Excitement over our new computer I can’t wait to get into those yahoo and aol chatrooms I’ll bet I’ll meet someone and maybe even fall in love maybe I’ll have better luck find a man online than I have in real life maybe the man I find will stay and become my soulmate
My former lover prays for me because I won’t fuck him Is this how it feels like to change my story from on call whore to an I’m healing and deserve better “Woman Is this how it feels like to to go from fun girl to healthy woman I use to measure my worth by who loved me or who wanted to fuck me but those days of impulsivity and “hey, this will be fun” are long gone Now are the days of painful transformations,therapy worksheets, self reflection and most importantly self love So I put away my sexy vixen persona And I put on my ” “I’m authentic without apologies persona” I’ve stopped living to please others and now live to please myself
I’m disappointed once again -being here with you You represent everything I thought I wanted But- You don’t compare to him You make my body sing with pleasure but don’t sweep up the mess that I am You are there to help me escape but never to rescue me SO I choose him Who chooses to be there for me When I chase death in a bathtub or a bottle Because while sex and lust feels good when it’s happening It doesn’t compare to the love and support he’s provided in keeping me alive So I say goodbye to a life Full of lust filled fantasies and accept the one and only who truly cares for me
She’s an American I’m an immigrant She loves Trump I’m a borderline socialist She believes in money and brand names I believe in love and poetry Born from the same womb But living in different worlds She’s upper middle class I’m working class She’s latina when it suits her I’m latina every single day She’s the definition of assimilation I get called out by HR for being too Peruvian She’s the American Dream And I’m the immigrant
under a tequila sunrise in L.A,he breaks apart once again she committed the ultimate act of treason against him and he couldn’t forgive her again this time he couldn’t put a bandaid of his love to make it all better this time he had a son to think about this time his family would disown him if he stayed with her so he packed up her stuff, put the boxes and suitcases of her belongings outside changed the locks and filed for divorce even as he broke inside, he held all of his emotions in and even though he considered her the grand love of his life he had to cut all ties with her this time she hadn’t just broken law of not just decency and morality with her actions this time her horrid actions made her beyond redemption this time she had gone too far
lighting hits me and I’m in love all over again this time I take my vows seriously this time I believe in the whole “til death do us part” bit this time it’s far from perfect and ideal but for once in my life we’re enough for each other and there are no seconds thoughts that this is true love
found love where I least expected it and when it happened it felt like an earthquake where the ground broke from under me it felt like all of the hurt and pain experienced before had been worth it for the one waiting in the wings for me as he sits by me and reassures me when the world feels chaotic and overwhelming He tells me I’m one of the best things that happened to him and has never made me feel less or like a burden to him and all of it still feels so strange to me is this really happening to me? or is it all a dream? and I finally at the end of my marathon of lust and love I have been running since the age of 15
Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and it was what my spirit needed to be resuscitated into feeling something Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and I couldn’t wait to show mami she dedicated Hombre Pequeñito to Papi and we laugh at his expense for a minute Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and I watched her 1957 bio pic with mami we stood in awe at how progressive it was for its time but at the same time understood how much progress still needed to be made for woman kind
You were one of my false starts this year it wasn’t your fault though I tend to get stars in my eyes over any man who gives me attention, And is equally emotionally unavailable
It’s a lethal combination for me And even if I know better, I always fall for it except this time I fell harder than usual because you’re also a man who calls me out on my bullshit
not sure when a new muse will appear I just gave up on my most recent one I can take a hint he’s not interested he’s scared because I’m too crazy and will fuck up his life and maybe he’s right maybe I’m not healed enough, not intelligent enough maybe for him I’m just not enough and this doesn’t make me angry I’m in the acceptance phase I’ll no longer bother him I’ll just let him be I’ll just wait for a new muse to appear out of nowhere from my dreams into my real life my manifestation game is strong though sometimes my aim is off
I still smile at my phone every time I get a text from you and ugh-crush season is here again- even as I constantly say, nope, it’s over we’re better off as friends, I’ll never be enough for him So I avoid you but you appear in my dreams Sometimes we’re a thing, other times you appear in the background and I can’t even make it a week without texting you-and haha- Surprise, surprise I still like you and ew- a crush in my middle age it’s so fucking embarrassing