bedtime routine that will promote a restful night. Avoid heavy foods, caffeine, and alcohol too close to bedtime. Try to go to bed at the same time each night; having a relaxing ritual like a soothing bath, a cup of chamomile tea, reading, or meditating can help get you into a more relaxed state. Turn off your screens and smartphone at least 30 minutes before you lie down for the night. And keep the temperature at a comfortable level to help you stay asleep longer.
Work on Your Career Plan
A fulfilling and rewarding career can help keep symptom activators and triggers at bay, and establishing healthy relationships with coworkers and colleagues who share the same passion will help you thrive at your job. If teaching younger generations is your calling, find an accredited online school with competitive rates and check this program that will lead to a bachelor’s education degree. Pursuing a degree online allows you to take classes when it’s most convenient for you and your family, so you can fit them into your busy life without feeling stressed out.
Take Time for Self-Care
Between family and work obligations, you may feel pulled in a multitude of directions. You can start feeling stressed out, angry, and like you’re losing control of your life. And when you suffer from bipolar disorder, you’re either too busy to take time for yourself or too depressed to do anything for yourself. So try to stick to one project at a time, and learn to say no or to delegate to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And when you’re feeling down, make sure to go outside to get some fresh air, meet with some friends, and indulge in things that make you happy.
Start a Side Business
If pursuing a favorite hobby helps you manage your bipolar symptoms, think about ways you can turn this enjoyable pastime into a small business of your own. There are online resources to help you get started, such as LLC formation services which will walk you through all the legal ins and outs of structuring and launching a business. By using such a service, you won’t need to hire a lawyer to get all the tax benefits offered by a limited liability company.
If you’ve been recently diagnosed, ask your therapist for strategies that will make living with bipolar disorder and coping with symptoms easier. Learn to recognize your triggers, take time for self-care, and develop a toolbox of skills and activities to help stabilize your mood.
Have you or a loved one been diagnosed with a bipolar or borderline personality disorder? You’re not alone! Please follow my healing journey at lifeonthebpd.com.
Image via Pixabay
Julia Mitchell is a career and finance writer. Check out her work at http://www.outspiration.net
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How to Cope with Financial Hardships
Photo Credit: Sincerely Media via Unsplash
How to Cope With Financial Hardships
By Julia Mitchell
Life doesn’t always go the way we planned, and oftentimes our finances take a hit during these detours. Perhaps you lost your job because of downsizing, or you’ve struggled to find good-paying work. Or you could be recovering from financial debt from an extended illness or repair. No matter the cause, financial stress can feel inescapable. Fortunately, there are some steps you can take to change your situation. Life on the BPD explains how.
Consider Changing Careers
Unemployment is a serious problem, and many people have been out of work. The number of people reporting unemployment has varied a lot recently, but numbers are slowly decreasing. This is a great trend, but lost money during extended unemployment can impact you for a long time. And if your new job doesn’t pay enough, it will be difficult to financially recover from that deficit.
If you’re noticing changes to your work prospects with no end in sight, or if the type of job you were doing won’t pay enough to get you back out of debt, you may want to consider changing careers. Think about other areas of interest where your education and work history may be relevant. Consider going back to school. There are many options from traditional classes to night classes or even online degree programs.
Lastly, you may decide that you want to start a business of your very own. Beyond coming up with an idea for your company, there are a few things you need to do to get things started. First, you need to come up with a business idea. This can be something you’re passionate about or have experience in. Once you have your idea, you’ll need to start planning everything out. This includes coming up with a name, logo, and brand. You’ll also need to create a website and social media accounts. Once all of that is done, you’ll need to start marketing your business and getting customers. The best way to do this is by networking and using social media. Finally, you’ll need to continue growing your business by always being on the lookout for new opportunities. If you do all of these things, you’ll be well on your way to starting a new company.
Take Time for Yourself
Between work, family obligations, and worrying, you may find you have little time for yourself. This can lead to a vicious cycle of a lack of sleep and anxiety. When you’re stressed and not getting enough sleep, you’re more likely to eat poorly, which only worsens the problems. Instead, do something just for yourself. You could read a book, take a relaxing bath, or exercise. Engage in anything that takes your mind off your financial problems.
Reevaluate Goals
It may feel overwhelming, but now is a great time to reestablish your financial goals, since you are dedicated to getting yourself back on track financially. Take a look at your current goals and decide if they’re still feasible. It may be time to alter them to adjust to the economic climate and extend the overall timeline. Set positive goals with smaller sub-goals so that you can see your progress. But also push yourself towards a challenging final goal. You may be surprised by what a little positive anxiety can help you accomplish.
If you’re not sure how to set new goals, consider working with a financial planner or doing some online research. They gather helpful information about financial planning, including professionals who can come alongside you to create and support these goals and present them online. A little guidance can go a long way!
Create a New Budget
Budgeting helps you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out. You know how much you can save monthly and how much you have to enjoy.
However, when situations change your budget needs to change, too. You may currently have more costs related to your household, potentially less income, and possibly fewer entertainment options. At this point, it’s time to create a new budget with all this in mind.
Once you have an accurate, up-to-date budget, you should look for areas where you can spend less and save more. With an uncertain economic climate, it’s more important than ever to have a nest egg.
Consider Refinancing Your Home
The pandemic brought about historically low refinance rates. Look at your options, because you could save yourself money each month and in the long run. For example, you can look into cash-out refinancing, which replaces your current mortgage with a larger one. You then receive the difference between the old and new as cash, which gives you some money to use however you choose.
If you’re interested in refinancing, you’ll need to gather some information first. When you cash out or take a home equity loan, the lender needs to know your home’s current appraisal and the amount you still owe on your house. The appraisal will determine how much your home is worth now so that your lender can calculate how much equity you have in your home. The equity is the amount of money your home is appraised for minus the amount you still owe on your mortgage.
Don’t Let Hardships Take a Toll on Your Finances
Life has a way of surprising us – sometimes for good and other times not-so-good. Even if you’ve experienced some financial hardships lately, don’t let them completely derail your finances. Take a deep breath and reevaluate. Then, take steps today to start putting away money, even if that means you have to make a career change or reevaluate your budget.
Julia Mitchell is a career and finance writer. Check out here work at http://www.outspiration.net
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Poetry: Silence
I wrote this in January of 2022.
You must sit in silence
to breathe, to feel, to understand, to listen
everything else is just a distraction
from really feeling
Silence reminds us of the humanity
that lies within us and how
we’ll never have all of the answers
Silence reminds us that
our heart still beats
and we are Splendid creations of God
Silence reminds us that
the beauty is in enjoying
this present moment
while learning from the past
and looking forward to the future
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Lessons from 2022
As 2022 ends, I feel a sense of gratitude and peace in my heart for how many blessings I’ve had this year. I’m closing this year off with immense serenity in my life. That’s saying a lot for me who used to live in chaos and for adrenaline rushes. I’m not saying I’m “healed” or “cured” of my BPD but I will say that I’m so much better at managing my emotions. This year has been about recovery from my BPD symptoms that often left me in a constant influx of emotional chaos. While I still feel my emotions intensely, they don’t control me like they used to. I’m a much happier and content person at the end of this year than I was starting off the year. In fact, this has been one of the best years of my life. I wanted to give you some insight into what helped me:
1.Routine and Consistency pays off-
In the latter half of 2021, I started to pay really close attention to how I was spending my time and learned what was working for me and what wasn’t. When I’m not working, I incorporate a routine of wellness and creativity that helps me feel balanced in my otherwise super busy life with 2 jobs and 3 kids. I make time for exercise 1 to 2 times a week and write daily. I’ve learned that this combination has helped me so much in bettering my mental health. The endorphins from walking/running always makes me feel better especially after a rough day. Writing every day has been instrumental in helping me manage my emotions. I journal every day and try to write poetry daily even when I’m not super inspired. Do I like everything I write? No, but I don’t filter out anything I’m thinking no matter how crazy or dumb it seems like at the time. If it’s a poem, I tell myself, well I can always revise and edit later. This first draft is almost always going to be rough.
Here’s a poem I wrote about it:
December Poetry Challenge: A Boring Life
2. Find your own Happy Place or Happy Places
This year I’ve felt a sense of overall contentment in my life because I’ve learned how to be happy. Happiness is a hard emotion for me because I’ve been depressed and anxious for the majority of my adult life. However, one of the things I learned this year is to build happiness, and sometimes that looks crazy. Music, writing, nature, exercising, and food are a few of the things out of many that bring me joy. This year, I even made a playlist called “Happy Music” with Yung Gravy and Jack Harlow songs that hype me up. Here is that playlist:
3.Take back the Power from the things that have made you feel powerless
I used to live in a world of insecurity and fear about a lot of things. I allowed my fear of failure to keep me from living a full life. Last year, I decided to stop doing this and just started living unapologetically and authentically. I stopped caring about how I’m perceived to others for the most part. One example is that I was always too afraid to call myself a writer/poet because 1) I wasn’t published 2) I didn’t feel like I was intelligent or eloquent enough in my writing to do so. In fact, when I was posting poetry in 2016/2017 I used to call my writing mediocre and I now think that was a disservice to myself. It was me devaluing myself and my art. This year, I’ve learned not to judge what I’ve written or decide to post. It might resonate with someone or it might not resonate with anyone.What matters to me is that I’m being brave enough to share it with the world.
4.Whatever you do, don’t suppress your feelings.
This one is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. For years on end I had been conditioned that anger and sadness were these negative emotions that I should try my best not to feel and express. Even when I allowed myself to feel them, I still spiral into a loop of shame and guilt about it. I went through a process this year of learning to let go of that shame and guilt and fully feel those emotions, express them (sometimes through exercise or writing), and organically letting go of them. I’ll admit, sometimes I do get hateful when I’m like this and a hateful poem happens but I tell myself, this is me in this moment and doesn’t define who I am. It’s like an emotional burp or first thought that needed to be expressed. Yes, sometimes I call my poems emotional burps or first thoughts. Doing this has helped me find more contentment, satisfaction, and gratitude in my life in general.
Here is an example of one of those “emotional burps”:
December Poetry Challenge: Everything Annoys the Fuck Out of Me
5.Be Protective of Your Energy
I cannot stress this enough. The only way I was able to really thrive this year is to understand I could not extend my emotional bandwidth. One thing that kind of drained me was men,relationships and sex so in May when “C” stopped responding to me, I decided to delete his contact info, archived our photos and pretty much ended that relationship on my own terms. I was honestly really proud of myself because I took it in stride and accepted it because well me and him had a good run. I also told any other men I was kind of entertaining that I wasn’t available for anything aside from a platonic friendship. With that, I decided to give myself a year of celibacy from that part of my life. It was rough starting out because aside from a couple of months here and there, I don’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t been romantically involved with someone. 7 Months later, I’m much better. I’ll admit that celibacy does suck at times but it’s been completely worth it. It’s the break I needed to really discover who I am without the validation from relationships and men I’ve been dependent on since the age I was teenager. I plan to date sometime in May after my divorce is final provided I feel like I have the energy. Right now, my energy is really happy and thriving and I’m continuing to build on this.Here is a poem I wrote about missing my white jacket after me and “C” ended:
Poem of the Day: White Jacket
6.Acknowledge and take accountability for your part in your misery
I’ve been doing this on and off for the past 5 years but if I had to be honest with myself, I’ve also blamed others unfairly for my misery. It’s not that I don’t acknowledge that the actions of other people have caused me pain or that I condone that pain but at the end of the day I can’t control them. I can only control myself. This means I choose what situations I put myself in, who I allow into my life, what energy I let in, etc,etc. I used to think that life happened to me and I didn’t have much power over it. Thanks to a deep level of self awareness and introspection, I’m hyper aware of much control and power I have over my life and damn, it’s way more than I expected. It took me a while to get here and it sucked because now I can’t blame my parents, my exes, or that idiot who put a triggering status post on facebook about politics- it’s really me and how I react to it/them. As difficult as it has been to acknowledge this, it has also helped me feel this sense of peace in a lot of ways. I sleep way better at night understanding this concept. I also understand that there are things I won’t have control over but I always have a choice as to how I react to it. Here is a poem I wrote about it:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=5237
2022 was one of the calmest and best years of my life. This year was my year to rest and recharge because I know 2023 will be chaotic with all the changes I’m making in my life. These changes will be uncomfortable but like someone once told me, “you have to go out of your comfort zone in order to grow”. I hope that whatever happens; I continue to grow and learn from the experience. I’ve healed and transformed into the healthiest version of myself but still understand that I’m a work in progress. I look forward to continuing this journey of self discovery and am excited about what’s to come.
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December Poetry Challenge: This is Your Fucking Life
This was my response to prompt #29: One thing to do
Stop making excuses and take control over your life
no one has power over you-
stop allowing the opinions of other influence you
It’s time to stop with the bullshit and the false stories
Stop living in fear, stop living for others
this is your fucking life
the time is now to start living it authentically
Life on the BPD 
