Posted on by pattytacuri

My Amazing Hero

I think that finding that bright spark in my life has been very hard for me to grasp lately. This week my oldest son D was accepted into a highly competitive academic program in the  high school he will attend in the fall. I am a very proud mama and I have a good reason to be.

D was diagnosed with high functioning Autism at the age of 5 and at the time, he was basically almost non -verbal, extremely behind on academics, and showed no interest in socializing with his peers. As soon as we found out his DX, the school placed him in a special education self contained classroom with a multitude of therapists and teachers to help him. All expectations and hopes I had for him before the DX were dashed away and I honestly just wanted one thing for him : for him to be happy. scan0022 (2)    I did mourn for a while for “the child” that I had lost and this did blind me for a while. He was now a child whose future was quite uncertain, a child who most likely would rely on me for the rest of my life, and a child who would not graduate from high and certainly not go on to college. It was an inner conflict within myself and I felt shitty enough not being the best mother to him considering I had him at the age of 17. I was overwhelmed and felt guilty for being so ignorant and young at the time all of this was happening that I also blamed myself for his DX for a long time.  I had already felt like my poor child had so many obstacles stacked against him when he was born into a family with no father and an immature single teen mom, now this, Autism. Sigh.

So how did I tackle this: I educated myself.I read a ton of books- a year before his DX and continued to read the books and articles after. I had to learn to advocate for him and keep in constant contact with his therapists and teachers. I was that mom and continue to be that mom that teachers dread with my emails about what might seem minor questions and issues. The most important thing I did was: I had to learn to believe in him and his potential. I had to believe that my little boy would one day learn how read, do simple math, verbally tell me he had to use the bathroom (instead of grunting and stomping his feet), and just really talk to me instead of giving me two word responses and phrases. At the beginning of the journey, I told myself, that if he could just do those simple things, we would be okay and if he didn’t , then I would have to accept it and love him no matter what.
So with the support and help of family, therapists, and teachers, D just really blossomed throughout the years. The first 3 years were tough. I felt like we would finally reach him and we would finally get him to a point that he was functioning well,then something would happen and he would regress. Excuse the cliche but it was truly, one small step forward, and two huge steps backward. To say that it was frustrating would be an understatement. To be honest, I wanted to give up sometimes but I didn’t.     wpid-PicsArt_1362107779516.jpg

I always remember the day that I knew I could have expectations of him having a semi-normal life and it took his special education teacher to show me. It was during an IEP meeting for third grade and it hadn’t been a particularly good year for him but she turned to me and said, “You know, one day in the near future, it will just all click for him” . And sure enough, the following year, he really blossomed. It was all about these incredibly miniscule steps that built up over time.Eventually he went from his special education classroom in Kindergarten to a co taught classroom in fourth grade to advance/regular classes in Seventh grade. He went from several therapists and resource personnel to just a case manager on a monthly consult basis. His IEP went from 30 pages long focused on basic communication/academics to just a 3 pages long that focus mainly on socialization and independence.

Getting to this point with him hasn’t been easy but it has been well worth it. IMG_0624

So while the idea of starting a new blog before seemed awesome, it quite wasn’t the case while trying to move and start a new life somewhere else with my family. Just a quick update on me:
I went from unemployed in December 2011 to employed with another state agency in March 2012. At first I was like happy, kind of smug feeling

Happy/Smugthat I had not only secured with a state agency but I was going to get paid more and actually use my B.A as a Family Independence Case Manager (AKA Food Stamp and Medicaid Caseworker). I had my own office and training was basically a breeze. However, when training ended, I found out they had other plans for me. So now, as of Feb 2013, I feel kind of like this IMG_1585 you know unhappy, kind of dreading to go to work every day, having a breakdown on a weekly kind of basis.  By the way, the model in both pics is my now 19 month old son. Figured, I would make use of his expressions to express how I feel about my job while updating everyone (all probably 2 of my readers on his looks). Getting back to my unhappy feelings about my job: Reason #1-I have been placed on the front desk as what I feel is a glorified receptionist. I basically get the brunt of all the frustrations the clients feel as well other bureaucratic bullshit the higher ups hand out to us (especially since we are going live with a new business process model-later on in March). Reason#2- Flexibility from this job is basically gone thanks again to the new business process model. Apparently, if the higher ups thought we were thoughtless robots on an assembly line before then it rings even more true now! When I first got this job, I was encouraged to create my own schedule so I was super-excited to work from 8:00am to 4:30pm. Well, this is no more an option. I now either work from 7:30am to 4:30pm or 8:00 am to 5:00pm and I am literally forced to take an hour lunch. Forget that maybe your child has an activity after school or maybe you want to take an extra 30 minutes one day during the week for a much needed counseling session. You are basically a slave to either one of those time slots and this is more so if you are at the front desk where coverage for you is basically non existent at times.

I could go and list more reasons as to why I detest job but I will leave it at that for now. Moving forward, I have decided to look for another job and concentrate more of my energy in bettering myself and family and once again really rejecting stagnation instead of letting another year of living in mediocrity pass me by.

Posted on by pattytacuri

A new life….

So it’s official, we are now residents of Gainesville and have left Athens behind. The move was rough to say the least, especially with 3 kids, no childcare for them, and hardly any help from Big T’s family. My best friend and family helped and I was pretty damn grateful for that. Leaving Athens saddens me to a point that I feel like I am mourning the life I wanted to have there. Athens is so rich in culture and is so unique whereas Gainesville is well in my opinion-normal, ordinary. I know that there was no other way to move forward with our life. It just sucks because in Athens, I felt more like me and not some stereotypical person people think I am when they look at me in Gainesville. I know that most of it is in my head and maybe I’m allowing the ignorant and bad experiences in Gainesville rule over head and my heart at this time.

The kids are finally enrolled in school and had a great first day. D’s bus driver was the same one he had when he went to elementary school here.

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Hola/Hello

So let me introduce myself. My name is Patty Tacuri and I am a married mother of three boys ages 13, 6, and 5 months old. My world is in complete chaos right now due to a recent turn of events. To try explain it all in one blog would be exhausting for me and the reader. So post by post I will reveal a little about my world. Right now we are in the middle of packing up our stuff to move in with my parents in another city. Who says you can’t go home again at age 30?Lol. The major reason we are moving in with my parents: The weekend before Halloween ,our house was broken into while we were out of town. They had broken the glass in the carport door and also broke the kitchen door. They tossed our place looking for valuables and took all our video game consoles, my laptop, my 6-year-old son’s piggy and both of my sons’ backpacks to tote the stuff in. Those material things though aren’t as important as what they ultimately took: Sleepless nights, tranquility, security, and privacy. Every time we leave the house as a family, I get into panic mode thinking that when we come back, we’ll come back once more to broken glass. This affected our two oldest children in a dramatic way as well. My teenager is scared when my husband leaves the house because he thinks the bad guys will come back and I won’t be able to defend him. My six-year-old still has nightmares. Staying in this house is not an option at all. if I want to remain sane and help my children start to heal emotionally. So about 3 weeks ago, I did the unthinkable and quit the stable government job I have (6 days left) after my husband and I decided to move in with my parents. I’m in for the most chaotic weeks for 2011 as I prepare for a new beginning with my family.