here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=12321
no me puedo pasar desapercibida en esta mundo privilegiado
edad equivocada. apellido equivocado, etnicidad equivocada
sintiéndome destinada para fracasar en esta universidad
mientras que la presión para triunfar cuelga
como una soga sobre mi cuello
pero no me doy por vencida
y me presento todos los días
si solamente para darle una enseñanza a mis hijos
a como seguir adelante cuando quieres renunciar
What’s something most people don’t understand?
this poem is inspired by the 2007 poem “small”
can’t blend in with this privileged world
wrong age, wrong last name, wrong ethnicity
I stand destined for failure
on this institutions steps
as the pressure to succeeds hang around me
like a noose around my neck
and yet I still keep going
and show up every day
if only to teach my kids a lesson
in how to keep going when you want to quit
I wrote this poem in the fall of 2007 when I was depressed.
Scattered dreams
in my past
become failures
of my present.
Will my soul
ever recuperate
from the cost?
Will I ever be that
hopeful again?
here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=12220
agujas agudas de agonía penetra mi mente y cuerpo
me siento super debil
cubierta en una frazada de derrota
this poem was the inspired by the 2007 poem:
needles of agony stab my mind and body
I feel a new kind of weak
covered in a blanket of defeat
here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=12209
asustada y desesperada, me ato a ti
aprendí de niña que la soledad
era una maldición
y qué quedarse sola es la peor cosa
que le puede pasar a una mujer
I wrote this poem in March of 2024.
being with you was a form of self harm
it was another symptom of my mental illness
It was me living with my unhealed alcoholic daddy issues
it was the worst version of me
trying to find some kind of semblance of love
to fill the void with whatever, even if that love
looked toxic, brought out the worst in me,
berated and assaulted me
still stupidly I went back to you and accepted you
in my life over and over again
even with delusional daydreams in the back of my mind
that if I kept you in my life long enough
eventually you’d change and one day we’d get it right
but all you ever did was disappoint me over and over again
but this last undoing of us is the one
and good riddance for that
because at 43, i’m too fucking old to waste my time
on fuck bois who can’t show an ounce of respect
and dignity
this poem was inspired by the 2007 poem nostalgia.
a wave of nostalgia hits me
and I almost drown in memories
it takes everything in me
to stay grounded in my present
it takes everything in me
to not allow my trauma
to cloud the life I’m currently
trying to build
Here’s a link to the original 2006 poem that inspired this poem:
the sky fell on me on that tuesday morning
when you ended me with a 5 minute phone call
for weeks I cried on the carpet
until I fell asleep
for weeks I wanted to fade away
into an abyss of nothingness
and even though it’s been almost decade
I still think about that Tuesday morning
the morning I lost the small piece
of innocence I had left
this poem is inspired by the 2006 poem “frustrating”
not even a year has passed
and there’s an ocean between us
desire and passion once shared
evades us
as we fall into an oblivion
of obligations and routine
this poem is inspired by the 2006 poem, “poem for a couple I never knew”
many took bets on how long they’d last
between the age gap, the difference in cultures
they didn’t stand a chance
yet, they kind of made it work for more than a decade
yet, they still raised three fine young men for almost 20 years
and while their incompatibility caught up to them
and they had to end their love story
they rebuilt it on the foundation
of the love they once shared
and in the best interest of their children
and evolved into a healthy story of friendship
where any resentment and anger has been buried
and there are no hard feelings over past grievances
where they support one another
and are finally the parents their children
always deserved
this poem is an updated version from the 2006 poem, “she flew”
she’s gone to the other side
leaving us in a state of mourning
no tears, no words soften the emotional blow
can’t take back how we took her for granted
and now anger, regret, and remorse
becomes who we are
until we accept the passage of time
is our biggest ally in healing from her absence
this poem is inspired by the 2006, “let’s go to your store”
take me on a tour of your utopia
the one you always talk about
the one where mental illness doesn’t exist
and we all go to sleep without the need
of meds and sleepytime tea
the one where everyone is respected
and being different is celebrated
and not used as fodder for insults or war
I wrote this poem in January of 2024 for my friend Rosie who died in 2023.
it was a wintry and rainy day in Georgia when last goodbyes were exchanged
between you and and your boys
you were thousands of miles away in Texas, in your hospice bed
I imagine you were full of peace in your last conscious moments
finding comfort in your faith and accepting this was part of God’s plan
but I-I carried rage that you were leaving everyone behind
rage your husband would become a widower, rage your sons would grow up without a mom
rage for the grief of everyone who would have to live without you
rage that on the 29th of June, there wouldn’t be a random happy birthday from you
for William, Miguel and all of the babies in our July mommy group born on that date
rage that I didn’t get to know you better
and that rage broke my brain, and I drove without a destination
maybe it was your spirit that led me back to the safety of my boys
but almost a year later
I still carry that rage of how I don’t understand why God took you
you who still had more than love to give and receive
you who was the warmth of a sunny day in human form
What was the purpose of your sudden departure?
Life on the BPD 