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Poetry: Forgotten Anniversary

I wrote this in December 2018 when my husband forgot our 8 year anniversary. I guess I was a little salty and kind of still processing the breakup of our marriage.

December 9, 2010

He forgot our 8 year anniversary
I didn’t remind him because it didn’t really matter.
Hopefully, this time next year, we will be divorced.
There was no use in feeling sad or spilling tears
Over something that would end soon.
There was no use in feeling devastated over
Something that never should have happened.
Vows that should never have been taken.
Promises of love that were doomed from the beginning.
Empty words that were never believed in.
8 years of marriage; an institution we thought
would bind us for eternal life.
So that maybe the sting of resentment and neglect
wouldn’t break us apart.
He forgot our 8 year anniversary
Just like he forgot all of his promises to
“Try harder” or “to change”
So I wouldn’t leave.
He forgot our 8 year anniversary.
And it’s fine.
You don’t celebrate something
That is already dead.

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Poesia: Chingona Bilingue

Here is a link to the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/10/31/happy-halloween-whats-scarier-than-a-regular-bitch/

Cometiste un gran error
que me rompió en mil pedazos
antes estaba llena de ternura
ahora busco venganza
mis palabras se convertirán
en espadas aguda de furia
Gritando como tus mentiras
jodieron mi mente y mi vida
Me dices que debería olvidarlo todo
Cariño, debes acostumbrarte
tu y esa rompieron mi cordura
ahora deben enfrentar las consecuencias
Estuviste mal en traicionar a una chingona bilingüe
Te matare en español y en inglés

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Poetry: My Book of Love and Lust

Para la version en Espanol, haga clic en este enlace:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/10/poesia-yo-pense/

I thought nothing could ruin our love

now everything we once were is lost

because once again I was wrong, wrong, wrong

I wasn’t aware of your secret lust filled missions

you’re another confused boy

and to you I was another toy

You were another tourist

in my book of love and lust

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Poetry: Darkness

Para la versión en español de este poema, haga clic en este enlace:

Poesia: La Oscuridad

You left me in an eternal darkness
Without any compassion, without any humanity
You caused me an infinite pain
with your malicious and false ways
You left me in a world of insecurity
How can I trust ever again?
But I promise you thing
you’ll remember me
After our painful parting
You had it all with me
And now there’s no way
To recover my love
With a unique and ardent warmth

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Poesia: Otra Mentira Mas

Here is the English version of this poem:

Poetry: Big Lie

Fui bruta y me queme
No queria creer
Que ibas a ser otra decepción
Aunque había muchas señas
Mi corazón se rehusó a resignarse
No quería concebir en la noción
que tu amor era una desilusión
ahora me siento inutil
a ver el mal que me hiciste
se que estará mucho mejor sin ti
Aunque sea imposible dejarte
Es adios para siempre
Al ver que tu amor fue otra mentira más

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Poesia: El Amor y El Odio

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=4784

Fue el destino cruel
hacerte cruzar la línea
Entre amor y odio
Fuistes una desperdicia de tiempo
Nunca sabras
lo bueno que pudimos ser
tu amor era solo una pantalla de humo
Hasta pensaba que teníamos
Para siempre
Quería creer que tu eras un amor verdadero
pero tu eras otro “lo que sea”
Y yo fui otra falda
No hay nada más que decir
es tiempo de olvidar todo lo que fuimos
o pudimos ser

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Poetry: Love and Hate

So I had forgotten to post this poem from the great breakup of 2001.

haha…it be like that sometimes

I guess it was fate
For you to cross that thin line
Between love and hate
You were really a waste of time
Now you’ll never know
How good you and me could’ve been
Or how much I really loved you so
But your love was only a smoke screen
I even thought we had forever
because I wanted to believe you were true
but I guess you were another whatever
and I was another one you’d screw
Now there’s nothing left to say
and it’s time to forget everything

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Poetry: Extinction

I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression. I guess I was just annoyed and angry by society.

me in 2017 around the time I wrote this poem

Simple decency is becoming extinct
Manners and politeness is rare
rudeness and sarcasm is the norm
Being kind feels outdated
in this narcissistic society
filled with superfluous and superficial people
Who bring their harsh and shallow attitudes
everywhere
There is no escape from this epidemic
of the nothingness
that tries to appear profound
It is a society that blames the victim
“ but what was she wearing?”
or
“He was hanging out with the wrong kids”
It is a society that’s prejudiced against
anyone different
“Go back to where you came from”
“You’ll never belong here”
“People will always remember
how you made them feel”,
Maya Angelou said
Unnecessary, weak, aloof, isolated alone
Is how this world makes me feel
I’m a FAILURE trying to accommodate myself
to this world full of shallow feelings
I miss the kind and real people
in this world
It’s rare to find them now
They are almost extinct

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Poesia: Mi Deseo

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/29/poetry-i-wish-i-could/

Deseo olvidar todo lo que vivimos
el amor que hicimos, las risas que compartimos
Deseo hacerte ver el daño que me hiciste
Deseo hacer sentir mi agonía intensa y aguda
Deseo herirte y lentamente destruirte
Deseo que esto no me importara más
pero la vida no es justa

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Silence

I wrote this 2013 about my husband.

silence kills

Silence, awkward silence is what was left after everything they needed to say was said

 It was the same fight over and over again.

Old wounds were brought to the surface and reopened. 

She blamed him for derailing her ambitions

 and he blamed her for derailing the productive and selfish life he once led. 

They both couldn’t see that they were both at fault

 for not continuing to push each other to flourish

 but instead they fell into a complacent spell 

And a pattern of a comfortable 

and the fruitless routine of suburban life.

 And the years went on and they had nothing to show for it 

except debt and wrinkles they both inflicted upon themselves. 

And the years went on and all that was left 

was regret for her for the things that she didn’t get to experien

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Poetry: Rejection

I wrote this in 2009 about Brad.

sometimes all you can do is laugh

Rejection
Is an interruption
Of the infatuation
I felt towards you

Rejection
Is a profound sadness
With a river of tears
That flows down my cheeks

Rejection
Is a broken promise
You made
That breaks my heart
Along with the rest of me

Rejection
Is the start of learning
Who you are
Behind the facade
Of infatuation

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Poesia: Orgullo

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/30/poetry-pride/

Nunca sabrás del dolor
Que sentí por tu abandono
nunca veras
las lagrimas que llore por ti
nunca descubrirás
como me llenaste con agonía

Porque soy demasiado orgullosa
para admitir que fui una babosa
Por que tengo demasiada dignidad
para estar llena de miseria por tu culpa
Por tengo demasiado respeto
Para convertirme en un desastre

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Poesia: Otra Canción Melancólico

Here’s the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/13/poetry-same-old-ugly-song/

Pensaba que tu amor era como sueño celestial

me sentía bendecida

pero te volviste en una pesadilla infernal

y aprendí de nuevo

que tu eras otra canción melancólico

otro inútil más

mi amor se volvió en un mar de odio

me di cuenta muy tarde

Que estaba ciega 

a que me estabas usando

y me lleno con un fuego de furia

Me hundí en una arena movediza de amargura

Desafortunadamente todavía me acuerdo

de nuestro amor y tu ternura

pero tú arruinaste eso cuando te fuiste con ella

Ojalá que te quedes con ella

porque ahora soy un nunca en tu vida

Quiero olvidarme de todo los que fuimos

porque estoy mejor sola que mal acompañada

tengo que aceptar la mentira que tu fuistes

tengo que aceptar que tu fuistes

otra canción melancólica

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Poesia: Otro Niño Confundido

Here is the English version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=1792

Eras un sorpresa lleno

de atención y afección 

hasta me dejastes rosas en mi tablero

Pensé, por fin, llegó mi príncipe azul 

Pero después de un tiempo

Sentí la distancia entre los dos

ya no tenías tiempo para mi

pronto me darás alguna excusa estúpida

porque me tienes que abandonar

y mi corazón quedará en pedazos

no habrá nada más que decir

me dare cuenta

que tu fuiste el mismo cuento

de otro niño confundido

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Poesia: Mentira

Here is the English Version of this poem:

https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/10/29/poetry-lies/

Tenías puesto tu disfraz de príncipe azul

para que me queda contigo

Fingiste amarme

Fingiste apreciarme

y yo me creí el cuento 

que me estabas contando

Y te amé y tú te volviste mi adicción 

pero todo era una mentira

y ahora estoy llena de remordimientos