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Poetry: Desire

I wrote this in 2006 about my husband and my husband were in a good place…meaning we were having sex again after taking a break for several months from it. I tend to place a lot of importance of sex in a relationship and well…if that’s lacking, I get bored and depressed in the relationship.

bewitched by passion

For once desire and passion 

Has entered our lives once again

 And the pieces start to fall perfectly 

In our lives again.

Is this a dream or just another short lived memory? 

He runs his hand through my back and it’s like

Electrical wires going through my body and it turns on 

Something wonderful inside of it.

Whatever happened to our 

rut and miserable boredom for each other?

He wants me once again and I want only him. 

What did I do differently this time?

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Poetry: Unhappiness

I wrote this poem in fall of 2005 when I was feeling overwhelmed by my responsibilities of being a mother, a girlfriend, a student and a worker. As usual at that time, I took on too much and was trying to be everything to everyone. One trait of BPD that I’ve carried throughout the years is over extending myself sometimes to my detriment in order to make other people happy.

Me with my middle child circa late 2005

Feelings I can’t turn off

Quickly come in droves

Don’t know what to do 

My options are few

Do I follow my gut?

And get away from this rut

Or do i stay here ?

And become what I fear;

A woman that settles

And lets others meddle 

A woman with no mind

And with everything, she is fine

But can I turn off the real me?

And stay so unhappy

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Poetry: Ecstasy

I wrote this in the year 2001 after really good sex with my ex Paul. He was 29 and I was 19 at the time. It may have been the first or second time I think. He said to me right afterwards, “Don’t fall in love with me.” Man, I sure know how to pick them. Lol.

It’s always the “passion in me” that gets them..haha

He was beautiful
He made love to me with his eyes
He made me melt with the simplest caress
He made me feel like a woman
With his beautiful words and loving touch
We melted together as one
And finally as we reached the end
We knew that as we exploded in the ecstasy
that our lovemaking brought
We are one for the other
And we will be forever

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Poesia: Sin Claridad

Escribí este poema en 2006 acerca de alguien que me gustaba. Cuando me gusta alguien, me obsesiono con esa persona.

Ese Instante

¿No se que es de ti?
Pero tu me robas la razón
¿No se que haces ?
Pero tu me devuelves
La inquietud
¿No se porque?
Pero tu me vuelves
En una adolescente
Y
Me dejas
Sin claridad.

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Poesía: El Miedo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/15/poetry-scared/

Es difícil ser mágica

Tengo miedo
que de nuevo se rompa
mi corazón
Estoy preocupado que algún día
me pares de amar
Estoy cansada después
de tantos mentirosos
tengo cuidado que de no
convertirme en una idiota
otra vez