BPD – Page 62 – Life on the BPD

Posted on November 24, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: The Elephant

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.

The sun is shining

Everything is green and bright

And yet winter feels eternal

In my heart

The blackness that is my sadness

Seems to seep and ooze everywhere

Inside of me

Is this what true loneliness feels like?

Will I ever get rid of what feels like

my forever depression?

Or do I just learn to live

with the elephant that

lives on my chest?

That I try desperate not to awake

Writing, exercise, friends, tv-

Everything to keep it calm

But no matter what

The elephant always seems

To wake up

Posted on November 23, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: El Amor y El Odio

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=4784

Fue el destino cruel
hacerte cruzar la línea
Entre amor y odio
Fuistes una desperdicia de tiempo
Nunca sabras
lo bueno que pudimos ser
tu amor era solo una pantalla de humo
Hasta pensaba que teníamos
Para siempre
Quería creer que tu eras un amor verdadero
pero tu eras otro “lo que sea”
Y yo fui otra falda
No hay nada más que decir
es tiempo de olvidar todo lo que fuimos
o pudimos ser

Posted on November 22, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Superficial

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.

I want to write about love

But instead find myself

Writing about depression and loss

Everything feels so vague and fake

I don’t know what or who’s

Real anymore

Is it existential dread

Or a midlife crises

Or a mixture of both?

Living in a world rampant

With comparisons

With the click of a button

Tears at my soul

Thanks to the ridiculous

And never ending standards

Modern society thrusts upon us.

It’s all a constant competition

About who has the best life

Have we all become society’s

Attention whores?

Posted on November 21, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

Poetry: Love and Hate

So I had forgotten to post this poem from the great breakup of 2001.

I guess it was fate
For you to cross that thin line
Between love and hate
You were really a waste of time
Now you’ll never know
How good you and me could’ve been
Or how much I really loved you so
But your love was only a smoke screen
I even thought we had forever
because I wanted to believe you were true
but I guess you were another whatever
and I was another one you’d screw
Now there’s nothing left to say
and it’s time to forget everything

Posted on November 20, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Extinction

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression. I guess I was just annoyed and angry by society.

me in 2017 around the time I wrote this poem

Simple decency is becoming extinct
Manners and politeness is rare
rudeness and sarcasm is the norm
Being kind feels outdated
in this narcissistic society
filled with superfluous and superficial people
Who bring their harsh and shallow attitudes
everywhere
There is no escape from this epidemic
of the nothingness
that tries to appear profound
It is a society that blames the victim
“ but what was she wearing?”
or
“He was hanging out with the wrong kids”
It is a society that’s prejudiced against
anyone different
“Go back to where you came from”
“You’ll never belong here”
“People will always remember
how you made them feel”,
Maya Angelou said
Unnecessary, weak, aloof, isolated alone
Is how this world makes me feel
I’m a FAILURE trying to accommodate myself
to this world full of shallow feelings
I miss the kind and real people
in this world
It’s rare to find them now
They are almost extinct

Posted on November 16, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

Poem: They Said

I wrote this about my oldest son after a very proud mom moment. I thought about everything he went through and processed it through this poem.

me and my oldest son around the time I wrote this poem

I didn’t think this day

Would come so soon

I wasn’t prepared for the

Emotions I would feel

“You were doomed to

Be another “statistic”

They said

And autism on top of that!

Good luck

Becoming a productive

Member of society

They said

“No way, will you succeed

brown autistic boy,

Son of a teenage mom”

They said

Yet here you are –

Proving the naysayers wrong

Here is where you belong

Not yet graduated from

High school but starting

Your first college classes

Tonight

Here is where you belong

Despite the obstacles,

The haters, society

Trying to fuck you over

Here is where you belong

-on the start of a journey to success

And here I am

Beaming with pride

And love for you

My beautiful brown boy

Defying everything and

Everyone that ever

Stood in your way.

Posted on November 13, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Primer Amor

Escribí este poema en el 2016 cuando una ola de nostalgia me visito y me puse a pensar en mi primer amor.

La inocencia del primer amor
Se queda como un tatuaje en tu mente
Nunca podrás olvidar cómo se sintió
Ese primer beso nervioso
O como buscaban rincones escondidos
Para mostrarse amor
Nunca se olvida la gran emoción
Que llevas dia por dia al verlo
Y nunca, nunca
olvidarás el primer amor
Que falleció con su repente desamor

Con solo 16 años pensaba que sabía lo que era el amor

Posted on November 11, 2022November 11, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Mi Deseo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/

Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa

Posted on November 7, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Porque?

For the English version of this poem, click link below:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/15/poetry-why-did-you/

Porque me demore tanto tiempo
en descubrir que tu eras
otra cancion estupida
Porque tuvistes que ser una basura
y dejarme con un sabor amargo en mi boca
Porque me creí en tu actuación de hombre bueno
Porque causastes una herida tan severa en mi corazón
Estoy harta de este infierno de tristeza
Porque te apareciste en mi vida
solo para arruinarmela

Posted on November 6, 2022August 6, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poetry: Shadows

I wrote this poem sometime around 2014 or 2015. I was feeling nostalgic about a former flame I had been obsessed with. This tends to happen a lot with me. Letting go of my past is hard at times.

me in 2015 around the time I wrote this poem

Shadows of my past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go

Time has passed

I am older

Harsh experiences

Have made my cynical

And embrace

My mediocrity

But still

Shadows of the past

Envelop my future

Everywhere i go

I’m happy that you found

Your idyllic happiness

With someone else

And living the life

You always wanted

But shadows of our past

Envelop my future

Everywhere I go

I love my children

I love my spouse

But for one more moment

Of us

I would leave them

And everything else behind

Shadows of our past

Envelops my future

Everywhere I go

Posted on November 5, 2022October 20, 2022 by pattytacuri

Poesia: Mandado del Infierno

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/09/poetry-hell-sent/

Debi seguido mi intuición
cuando sentí que me mentías
Cuando me decías que estabas trabajando
En realidad, estabas follando
Debí irme de tu vida
la primera vez que me mentiste
pero quería creer en tu cuento de hadas
ahora siento un alivio profundo desde que terminamos
porque tu fuistes mandado del infierno