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Poetry: Kyleena

I wrote this in December of 2021 when I got on a new form of hormonal birth control. It’s an understatement to say that it amped up the intensity of my emotions.

I was a mess but at least I was a hot mess…lol

I’ve bled for more than 40 days and 40 nights
but my doctor says I need to grin and bear it
My hormones are in constant flux
I want to die, I want to scream
Is God punishing me for my past sins?
My mood swings are uncontrollable
No matter what I do, I can’t find the calm
Anger, rage, sadness, and despair
are my emotional staples
And within a span of 3 weeks
I write poetry at 3am, crash my car,
and breakup with my friend
When will this madness end?
My doctor says give it 6 more weeks
but my mind and body are losing it
over this 2 inch form of torture
Will the next 6 weeks get calmer?
or will I go down in infamy?

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December Poetry Challenge: Music to Listen to While You Crochet

Easy E,Tupac, and Dr.Dre calmed me down
when I was lost amidst a nervous breakdown
I couldn’t remember who the fuck I was
or where I came from
then I blasted some Gangsta Rap in my ear
and remembered who the fuck I was
I’m a Queen from the land of the Incas
raised in West L.A and Paradise
I’m made to withstand earthquakes and hurricanes
even when they come disguised as humans
that’s when I turned my grief into anger and rage
and knew I wouldn’t be “just okay”
I would make this my greatest comeback in my life story

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Poesía: Navidad

Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2021.

yo en 1987

La navidad se escucha con los parchis
cantando navidad, navidad
navidad se ve como el árbol lleno de muchos adornos
coleccionados hace más de 30 años
el nacimiento cusqueño con las estatuas
de la virgen, josé y el bebe jesús cristo
que tienen más de 33 años
navidad se saborea con un polla peruano sazonado
con especies únicas
con un chocolate y panettone siempre en la mesa
navidad se siente con la felicidad pasando tiempo
con tus seres más queridos
que te llenan con amor y calor familiar
la navidad se huele en el perfume imari de Mami
La navidad siempre será una de las tradiciones
más bonitas e amorosas en mi familia

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

December Poetry Challenge: On My Day Off

This was my response to prompt #30: The time of day you prefer

my sunday morning routine

Sunday mornings make me jump out of bed
ready to seize the fuck out of the day
First my overpriced coffee while I blast out
music in my ears and tune the world out
Write, write, write whatever crazy thing
has been lingering in my mind
then I drive to the only place
where I can get fresh bread
I stand in a line full of the local hipsters
for my gluttonous must have
rush back home where I write
and plot more blog content for next month
will there be another playlist?
more angry poetry about an ex
who screwed me over?
or am I changing the narrative
and finally being honest about my recovery
Sunday mornings are always an opportunity
for my creativity to come out in full force
without judgment, without apologies

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Poetry: Decade of Lies

I wrote this poem in 2019 when I found out my friend Brad had lied to me for a decade about something pretty important.

I was the unknown sidepiece

17 years of friendship ruined

Because of one lie

One lie turned into a decade

Of lying to ME–

  His supposed close friend

ME

A girl he supposedly loved and cared for

ME

The one he claimed meant a  lot to him

But he couldn’t come clean

With his truth 

He couldn’t man up and be honest

Instead he lied and lied and lied

Until 

The lie came out 10 years too late

I’m overreacting, he says

But friendship like I know friendship 

Is not built on a foundation of 

Lies, betrayal, and mistrust

 Fuck off,

Glad you’re gone,

Good riddance,

Hope you remember the words of anger

I wrote to you 

And you keep your promise 

To never contact me again. 

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December Poetry Challenge: Self Improvement

This was my response to prompt #24: Your Top Priority

I am the ONE

I build the life of my dreams through discipline and hard work
while I appreciate everything I have at this moment
even the minor annoyances
and especially the moments of calm and silence
I’m no longer relegating myself to a side character
or a side chick or a passenger in my life
I’m writer, the master, the driver of the life I’m creating

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Poesia: Al Carajo!

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=5186

Al carajo el cuento tóxico de amor que siempre repito
rehusó a que me falten el respecto
por otro hombre que me llena de mentiras amorosas
porque no que estar solo y me quiere en su cama
paro de ser una curita temporanea
para otro hombre confundido
que me expulsa de su vida cuando paró de ser fácil
Desde AHORA cualquier hombre que quiere estar conmigo
tendrá que demostrar ser digno de mi energía

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Poetry: An Act of Rebellion

I wrote this in December 2021.

once you get your wings, there’s no going back

Believing in myself feels like an act of rebellion
after years of self loathing and self destruction
I finally feel enough and complete
Is this some kind of dream?
Do I really love myself?
Do I really accept myself?
Do I really care about myself?
I do and I do and I do
I’m ready to live out my truth
I’m complicated and complex
and not terrible or a hot mess
I’ve been forever misjudged
and thought I was too much
The reality of my authenticity
Brings out a new transparency
I was never too much or not enough
or even the hardest to love
I might be a complicated puzzle to solve
But I’m always, always, worthy of love

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

December Poetry Challenge: Everything Annoys the Fuck Out of Me

This was my response to prompt #17: The best gift you could receive

me annoyed with everything…lol

God grant me serenity and peace
I hate it when I’m like this
everything annoys the fuck out of me
If I have to see another post about healing or trauma
or my inner child, I’m throwing my phone out the door
it’s not anything or anyone specifically
its these horrible mood swings
They transform me into a salty bitch
who sets fire to everything and everyone
with her pen and paper
at least now I channel my anger into poetry and prose
and no longer self implode
when will serenity and peace come to me permanently
and not just come to visit me temporarily?

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December Poetry Challenge: Will I Finally Understand?

This was my response to prompt #27: A book you want to read

Quote from “The Body Keeps Score”

Will “The Body Keep Score” give me the answers I need
as to why my body still feels past trauma
and why I still have nightmares about people and places
who has caused me harm?
or how when a trauma anniversary comes up
like the day I lost my baby or the day I lost my mind
my body feels extra heavy and my fists are clenched all day
Will I finally understand my body can still feel the pain of trauma
months and even years later when something catastrophic happens to me?

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Poetry: I Was Never the Marrying Kind

I wrote this in December of 2021.

I’m grateful for every past version of myself …

I was never the marrying kind
Don’t know why I forced myself into that line
Maybe because of society’s expectations
I made marriage my destination
But it wasn’t really who I ever was
Forever is not meant to be in my book of love
But still I tried for seven years
And by year 7, I ran into my biggest fear
I felt trapped in a cage of my own making
Happiness, contentment, and authenticity I was faking
But it was never truly me
Living this suburban reality
And one day I wanted to sleep forever
My mind collapsed from society’s pressure
to continue this facade of being the perfect wife
With my perfectly imperfect life
My authenticity I had to put aside
I’m a wife and mother of three
There’s no such thing as being free
But these were the lies I told myself
The critic in me I learned to quell
I learned I could be a mother but not a wife
My husband took our relationship’s demise in stride
There would no more anniversaries
We were done with self imposed forgeries
And a new chapter started with us
One full of laughter, friendship and familial love

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December Poetry Challenge: Tomorrow

This was my response to prompt #23: What’s you’d really like to do tomorrow

Kailua Beach, Hawaii-my former paradise

Tomorrow I’d like to swim for the first time in my former paradise
and after lay out in the sun in my bikini
I’ve loved feel the sand everywhere instead of tolerating
another dreary and rainy day in Georgia
My mood would improve and I would write more happy poems
Instead of writing about how I hate my existence
and everyone and everything in it

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December Poetry Challenge: Arrival

This is my response to prompt #11: A goal you reached

I know my worth..now fuck off 🤣🤣🤣

Getting rid off my self imposed chains of insecurity and doubt
I no longer give any fucks-I no longer hold back
I announce my arrival when I drive, when I make love, and when I blog
I’m liberated from the chaos I used to cause
and have accepted sometimes an attention whore or an introvert
and it’s okay to swing between both
as long as I honor my truth and know my worth

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December Poetry Challenge: 99.9 Percent

This is my response to prompt #15: the best kind of surprise

sometimes you have to say “fuck it”

Love surprises me with a glance, with a slight touch on my hand
And 99.9 percent of me wants to run
I don’t want to take a chance once again with my sanity
but the romantic in me say “fuck it”
maybe this will finally be a different story
one where my lover doesn’t leave